does DIL sound mad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other day DIL shared meme on Facebook. Part of it mentioned hoe grandparents play favorites. I blew it off and made no assumptions. Well today I post a picture of my mother, myself, my daughter and granddaughter and the caption said 4 generations. DIL commented about how she wishes her daughter had been included. I explained to her that was a picture that was for her with her own mom. Well she deleted her comment and didn't respond. Is this her passive aggressive way of letting me know she's mad or am I putting too much into it?

oh MIL, you revealed SO much when you said that, your DIL was absolutely right about you playing favorites. Not only do you NOT think of your DIL as like a daughter to you (which would be the gracious thing to do), but WORSE, you somehow don't see your granddaughter by her equally as you see your daughter's daughter (this is beyond ungracious and bordering on damaging.) frankly your DIL's suspicions have been confirmed by your horrendous 'explanation" comment. she probably deleted it so her daughter would hopefully never see it. frankly if you can't see how hurtful that was i think they are better off without you in their lives 'explaining' to them how family lines should work. you really need to think long and hard about how you would feel if you were treated like such an outsider in a family group.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have no one blame. You raised a son who chose your DIL for a spouse. Y'all have to live with it until they divorce LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG OP. What an MIL fail. If I can manage to say on FB "we wish you were here too," when someone I kinda sorta maybe remember from high school posts that it looks like we had fun at our 20 year reunion, you could manage a similar response for your DIL. Has it not hit you yet that she controls your access to your son and GD? Or do you just not care, because your DD and her DD are all you need?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, when it comes to a picture like this, the daughter's daughter gets to be in it but the son's daughter doesn't belong. It follows the mitochondria and if you don't understand that, then you don't understand the picture.

The issue is how OP rudely dealt with it. My guess is that OP is some stuck up country clubber.

[Anonymous]

I don't really see why DIL thought this was a big deal. I wouldn't be offended if my MIL posted a picture like this.

Is something else going on? Is there a reason she thinks you favor your daughters' kids over hers?

[Anonymous]

Obviously she has a chip on her shoulder.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are way too focussed on the picture. Your DIL is clearly feeling like you play favorites. Your response all but confirmed that. You need to be honest with yourself about what's going on here and if you're not being fair toward your son's daughter, who is just asuch your granddaughter as your daughter's daughter.

[Anonymous]

It costs nothing to be warm and kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You technically weren't rude, but you sure as hell weren't gracious.

+1

Perhaps you didn't mean to be rude or hurt her feelings, but she probably experienced it that way. I would have too.
Even if you think she's being over-sensitive, I would apologize to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ouch. Your other granddaughter is every bit of that generation as the other. Wow.

This. When you start drawing blood lines . . . it's hurtful. Whether you knew it or intended it. Her child is also in those "generations" and she was excluded. Not cool, imo. I'd be upset too. You owe her an apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other day DIL shared meme on Facebook. Part of it mentioned hoe grandparents play favorites. I blew it off and made no assumptions. Well today I post a picture of my mother, myself, my daughter and granddaughter and the caption said 4 generations. DIL commented about how she wishes her daughter had been included. I explained to her that was a picture that was for her with her own mom. Well she deleted her comment and didn't respond. Is this her passive aggressive way of letting me know she's mad or am I putting too much into it?

oh MIL, you revealed SO much when you said that, your DIL was absolutely right about you playing favorites. Not only do you NOT think of your DIL as like a daughter to you (which would be the gracious thing to do), but WORSE, you somehow don't see your granddaughter by her equally as you see your daughter's daughter (this is beyond ungracious and bordering on damaging.) frankly your DIL's suspicions have been confirmed by your horrendous 'explanation" comment. she probably deleted it so her daughter would hopefully never see it. frankly if you can't see how hurtful that was i think they are better off without you in their lives 'explaining' to them how family lines should work. you really need to think long and hard about how you would feel if you were treated like such an outsider in a family group.

This x 100. That one sentence. Very revealing of how you feel toward her and your grand-daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG OP. What an MIL fail. If I can manage to say on FB "we wish you were here too," when someone I kinda sorta maybe remember from high school posts that it looks like we had fun at our 20 year reunion, you could manage a similar response for your DIL. Has it not hit you yet that she controls your access to your son and GD? Or do you just not care, because your DD and her DD are all you need?

This.

Really? A grown-ass man is controlled by his wife? Some of you live in sad sad worlds, I must admit!

No wonder OP plays favorites. Who would blame her?

[Anonymous]

For pete's sake, it was just a Fb picture. It DID show four generations. It doesn't mean she thinks the others are not part of the family. This reminds me of the occasions when someone will post pictures of a fun event or nice meal and a Fb "friend" demands, "Where was my invitation ?!" I just ignore shit like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For pete's sake, it was just a Fb picture. It DID show four generations. It doesn't mean she thinks the others are not part of the family. This reminds me of the occasions when someone will post pictures of a fun event or nice meal and a Fb "friend" demands, "Where was my invitation ?!" I just ignore shit like that.

Yea but OPs response was like bringing a gun to a spitball fight. This isn't for you, go take a photo with your own mom is a spectacularly terrible response to what could easily be viewed as an innocuous comment from the DIL had OP been even slightly inclined towards giving her DIL even the slightest benefit of the doubt. OP is like the woman in the Chappelle show skit When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong. You don't always have to dial it straight up to 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may have you babysit this weekend but she will see you as free labor rather than as a cherished woman in her child's (and her) life. The wedge you constructed will be there too. and you have helped her design and build it for her daughter too. You may have been 100% right (wow science apparently can back you up!) but you really lost something here OP - especially as you continue to build your defenses and cling to your righteousness. I am a new MIL and I keep note of acts like this as guides of how not to be.

This was a pic taken with my cell phone today when my daughter and I went to visit my mother. This wasn't planned

I have no problem with the picture itself. I have taken 4 gen pictures with both of my living grandparents.

The problem is that there is clearly an underlying problem otherwise she'd never get bent about a picture like that. To your original point, she posted the meme BEFORE you posted this photo so there was already hurt feelings.

What you should have said, and what would have been so easy to say is, 'next time Larla is visiting great-grand Larla we'll do a picture with Larlo her and me! I want this photo with all my grandchildren!'

Voila, inclusive, appropriate, not taking away from your own DD but also making sure you son and his DD feel like a part of the family. My brother has the same 4 gen picture with my grandfather, himself, my mother and his son.

You also seem resentful about watching your DIL's kids. Which basically says it all, my parents are always so excited to see my DD, they don't grudgingly complain about having to babysit.