does DIL sound mad?

[Anonymous]

The picture was not the problem. It does not sound like your DIL was outraged and said "How dare you take such a picture without DD?" It sounds more like her comment was in the vein of "Wish DD could have been in the picture too." Which is an entirely valid sentiment and not antagonistic.

You went and dropped a nuke bomb on it by telling your DIL that basically her DD does not belong in that picture with you but instead should go take one with DIL's mom and grandma. OUCH.

I'll never forget when my then fiancé now husband's brother got married in a rush rush job a couple weeks before our already planned wedding. My MIL to be said "Time for a family photo" and then said "You can take the photo because you're not family."

[Anonymous]

I think your response should have been "Me too! At the holidays, let's take a nice one of all of us ladies together. I'd love it!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not rude. She doesn't get it and she really should have. I certainly wouldn't have pitched a fit if my sister-in-law had posed with her own mother and daughter[b]. Maybe she deleted her post because she finally realized what the picture was and that her request was pouty and out of line.

Now that you know she may not understand how generations work in the family, you can respond with a simple "next time I'll give you a call when we're taking a picture" and then just let it go.

But it wasn't SIL who posted. It was the grandmother, who posted a picture with one of her grand-daughters, but not the other. The favoritism is obvious and OP is refusing to own it.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is so inclusive. I'm so glad she would never respond in the manner that you did.

[Anonymous]

It's not favorites - it's four generations. Her kid wouldn't be in the picture unless her husband was there with her - it was a picture of four generations of blood relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not favorites - it's four generations. Her kid wouldn't be in the picture unless her husband was there with her - it was a picture of four generations of blood relatives.

Her kid is a blood relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not favorites - it's four generations. Her kid wouldn't be in the picture unless her husband was there with her - it was a picture of four generations of blood relatives.

My God, how hard is it to understand that DIL's daughter is the OP's granddaughter? She is a blood relative, the same way that the other granddaughter is a blood relative.

OP, you have clearly set a precedent of favoring your daughter's children over your son's child(ren). I highly doubt that DIL cares about the attention that you show her (and very likely has no interest in being in such a picture as you seem to think she did), but is upset at the way that you treat her child differently. I'm basing this on your statement that the favoritism meme was posted prior to you posting the "generations" picture. So, perhaps you need to stop and think about how you treat your other granddaughter.

[Anonymous]

My God - how difficult is it to understand that it was a picture with four generations of blood relatives - the people who gave birth to the next generation. Great grandmother gave birth to grandmother; grandmother gave birth to mother; mother gave birth to daughter.

No one is saying that DIL's child isn't a blood relative - but no female in the picture gave birth to her. OP is correct - the similar picture would be taken with DIL and her mother/grandmother.

My mother and I have taken similar pictures with my grandmother. I am so thankful that my SIL (and my brother, for that matter) isn't a neurotic mess like the posters on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My God - how difficult is it to understand that it was a picture with four generations of blood relatives - the people who gave birth to the next generation. Great grandmother gave birth to grandmother; grandmother gave birth to mother; mother gave birth to daughter.

No one is saying that DIL's child isn't a blood relative - but no female in the picture gave birth to her. OP is correct - the similar picture would be taken with DIL and her mother/grandmother.

My mother and I have taken similar pictures with my grandmother. I am so thankful that my SIL (and my brother, for that matter) isn't a neurotic mess like the posters on this board.

Again, some more--and, please, TRY to keep up--the problem isn't the actual picture, or the reasoning behind it. It was OP's response that DIL should "go take a photo with YOUR mother," when she could have very easily said, "Can't wait to see Little Larla for Thanksgiving, and take some great photos then!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My God - how difficult is it to understand that it was a picture with four generations of blood relatives - the people who gave birth to the next generation. Great grandmother gave birth to grandmother; grandmother gave birth to mother; mother gave birth to daughter.

No one is saying that DIL's child isn't a blood relative - but no female in the picture gave birth to her. OP is correct - the similar picture would be taken with DIL and her mother/grandmother.

My mother and I have taken similar pictures with my grandmother. I am so thankful that my SIL (and my brother, for that matter) isn't a neurotic mess like the posters on this board.

Again, some more--and, please, TRY to keep up--the problem isn't the actual picture, or the reasoning behind it. It was OP's response that DIL should "go take a photo with YOUR mother," when she could have very easily said, "Can't wait to see Little Larla for Thanksgiving, and take some great photos then!"

Let's be fair, the problem is DIL's overreaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My God - how difficult is it to understand that it was a picture with four generations of blood relatives - the people who gave birth to the next generation. Great grandmother gave birth to grandmother; grandmother gave birth to mother; mother gave birth to daughter.

No one is saying that DIL's child isn't a blood relative - but no female in the picture gave birth to her. OP is correct - the similar picture would be taken with DIL and her mother/grandmother.

My mother and I have taken similar pictures with my grandmother. I am so thankful that my SIL (and my brother, for that matter) isn't a neurotic mess like the posters on this board.

Again, some more--and, please, TRY to keep up--the problem isn't the actual picture, or the reasoning behind it. It was OP's response that DIL should "go take a photo with YOUR mother," when she could have very easily said, "Can't wait to see Little Larla for Thanksgiving, and take some great photos then!"

Let's be fair, the problem is DIL's overreaction.

OK, let's say DIL overreacted. Sure. Fine. Whatever. It hardly matters. But then there was an opportunity--right then and there--for OP to make a connection and come from a place of grace and maturity. And what did she do? "Go take a photo with YOUR mother." SMDH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ouch. Your other granddaughter is every bit of that generation as the other. Wow.

Yes. DIL wasn't asking that she be in the picture. She is pointing out what the picture shows, which is that you feel more connected to your daughter and her children than to your son and his children. I'm guessing this granddaughter is included in lots of "girl dates" with you and her mother, and your son's daughter is not.

[Anonymous]

I think there is definitely some back story to this. Taken alone, your DIL was being silly - it was a picture from something she didn't attend, not like you were all taking group pictures and specifically asked her and her kids to leave. But if this is just one in a long line of times you have excluded her kids or treated them differently, then I can definitely see why she would be hurt.

And your response was horrible! You should have said 'we will have to take a picture with you and daughter next time we get together!'

Did you not invite DIL to go with you? Your mom is her daughter's great grandma too. I really hope you invited them and they couldn't make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother and I have taken similar pictures with my grandmother. I am so thankful that my SIL (and my brother, for that matter) isn't a neurotic mess like the posters on this board.

Seriously, I'm struggling here with this kind of response. Are you really incapable of understanding the point here? Here are the issues:
1.) OP showed favoritism to the other grandchild was before this picture was taken.
2.) DIL clearly expressed this (even if it was in a passive/agressive manner) before the generations picture.
3.) OP couldn't understand why feelings were hurt due to the picture. Sure, as a one-time event it would be silly to have hurt feelings. But, from the OPs original post, it seems clear that the DIL doesn't consider this to be the first instance of showing favoritism. OP seems unwilling to acknowledge this.
4.) OP decides to respond in a completely snarky way to a DIL who was already feeling hurt.

So stop focusing on the fact that you wouldn't be hurt to be excluded like that. It's not about the single event. It is about a (assumed, based on the meme) pattern of behavior that shows favoritism to one granddaughter over another.

[Anonymous]

My MIL had one of those 4 generation pictures done and within two years, both her mother and her daughter had passed away. Spooky.