S/O disrespectful teen on the metro? What are we as parents doing wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the responders of this thread even parents of teens? It sounds like many of you are applying small child parenting to teenagers.

This kind of behavior starts when they're small. When it's enabled at home then it turns into what you're seeing with teens. You'd be amazed at the level of disrespect we see at the elementary school level.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the responders of this thread even parents of teens? It sounds like many of you are applying small child parenting to teenagers.

This kind of behavior starts when they're small. When it's enabled at home then it turns into what you're seeing with teens. You'd be amazed at the level of disrespect we see at the elementary school level.

Right, all that stomping and sass talk you thought was cute when they were five, can't be turned around at 10 and beyond, it's too late. You train a child up in the way you want them to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just going to be honest - When we moved to DC, my kids' teachers and their their friends' parents were constantly commenting on how well-behaved and well-mannered my children were. I truly didn't understand it. They are just typical kids. After living here for a few months, it made total sense. Y'all don't raise your kids with manners. You just don't. I don't why. I don't know when it started. I don't understand it. But you have failed to teach your kids basic consideration for others. It has nothing at all to do with money or social status. It's just the way the kids in DC are raised.

My kids would never dream of not offering a seat on the metro to an adult. They open doors. They say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am". They aren't loud in public. AND - and this is important - There is absolutely nothing special about their behavior. Everyone in our hometown raises their kids to be polite. I'm not suggesting that they are perfect. They get in trouble just like all kids. But they are never, ever, ever disrespectful towards adults. I have never in my 26 years of parenting (my youngest is 16) received a phone call from a school saying my child was disrespectful or disobedient. Not one time in 26 years and with 5 kids. Our kids may break rules and push limits. But there were raised to be respectful, kind, and considerate. Y'all miss the mark on this.

They aren't special-you're right. My kids were born and have been raised in NoVA, and they have exceptional manners. Nothing special about your hometown.

I think they PP has a great point. We moved from DC to a small town in Florida that many people on DCUM would shun. My children stood out here as absolute hooligans where in DC there was nothing wrong with their manners. I'm so glad they have had this experience. They don't say ma'am and sir now but the level of consideration, courtesy, respect, eye contact is just superior and expected here. People move at a slower pace, yes, but it also means that the teen barista at Starbucks patiently describes the coffee options to the elderly patron with kindness and sincerity you would never find in the DC metro area. Sure there are outliers, parents who have taught manners to their DC kids, but here, it's cultural. Being kind and considerate is more important than test scores. It all depends on what you value as a culture and sure, you can argue that my kids won't be going to Harvard. They also won't be cussing out people on the metro.

[Anonymous]

Oh ok. Really do you not teach basics of etiquette of manner no matter where you live? Aside from sir or ma'am, it's all the same. Maybe you really weren't parenting very well. Ever hear of cotillion? Must be more stupid people than I thought living in DC. Thankfully, I don't know too many on a friend level!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...Disrespectful teen on the Metro.

OK, I haven't read the other thread, but I was a disrespectful teen on the L in Chicago at one point. I became a fully functional adult with manners.

It's probably not the parenting. It's probably being a teen, feeling invincible, feeling some sense of unfairness in the world without quite knowing what to do about it, swirling hormones, feeling safe with your friends, knowing that people are definitely judging you for your youth or your color or you gender or your socioeconomic status or your WHATEVER it is, and letting lose with the stress.

Nope. Some people just so slow and pick up manners at the slower paste, like you. Ability to handle the stress is never equal to lack of manners.

I am older now and have met many rude adults, as well as rude children. I do have to say that there is a difference in my mind about disrespectful teens at home and outside of home. I disagree with first pp about picking up manners and wonder what do you consider nice manners? I agree with above pp about picking up manners later, but to me that reads like rude teen poster wasn't exposed to proper manners while young. Couple of years ago, I was driving a mom from Manhattan around to get some food for her teen son. She kept saying how he is so difficult and yells at her and just won't do anything nice and follow any rules. She is an immigrant from a small village in Europe, but they became quite well off in New York. Then she called the Japanese restaurant to see why was it taking so long to deliver the food to her son, at sport's practice and she turned into a screamer, swearer and it was so embarrassing to listen to this. Now, she and I were barely acquaintances, so it is not like she lost her temper in a presence of her husband. I mean, would you scream your head of like that at a restaurant person while in a car with a person you barely know? Yes, they were extremely late. Now, while I witnessed her son being rude to her, he was actually very polite with me and other adults around. I always tell my teen DD, who has a quick temper at home, not to judge kids right away, but think about what is making them rude or act out, or try to put her down. Few times, it turned out that there was unemployment, another time Dad was an alcoholic and had anger issues, so I try to educated my DD about this, and while she is often dismissive, I keep repeating it when different issues come up with different kids.

Original PP here. Maybe, since I didn't read the entire thread, I missed the specifics of what bad behavior we're talking about on the metro...I meant loud clowning, mostly, in my day. Regardless, the responses I got to what I consider a fairly even handed reply are kind of telling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh ok. Really do you not teach basics of etiquette of manner no matter where you live? Aside from sir or ma'am, it's all the same. Maybe you really weren't parenting very well. Ever hear of cotillion? Must be more stupid people than I thought living in DC. Thankfully, I don't know too many on a friend level!

what the hell does this mean?

[Anonymous]

People laugh and comment when my children say thank you or you're welcome, as if it's unusual. We say these things to each other in our home. That's why they do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the responders of this thread even parents of teens? It sounds like many of you are applying small child parenting to teenagers.

This kind of behavior starts when they're small. When it's enabled at home then it turns into what you're seeing with teens. You'd be amazed at the level of disrespect we see at the elementary school level.

Right, all that stomping and sass talk you thought was cute when they were five, can't be turned around at 10 and beyond, it's too late. You train a child up in the way you want them to go.

Again, do any of you actually have teens?

[Anonymous]

Interesting how comments are deleted from this chain. But the clearly insulting ones to individual posters are not. Franky. Insulting to discussion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Black lives matter has instructed blacks to verbally abuse and resist arrest. There's your problem.

No, they were already doing that before. BLM is now asking everyone to videotape, edit, and send out to social media.

... and now there is proof that some blacks are poorly raised understanding the not soft society but they still wonder why that segment of our country continues to struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Black lives matter has instructed blacks to verbally abuse and resist arrest. There's your problem.

No, they were already doing that before. BLM is now asking everyone to videotape, edit, and send out to social media.

... and now there is proof that some blacks are poorly raised understanding the not soft society but they still wonder why that segment of our country continues to struggle.

Some people, period, are poorly raised. I know kids of a variety of races who have decent manners in public and a few kids of a variety of races who behave badly. I think race and BLM are irrelevant to the thread's title question.

Fact: Kids shouldn't act up or cause an inconvenient ruckus in public.

That's related to parenting, and I don't think it has anything to do with race to say that parents should be raising their kids to be respectful of others.

Fact: The BLM movement perceives that people of minority races are subject to disproportionately harsh treatment by law enforcement and is attempting to bring national attention to the issue because they consider it wrong.

Unless someone presents a clear and present danger to others, many people find it reasonable to say that police should not use violent or lethal means against the person. Disrespect does not warrant injury or death. No other professional would say it did if they were disrespected at work, and I personally would hold trained, armed, agents of the state to at least the same standard as the rest of the population.

Both of those facts can be true at the same time, and neither necessarily negates the other. Yes, all parents should raise all teens to behave decently in public. But I think that's a separate issue from the idea that police should treat all citizens with equal respect and should be careful to use only necessary and proportionate means in carrying out their duties to maintain public order and safety. If some people (BLM) don't think that's happening in our society, it sounds like an important issue to raise, however that's nothing to do with the idea that kids need to be taught good manners and proper behavior.