S/O disrespectful teen on the metro? What are we as parents doing wrong?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:^^ I think the poster was lamenting on a cultural issue that dates back to that time. Not discussing it over dinner

Please be quiet and take a seat, grown folk atectalkingcand you are just inserting yourself to make up stuff about black people.

OK - though I am not the one that wrote the below - its sounds like an AA did. It looks like your reaction is a perfect example of what this person is talking about - you need to fight and prove yourself to make a point rather than discuss an issue in an intelligent manner. I have made nothing up - just interpreting what I perceive to be a misunderstanding of what this person is trying to express. Although - I am a bit more optimistic and think it can go away with time and a change in social norms and expectation of future opportunities.


Anonymous wrote:
The real problem is African American teens. The mentality that we, as African Americans, need to still fight and prove ourselves like that of slavery days. Sadly it will never go away.

Intellectual Response to idiocy is a waste of time.
Here is the short answer: black people really and truly do not need you telling us what we should do and the so called problems plaguing the millions of different black folk in America!

I would never assume to give you advice. It is very clear to everyone that you are doing such a great job solving all the problems of black kids in DC. Never mind all the black folk in America.

I understand that there is a diversity of people, and I also understand as have stated that the solution needs to come internally from the community. I just know that pointing outward will not solve the problem.

Again I ask
What
Community????
Which one ???[/quote


The different black communities... as black people do not want help or advise from white people, they need to fix any self perceived problems in their own communities. It must come from within in order to be culturally appropriate or accepted.

Why ?
Seriously why do I need to go to Southeast to try to "fix" that community? Just because I am black?
I live somewhere else , why do I need to go there , just because I am black?
Are you going to Appalacia or any other area rural or urban to combat heroine and meth addiction among white people??
Come on, you have to realize how ridiculous your premise is !
But maybe u don't !

Clearly literacy is the issue here. I would never to presume to tell you to do anything. I am saying that if any individual community it to change it must come from within the community itself. On a micro-or-macro level. It would not be accepted by the community if directed by external factors.

Actually, I do volunteer in DC to work with young people with HIV/AIDS. I consider DC in general my community. If there were more white meth addicts in DC within a metro ride away I may also help them but really do not have the skills with drug addiction. I have also worked several years in Africa working with communities in post conflict situations reintegrating child combatants back into communities.

Now, what do you do to help any community?

What you said here I can understand and agree with, it is the premise that some black family in Olney is somehow responsible for "" fixing some random black I'm black teenager on metro that is what I take issue with .

[Anonymous]

^^^ That was never said nor implied. Communities must fix their own. It just depends on how people define them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ That was never said nor implied. Communities must fix their own. It just depends on how people define them.

A lot of people have implied that maybe one you but a lot of people are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just going to be honest - When we moved to DC, my kids' teachers and their their friends' parents were constantly commenting on how well-behaved and well-mannered my children were. I truly didn't understand it. They are just typical kids. After living here for a few months, it made total sense. Y'all don't raise your kids with manners. You just don't. I don't why. I don't know when it started. I don't understand it. But you have failed to teach your kids basic consideration for others. It has nothing at all to do with money or social status. It's just the way the kids in DC are raised.

My kids would never dream of not offering a seat on the metro to an adult. They open doors. They say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am". They aren't loud in public. AND - and this is important - There is absolutely nothing special about their behavior. Everyone in our hometown raises their kids to be polite. I'm not suggesting that they are perfect. They get in trouble just like all kids. But they are never, ever, ever disrespectful towards adults. I have never in my 26 years of parenting (my youngest is 16) received a phone call from a school saying my child was disrespectful or disobedient. Not one time in 26 years and with 5 kids. Our kids may break rules and push limits. But there were raised to be respectful, kind, and considerate. Y'all miss the mark on this.

How do you do this? My son was so sweet and polite as a toddler. I model good behavior and try to teach him to be respectful of adults, but he is turning into a little jerk. He is only 4, so hopefully he will shape up, but he stuck his tongue out at another parent at a playground lately (she told him not to do something) and I was mortified! I took him home immediately but he doesn't seem to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids see trashy behavior modeled at home. Kids act trashy. It's not complicated.

This. ^^^^

That woman screaming over and over again that the 18-year-old was a "baby" just enabled her to keep acting up. SHE should be ashamed of herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids never behaved like that girl. If they did I would disown them. One thing I can't stand, bad manners. NO EXCUSE.

If you ever watch parking wars on A & E, you see the most disrespectful adults on the planet. Maybe it's the urban environment. Their kids follow suit.

If my kids acted like that, I might have to let them go to jail to learn their lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids never behaved like that girl. If they did I would disown them. One thing I can't stand, bad manners. NO EXCUSE.

If you ever watch parking wars on A & E, you see the most disrespectful adults on the planet. Maybe it's the urban environment. Their kids follow suit.

If my kids acted like that, I might have to let them go to jail to learn their lesson.

I got drunk in the woods once in high school with friends, we were of course arrested. All of our parents left us in our towns jail until noon the next day. None of us ever even attempted to do the same thing again. Lesson learned in a hard, yet fairly safe manner before it elevating into bigger issues.

However, even drunk when addressing the police officers we all said, yes sir - no sir - ok sir...

[Anonymous]

Black woman here. Gen X. I grew up in a community We played and had campfires in the woods and had holiday parties and went caroling and trick-or-treating together. And in the city where I grew up my parents' parents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins all lived there, as well and there were few places I could go where someone didn't know me and my mother made it clear that I better not ever embarrass her in public, and that included having someone call her to say they saw me acting a fool.

I don't have children but this is how my siblings and cousins have raised their kids. But that feeling of knowing that people were watching out for you, but also acting as eyes and ears for your parents -- that's gone. I think that's what's missing these days.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many teens in this area that are so obnoxious, so disrespectful and I think it comes down to parents in most cases. Rich, middle class and poor alike. Students harassing and bullying teachers is common occurrence today, and then often parents taking kid's side rather than disciplining the kid. What do you think we should do differently, why are there so many kids who feel they can insult and bully teachers, parents, police officers? What are we doing wrong? Teens were always rebellious and there was always talking back, but I think now it is becoming like a contagious disease with no boundaries. What should we as parents do?[/quot


Over the weeks I walk my dogs through the streets of my NW DC neighborhood where there are very clear signs that many children live but I never hear or see any of them. I think this has something to do with. To much structured time and not enough free time and a sense of community togetherness. As I kid I would never behave poorly knowing the parents of one of my friends may see me and tell my parents. This is what is lost. Community and accountability. This leads to normal poor teen behavior to compound itself

This makes a lot of sense. Too much structured time and no proper socializing and engaging in unstructured activities with peers, by a tutor, in sports, etc..No neighbour boy to come home crying about a kid kicking him or his bike, and then parents to go talk to that kid's parents. I do remember my grandma would sit on the porch and always comment how such and such was walking with a boy/girl they didn't know, wasn't from here. And she wasn't sitting alone, all other older women were there with her, chatting and what we call gossiping. But, everybody knew everything that was going on, now nobody knows anything.

PP I notice this for my upper NW kid and it makes me sad for her loss. Kids do not run in packs, parents do not look out for other people kids, and there is no longer an abilty to tell a kid that is behaving poorly to self correct without fearing recourse. Once we get some of that back, we will see changes in our communities. Certainly less isolation.

I must say though, I grew up on a small down in the 80/90's and not an urban environment, I am not sure if this ever existed in DC/areas or if something else existed at that time.

[Anonymous]

Teenagers push boundaries. They're hard wired to do exactly that. If little Timmy didn't ever feel like he knew better and could manage on his own, he'd never move out of his parents' house and start his own family. This is the way of the world.

That being said, I had a "don't be that asshole" conversation with my teen before letting her wander around Disney with other teens.

[Anonymous]

When I was growing up my parents would just give us a look and we would stop misbehaving. My parents were not our friends until we were older. We had chores and we made dinner and did our own laundry. A lot of kids today are raised with no responsibility.

I'm raising my kids the same way but is hard. Too many parents want to take the easy way out.

[Anonymous]

The truth is we don't have that much control over our teens' behavior. Most of it is their personality.

They need to learn to make good decisions. How can they learn decision-making skills withot ever making a mistake and dealing with the consequences? They need to learn to fix mistakes. They need to learn to fail, and try again. Trying to control all of their decisions is counter-productive. They aren't completely on their own yet, but they will be soon enough.

[Anonymous]

Typical behavior from the lower class

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The truth is we don't have that much control over our teens' behavior. Most of it is their personality.

They need to learn to make good decisions. How can they learn decision-making skills withot ever making a mistake and dealing with the consequences? They need to learn to fix mistakes. They need to learn to fail, and try again. Trying to control all of their decisions is counter-productive. They aren't completely on their own yet, but they will be soon enough.

And yet in some cultures/cities, teens behave one way, and in other areas, they behave in other ways. The culture in DC is not one where I would choose to raise my teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Black woman here. Gen X. I grew up in a community We played and had campfires in the woods and had holiday parties and went caroling and trick-or-treating together. And in the city where I grew up my parents' parents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins all lived there, as well and there were few places I could go where someone didn't know me and my mother made it clear that I better not ever embarrass her in public, and that included having someone call her to say they saw me acting a fool.

I don't have children but this is how my siblings and cousins have raised their kids. But that feeling of knowing that people were watching out for you, but also acting as eyes and ears for your parents -- that's gone. I think that's what's missing these days.

I actually think this is huge. So many of us, myself included, have no local community. We've moved for schooling or jobs and find ourselves in new neighborhoods with people we don't know. So we're hesitant to correct other people's children because we don't know the families or the situations. We, of course, look out for children as normal people do, but don't know when to intervene.