S/O disrespectful teen on the metro? What are we as parents doing wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many teens in this area that are so obnoxious, so disrespectful and I think it comes down to parents in most cases. Rich, middle class and poor alike. Students harassing and bullying teachers is common occurrence today, and then often parents taking kid's side rather than disciplining the kid. What do you think we should do differently, why are there so many kids who feel they can insult and bully teachers, parents, police officers? What are we doing wrong? Teens were always rebellious and there was always talking back, but I think now it is becoming like a contagious disease with no boundaries. What should we as parents do?

That's the problem in a nutshell. I did my part. Not sure how to help other parents for fear that if I speak to their kid, I'm out of line. It's so easy for young adults to act the offender and play the victim. Thanks mom and dad, you taught me well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Black woman here. Gen X. I grew up in a community We played and had campfires in the woods and had holiday parties and went caroling and trick-or-treating together. And in the city where I grew up my parents' parents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins all lived there, as well and there were few places I could go where someone didn't know me and my mother made it clear that I better not ever embarrass her in public, and that included having someone call her to say they saw me acting a fool.

I don't have children but this is how my siblings and cousins have raised their kids. But that feeling of knowing that people were watching out for you, but also acting as eyes and ears for your parents -- that's gone. I think that's what's missing these days.

I actually think this is huge. So many of us, myself included, have no local community. We've moved for schooling or jobs and find ourselves in new neighborhoods with people we don't know. So we're hesitant to correct other people's children because we don't know the families or the situations. We, of course, look out for children as normal people do, but don't know when to intervene.

Agree with both of these. Look at how many posts we even have here, parents asking "should I say something?" A lot of advice is not to say anything, and many parents when told that their kid may have done wrong, go on offensive. I am not saying punish your kid, but I have watched my SIL blame everything her DD does on the teachers, turned out it wasn't the teachers. My own sister who has no kids and is a bit younger, is constantly blaming everything on others. Grown woman paid the invoice and instead of a bank account put the company's phone number on the form, blamed the bank clerk and blamed the company she is paying. My mom would hear something and barge in home from work and trash me first when I was a kid. There were many times she found out I wasn't to blame, didn't matter to her at all. Not saying this is right either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...Disrespectful teen on the Metro.

OK, I haven't read the other thread, but I was a disrespectful teen on the L in Chicago at one point. I became a fully functional adult with manners.

It's probably not the parenting. It's probably being a teen, feeling invincible, feeling some sense of unfairness in the world without quite knowing what to do about it, swirling hormones, feeling safe with your friends, knowing that people are definitely judging you for your youth or your color or you gender or your socioeconomic status or your WHATEVER it is, and letting lose with the stress.

Nope. Some people just so slow and pick up manners at the slower paste, like you. Ability to handle the stress is never equal to lack of manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...Disrespectful teen on the Metro.

OK, I haven't read the other thread, but I was a disrespectful teen on the L in Chicago at one point. I became a fully functional adult with manners.

It's probably not the parenting. It's probably being a teen, feeling invincible, feeling some sense of unfairness in the world without quite knowing what to do about it, swirling hormones, feeling safe with your friends, knowing that people are definitely judging you for your youth or your color or you gender or your socioeconomic status or your WHATEVER it is, and letting lose with the stress.

Nope. Some people just so slow and pick up manners at the slower paste, like you. Ability to handle the stress is never equal to lack of manners.

I am older now and have met many rude adults, as well as rude children. I do have to say that there is a difference in my mind about disrespectful teens at home and outside of home. I disagree with first pp about picking up manners and wonder what do you consider nice manners? I agree with above pp about picking up manners later, but to me that reads like rude teen poster wasn't exposed to proper manners while young. Couple of years ago, I was driving a mom from Manhattan around to get some food for her teen son. She kept saying how he is so difficult and yells at her and just won't do anything nice and follow any rules. She is an immigrant from a small village in Europe, but they became quite well off in New York. Then she called the Japanese restaurant to see why was it taking so long to deliver the food to her son, at sport's practice and she turned into a screamer, swearer and it was so embarrassing to listen to this. Now, she and I were barely acquaintances, so it is not like she lost her temper in a presence of her husband. I mean, would you scream your head of like that at a restaurant person while in a car with a person you barely know? Yes, they were extremely late. Now, while I witnessed her son being rude to her, he was actually very polite with me and other adults around. I always tell my teen DD, who has a quick temper at home, not to judge kids right away, but think about what is making them rude or act out, or try to put her down. Few times, it turned out that there was unemployment, another time Dad was an alcoholic and had anger issues, so I try to educated my DD about this, and while she is often dismissive, I keep repeating it when different issues come up with different kids.

[Anonymous]

Are the responders of this thread even parents of teens? It sounds like many of you are applying small child parenting to teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Black lives matter has instructed blacks to verbally abuse and resist arrest. There's your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the responders of this thread even parents of teens? It sounds like many of you are applying small child parenting to teenagers.

Lamenting on the failures of raising young kids leads to unruly teens.

[Anonymous]

I am OP and mother to two teens. I work with teens as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many teens in this area that are so obnoxious, so disrespectful and I think it comes down to parents in most cases. Rich, middle class and poor alike. Students harassing and bullying teachers is common occurrence today, and then often parents taking kid's side rather than disciplining the kid. What do you think we should do differently, why are there so many kids who feel they can insult and bully teachers, parents, police officers? What are we doing wrong? Teens were always rebellious and there was always talking back, but I think now it is becoming like a contagious disease with no boundaries. What should we as parents do?

You honestly think that mess comes from a good family? Please don't even put me in as "what are we parents doing wrong" when comparing. What an insult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Black lives matter has instructed blacks to verbally abuse and resist arrest. There's your problem.

No, they were already doing that before. BLM is now asking everyone to videotape, edit, and send out to social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just going to be honest - When we moved to DC, my kids' teachers and their their friends' parents were constantly commenting on how well-behaved and well-mannered my children were. I truly didn't understand it. They are just typical kids. After living here for a few months, it made total sense. Y'all don't raise your kids with manners. You just don't. I don't why. I don't know when it started. I don't understand it. But you have failed to teach your kids basic consideration for others. It has nothing at all to do with money or social status. It's just the way the kids in DC are raised.

My kids would never dream of not offering a seat on the metro to an adult. They open doors. They say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am". They aren't loud in public. AND - and this is important - There is absolutely nothing special about their behavior. Everyone in our hometown raises their kids to be polite. I'm not suggesting that they are perfect. They get in trouble just like all kids. But they are never, ever, ever disrespectful towards adults. I have never in my 26 years of parenting (my youngest is 16) received a phone call from a school saying my child was disrespectful or disobedient. Not one time in 26 years and with 5 kids. Our kids may break rules and push limits. But there were raised to be respectful, kind, and considerate. Y'all miss the mark on this.

They aren't special-you're right. My kids were born and have been raised in NoVA, and they have exceptional manners. Nothing special about your hometown.

[Anonymous]

I insisted on good manners from my children from the age of 2.5. People commented then and still do, now that they are teens. You can't wait to start modeling good manners at home. It has to be from infancy on or it won't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the responders of this thread even parents of teens? It sounds like many of you are applying small child parenting to teenagers.

This kind of behavior starts when they're small. When it's enabled at home then it turns into what you're seeing with teens. You'd be amazed at the level of disrespect we see at the elementary school level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many teens in this area that are so obnoxious, so disrespectful and I think it comes down to parents in most cases. Rich, middle class and poor alike. Students harassing and bullying teachers is common occurrence today, and then often parents taking kid's side rather than disciplining the kid. What do you think we should do differently, why are there so many kids who feel they can insult and bully teachers, parents, police officers? What are we doing wrong? Teens were always rebellious and there was always talking back, but I think now it is becoming like a contagious disease with no boundaries. What should we as parents do?

This does not happen in North Arlington. Not on any meaningful scale anyway.

Because North Arlington is broke comparatively.

What does that mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many teens in this area that are so obnoxious, so disrespectful and I think it comes down to parents in most cases. Rich, middle class and poor alike. Students harassing and bullying teachers is common occurrence today, and then often parents taking kid's side rather than disciplining the kid. What do you think we should do differently, why are there so many kids who feel they can insult and bully teachers, parents, police officers? What are we doing wrong? Teens were always rebellious and there was always talking back, but I think now it is becoming like a contagious disease with no boundaries. What should we as parents do?

You honestly think that mess comes from a good family? Please don't even put me in as "what are we parents doing wrong" when comparing. What an insult.

Please define a "good family?" What does that mean to you? Wealthy, middle class, poor but with manners? How do you define a good family? If I see a kid who is decently dressed, goes to a pricey school, has tutors, wealthy parents, participates in sports, is that a good family? How is it then that their teen DD is insulting her high school teachers? How is it that the mother is going to the principle and asking why is this teacher asking her DD to be quiet in the class and does the teacher have principal's backing on this? For all appearance, this family is nothing but trash with all of their money to me. If you are on the same page as me in this, great, if your kids are well behaved, great, but where did I say "good family?" I said kids of all strata, so I need to ask you to rethink what you are saying, you just insulted me while claiming to be from a good family.