Men: What was your reaction when your wife said she wanted to SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't say I'd react well, but I also don't make nearly what your husband does (six figures, but not close to his numbers). However, I was pretty upfront that I was not the sort of husband who wanted to be a sole support to my wife, that I wanted a two income household, etc. I'd be pretty annoyed if my wife decided she didn't want to work anymore, without any really good reason, which I haven't seen you give.

I want to spend time with my child? That's not a good enough reason? I've been going through the motions of comparing a nanny vs. daycare (we have our name down for a couple) and I just really feel like I want to do this stuff myself. I want to do the mommy and me classes and take her to the park, etc. I want to spend long afternoons at the splash pad. I don't want to hire someone else to have all the fun with MY daughter when I could do it myself.

OP, this should NOT be a big deal. Just tell him! Admit you're worried he wouldn't "approve" - he may laugh! Once he has a baby, he might realize it would be nice for a parent (you) to stay with it. I wouldn't stress. Although I do agree to wait until after the baby is born to decide.

[Anonymous]

If your husband makes 1/3 to 1/2 a million annually, then he should prefer you home raising your child hands-on full time than paying a random stranger to do it.
The time spent caring for your precious child, especially in the early years will be the most priceless moments of your life.

To deny you & his child such a life experience because he will no longer view you as "ambitious or driven," would make no sense.

Once you become a parent, it's all about sacrifice baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I first dated DH during our first kiss I told him I would never stay at home.

Guess what, 8 years later I am a SAHM. DH earns the same you do, he is amazingly supportive. Talk to your husband OP, we can only speculate what his reaction will be.

Good old fashion bait and switch.

Niot everyone is so fickle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I first dated DH during our first kiss I told him I would never stay at home.

Guess what, 8 years later I am a SAHM. DH earns the same you do, he is amazingly supportive. Talk to your husband OP, we can only speculate what his reaction will be.

Good old fashion bait and switch.

Niot everyone is so fickle.

Fortunately DH does not see it that way. And when I told him that I truly believed it. He actually told my mother in law my comment and she said just wait till she has kids. We look back at that comment and laugh at it. All those plans and it never turns out the way you think it will. Fortunately my Stay at home arrangement works for both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He makes 3/4 of a million annually and you need to have someone else raise Junior? Is this a troll?

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He makes 3/4 of a million annually and you need to have someone else raise Junior? Is this a troll?

+1000

Using child care isn't having someone else raise Junior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never would have married a woman who would not have been a SAHM, so this wasn't even an issue.

Same. I wanted my kids to be able to be with their mother in the early years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read "The Two Income Trap" by Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA). She makes a very good case for stay at home moms, even though she was a divorced mother who went back to work of her own choice.

Ugh, I hate it when it people mischaracterize this book! This is about the struggling middle class - AND IN NO WAY ADVOCATES for women to stay home. Not that the authors are against it, but that is not the point of the book.

Further, Elizabeth Warren divorced her husband because he wouldn't let her work. I read her memoir - great read. They married when she was in college and he wanted her to drop out and be a housewife. She did and was miserable. He let her go back to school as long as didn't interfere with housework. She found a neighbor to watch the baby and went back. He let her go to law school as well - she talked him into it since it wasn't work and was more school and she got a scholarship - and she was very successful, landing offers at top firms, but she was pregnant when she graduated so didn't take them. She was miserable staying home, and he agreed to let her teach at a nearby law school but refused to lift a finger. She was miserable and one day called her aunt crying - her aunt moved in two days later and a while after that she divorced her husband, later remarrying a man who was supportive of her growing career.

While teaching, she was given a heavy load of finance and banking law subjects, and she published a study on how our financial system is built to take advantage of struggling middle class families, and even when women were getting in the workforce in droves, it wasn't helping. And that it was a systemic problem, not a family or individual failure, which is how the courts and system treated families who were in debt. It caught the attention of the media, she started doing interviews, and a Congressman asked her to come serve on a committee - which started her political career.

It didn't advocate for SAHMS (though was not against it either - it just wasn't the point of the book).

That said, OP you DH makes great money. Stay home if you want - you can always go back.

[Anonymous]

Thank you. It makes his life and our kids life infinitely better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He makes 3/4 of a million annually and you need to have someone else raise Junior? Is this a troll?

+1000

Using child care isn't having someone else raise Junior.

Using child care for 8+hours a day absolutely is having someone else raise your kid. You are simply babysitting for a couple of hours in the evening. It's totally different when they are school aged. Infants and young children belong with their mothers. We are biologically designed to feed and care for our babies.

[Anonymous]

I can't even read threads like this because we just don't have an option for one of us to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't say I'd react well, but I also don't make nearly what your husband does (six figures, but not close to his numbers). However, I was pretty upfront that I was not the sort of husband who wanted to be a sole support to my wife, that I wanted a two income household, etc. I'd be pretty annoyed if my wife decided she didn't want to work anymore, without any really good reason, which I haven't seen you give.

When I read posts like this one, I appreciate my husband even more!!

[Anonymous]

DW here. Having me stay at home was part of the plan from the start.
First step was paying off school loan.
Then 3 years prior to baby we banked my salary.
Year prior to pregnancy I worked on additional ed that would allow me to work from home.
Got pregnant. We lucked out with the two we wanted in one shot.
I was home with the kids until they started preschool.
I ran a home daycare from the time they were 18 months until they were in kindergarten.
I'm currently back at work, but I work virtually which allows for great flexibility considering returning to the office in a year or two.
I strongly wanted to. sahm when the kids were little. My H knew that from the start and was on board and liked the fact that I had year of experience in early ed.

[Anonymous]

OP went to college and pretended to be an ambitious alpha woman — and when she sank her claws into a rich schmuck she drops the 'lean in' aspirations. The ole bait & switch. Happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP went to college and pretended to be an ambitious alpha woman — and when she sank her claws into a rich schmuck she drops the 'lean in' aspirations. The ole bait & switch. Happens all the time.

No. It's called falling in love with your children. It happens to the best of women.