Men: What was your reaction when your wife said she wanted to SAHM?

[Anonymous]

I'm 6 months pregnant with our first child. I want to tell my husband that I am seriously considering quitting my job for a while to SAHM. I'm nervous about his reaction. We met in college and he's always known me as a hard working, ambitious person. But lately I've felt myself changing and not caring about work and promotions like I used to. I'm curious about what you thought if your wife went through something similar. FWIW, I'm not going to say that money is "no" issue but it's less of an issue. DH out earns me by a lot and makes enough to maintain a nice lifestyle in this area (he makes around $650-750k).

We talked about it once in the past and he said he'd be fine with whatever but back then I used to scorn SAHMs and totally scoffed. So I'm also kind of eating crow here too.

[Anonymous]

He makes 3/4 of a million annually and you need to have someone else raise Junior? Is this a troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He makes 3/4 of a million annually and you need to have someone else raise Junior? Is this a troll?

What? Did you read my post? I said I want to quit my job and be a SAHM, probably permanently.

[Anonymous]

"Whaaattt? We can't afford that!!!" But he only makes 500K.

[Anonymous]

I just can't. I can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Whaaattt? We can't afford that!!!" But he only makes 500K.

New Poster. Your husband won't let you SAHM on an income of half a million dollars? How badly do you want to do it?

[Anonymous]

I can't say I'd react well, but I also don't make nearly what your husband does (six figures, but not close to his numbers). However, I was pretty upfront that I was not the sort of husband who wanted to be a sole support to my wife, that I wanted a two income household, etc. I'd be pretty annoyed if my wife decided she didn't want to work anymore, without any really good reason, which I haven't seen you give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He makes 3/4 of a million annually and you need to have someone else raise Junior? Is this a troll?

What? Did you read my post? I said I want to quit my job and be a SAHM, probably permanently.

NP. You don't even have the baby yet. Don't make any decisions until you're at least 6 months postpartum. Seriously.

Whatever you decide, everyone will be fine.

Many women are in and out of the workforce while raising children. Just know that if you want to jump back in, it might not be at the same level you were prior to quitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't say I'd react well, but I also don't make nearly what your husband does (six figures, but not close to his numbers). However, I was pretty upfront that I was not the sort of husband who wanted to be a sole support to my wife, that I wanted a two income household, etc. I'd be pretty annoyed if my wife decided she didn't want to work anymore, without any really good reason, which I haven't seen you give.

I want to spend time with my child? That's not a good enough reason? I've been going through the motions of comparing a nanny vs. daycare (we have our name down for a couple) and I just really feel like I want to do this stuff myself. I want to do the mommy and me classes and take her to the park, etc. I want to spend long afternoons at the splash pad. I don't want to hire someone else to have all the fun with MY daughter when I could do it myself.

[Anonymous]

You could bring it up casually to test the waters again. Maybe look at financials together to understand the long-term impact. Agree not to decide until after the baby is here though.

BTW I was just like you. Type A for many years. Told my husband that I'd never stay home. Lots of things can change when the baby gets here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He makes 3/4 of a million annually and you need to have someone else raise Junior? Is this a troll?

What? Did you read my post? I said I want to quit my job and be a SAHM, probably permanently.

I DID read your post and maybe should have written "HE needs to have some else. . ." Because I cannot imagine why you need to work once the baby is born other than to be making a show of being a career-oriented person OR to wallpaper your pacer room in $50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could bring it up casually to test the waters again. Maybe look at financials together to understand the long-term impact. Agree not to decide until after the baby is here though.

BTW I was just like you. Type A for many years. Told my husband that I'd never stay home. Lots of things can change when the baby gets here.

^
Sorry - you were asking for men's opinions. Mine was happier if I stayed home (his job is demanding) but ultimately decided to let me make the decision since it would impact me the most. He was supportive either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Whaaattt? We can't afford that!!!" But he only makes 500K.

New Poster. Your husband won't let you SAHM on an income of half a million dollars? How badly do you want to do it?

DCUM needs a sarcasm emoji.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He makes 3/4 of a million annually and you need to have someone else raise Junior? Is this a troll?

What? Did you read my post? I said I want to quit my job and be a SAHM, probably permanently.

I DID read your post and maybe should have written "HE needs to have some else. . ." Because I cannot imagine why you need to work once the baby is born other than to be making a show of being a career-oriented person OR to wallpaper your pacer room in $50s.

Well to be honest, I'm worried that he'll lose respect for me despite what he may say on the outside, which is why I'm posting to see what other men think generally about this.

[Anonymous]

We talked about it while we were still dating. We k ew we were headed towards marriage. I made about 160k at the time I had a baby, leaving my career was great for me and for us. After 9 years at home raising 3 kids I recently got a job offer - we both still want me at home. I feel/felt exactly like you re: wanting to be around my own children full time. Money/resources weren't an issue for us.