How do you reconcile the reality of your aging body with the memory of your younger self?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are these 40yr olds on here?

i know. who invited kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

what "vanity and trappings" come with babies? I have two under three at 43

If you're not 50 yet, no ill intent but this is really not the forum for you.

43 + 2 under 3 is probably a lot more exhausting than simply being 50. I say that as a 50 year old woman myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I am old and not as attractive as I once was, but I have a fairly demanding job that I like, 2 teenagers, and a volunteer commitment, and so I don't really dwell on this type of navel-gazing.

So, yes, not spending tine thinking about it has some merit, BUT, what happens is this...for women, anyway....things do go south. It's not vanity we are concerned about but your perceived relevancy in this world which, let me say, really goes south. And that's hard to understand. Remember when you were becoming a teenager- everything bloomed over a short period of years and then you were no longer a child? Everyone's perception of you might have been much different than your perception of yourself, which in many cases was one of innocence maybe, a naivety of sorts. It was a while before you saw yourself as an adult.

Well, people will view you as an older lady well before your mind gets there, and it is hard to deal with. You are cut out in the work place, people offer to help you when you don't need it, and yeah, you are not pretty or cute ( if you once were) to the world- which, agree with it or not, played a role in your life. You are also lifted out of the sexual arena- you are not considered to be sexual being whether you are or not. Finally,marketing no longer cares about your looks other than to sell you anti wrinkle creams...they no longer care to market to you at all ...for clothes, for shoes ( except comfort shoes, etc.) And you feel that.

Men have it all happen differently. They maintain relevancy much much longer..their sexuality is not compromised necessarily even though everyone jokes about the blue pill.

So, it's not naval gazing, it's coming to terms with who you are in the world to the world- glad you have good self esteem because you will need it at 60.

[Anonymous]

I actually find the opinions and experience of older women to be quite valuable. I mean that very sincerely.

[Anonymous]

Ever notice how we read everywhere how "great Christie Brinkley looks" at 60 -whatever? Like it's an anomaly and we should be stunned. And she's praised and praised. For what?

She cannot stay in a relationship, however. Even when she was young. Her only hope is to maybe finally give in an lose the looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I am old and not as attractive as I once was, but I have a fairly demanding job that I like, 2 teenagers, and a volunteer commitment, and so I don't really dwell on this type of navel-gazing.

So, yes, not spending tine thinking about it has some merit, BUT, what happens is this...for women, anyway....things do go south. It's not vanity we are concerned about but your perceived relevancy in this world which, let me say, really goes south. And that's hard to understand. Remember when you were becoming a teenager- everything bloomed over a short period of years and then you were no longer a child? Everyone's perception of you might have been much different than your perception of yourself, which in many cases was one of innocence maybe, a naivety of sorts. It was a while before you saw yourself as an adult.

Well, people will view you as an older lady well before your mind gets there, and it is hard to deal with. You are cut out in the work place, people offer to help you when you don't need it, and yeah, you are not pretty or cute ( if you once were) to the world- which, agree with it or not, played a role in your life. You are also lifted out of the sexual arena- you are not considered to be sexual being whether you are or not. Finally,marketing no longer cares about your looks other than to sell you anti wrinkle creams...they no longer care to market to you at all ...for clothes, for shoes ( except comfort shoes, etc.) And you feel that. Men have it all happen differently. They maintain relevancy much much longer..their sexuality is not compromised necessarily even though everyone jokes about the blue pill.

So, it's not naval gazing, it's coming to terms with who you are in the world to the world- glad you have good self esteem because you will need it at 60.

This is all true, but there's not a thing we can do about it. The negativity on this thread is very disheartening, as a woman nearing 50.
My mom is 73 and she and her friends are very active and engaged in life. They are role models to me. Life is so f-ing short, too short to wallow in this stuff.

[Anonymous]

I am an older mom with teens - just turned 58. I do cringe when I look in the mirror. But I have my mom as my role model. She is 91 and still runs a writers' group (she is a retired English/creative writing professor). She doesn't look great, but her mind is going strong both for poetry writing and finding errors in the bills from her independent living complex. She is a big believer in exercise (although definitely a bit chubby by DCUM standards). Glad I have a good role model!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I am old and not as attractive as I once was, but I have a fairly demanding job that I like, 2 teenagers, and a volunteer commitment, and so I don't really dwell on this type of navel-gazing.

So, yes, not spending tine thinking about it has some merit, BUT, what happens is this...for women, anyway....things do go south. It's not vanity we are concerned about but your perceived relevancy in this world which, let me say, really goes south. And that's hard to understand. Remember when you were becoming a teenager- everything bloomed over a short period of years and then you were no longer a child? Everyone's perception of you might have been much different than your perception of yourself, which in many cases was one of innocence maybe, a naivety of sorts. It was a while before you saw yourself as an adult.

Well, people will view you as an older lady well before your mind gets there, and it is hard to deal with. You are cut out in the work place, people offer to help you when you don't need it, and yeah, you are not pretty or cute ( if you once were) to the world- which, agree with it or not, played a role in your life. You are also lifted out of the sexual arena- you are not considered to be sexual being whether you are or not. Finally,marketing no longer cares about your looks other than to sell you anti wrinkle creams...they no longer care to market to you at all ...for clothes, for shoes ( except comfort shoes, etc.) And you feel that. Men have it all happen differently. They maintain relevancy much much longer..their sexuality is not compromised necessarily even though everyone jokes about the blue pill.

So, it's not naval gazing, it's coming to terms with who you are in the world to the world- glad you have good self esteem because you will need it at 60.

This is all true, but there's not a thing we can do about it. The negativity on this thread is very disheartening, as a woman nearing 50.
My mom is 73 and she and her friends are very active and engaged in life. They are role models to me. Life is so f-ing short, too short to wallow in this stuff.

Yeah, you may have missed the point in the post.bNo one is wallowing...OP asked about the emotions, so it's understanding it, that's all..so it doesn't make one "wallow".....you gotta know it's coming and make a life plan.That's all. Otherwise some folks will start thinking about plastic surgery and other crap in hopes to make it better- it wont! Just deal with it.

[Anonymous]

I know this is not a popular point of view but I have to say that I'm seeing now, in my 60s, that it actually was an advantage to be a geeky boyish outsider growing up. I don't feel invisible at all. I never cared about losing my looks because they were irrelevant to my life. I was working out back when it was considered unfeminine and "suspect" for a girl to be a serious athlete and now I'm finding out that being a serious athlete has made my old age so much better.

It was really hard being a girl in the 1950s - in fact it felt like a punishment. And now I love being a woman in her 60s. Yeah, if I lose my job and have to find a new one, I'm screwed. But other than that, who gives a damn? I'm finally finding out that I made the right choice to stick with who I am, even if it made me feel like a freak when I was young.

[Anonymous]

Just turned 60. I don't mind the regular aging but the part where I have to blame myself sucks. My legs and arms are creepy because I got sunburned (badly) so many times as a kid. My face is sagging because I run and for a long time didn't use a "neck bra" (people, you must do this or save for a facelift - don't worry about people thinking you are muslim.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just turned 60. I don't mind the regular aging but the part where I have to blame myself sucks. My legs and arms are creepy because I got sunburned (badly) so many times as a kid. My face is sagging because I run and for a long time didn't use a "neck bra" (people, you must do this or save for a facelift - don't worry about people thinking you are muslim.)

Ha, the thought of wearing a "neck bra" is hilarious. When I'm in shape enough to be jogging I don't have much jiggle in my neck so no need for a neck bra.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is not a popular point of view but I have to say that I'm seeing now, in my 60s, that it actually was an advantage to be a geeky boyish outsider growing up. I don't feel invisible at all. I never cared about losing my looks because they were irrelevant to my life. I was working out back when it was considered unfeminine and "suspect" for a girl to be a serious athlete and now I'm finding out that being a serious athlete has made my old age so much better.

It was really hard being a girl in the 1950s - in fact it felt like a punishment. And now I love being a woman in her 60s. Yeah, if I lose my job and have to find a new one, I'm screwed. But other than that, who gives a damn? I'm finally finding out that I made the right choice to stick with who I am, even if it made me feel like a freak when I was young.

Are you in a long term relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. I am 49 and having a surprisingly hard time with this transition.

+1

Sadly, it gets worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this is not a popular point of view but I have to say that I'm seeing now, in my 60s, that it actually was an advantage to be a geeky boyish outsider growing up. I don't feel invisible at all. I never cared about losing my looks because they were irrelevant to my life. I was working out back when it was considered unfeminine and "suspect" for a girl to be a serious athlete and now I'm finding out that being a serious athlete has made my old age so much better.

It was really hard being a girl in the 1950s - in fact it felt like a punishment. And now I love being a woman in her 60s. Yeah, if I lose my job and have to find a new one, I'm screwed. But other than that, who gives a damn? I'm finally finding out that I made the right choice to stick with who I am, even if it made me feel like a freak when I was young.

Are you in a long term relationship?

Married 26 years.

[Anonymous]

At 46, I feel no different. I e always been a 6-day per week exerciser. Even with all the stress of competitive soccer and 6 marathons--I have zero aches and pains. No bad knees, back, shoulders, etc. I am still one of the top in every exercise class I take even competing with late 20/30-somethings.

My siblings (48 and 50) never regularly exercised and are falling apart.