How do you reconcile the reality of your aging body with the memory of your younger self?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I don't see much difference at 37

Lol. Neither did the rest of us! Your advice is obviously well-intentioned and would be good for anyone, at any age, but... Come back in 10 years.

LOL or 30 more years!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no issue with getting older. It is called acceptance.

By 45, you should be done with the having a baby stage... and all the vanity and trappings that goes with it. It's time to focus on career, hobby, volunteering, world peace, whatever.

With wisdom, hopefully you are not stuck just thinking about "your aging body with the memory of your younger self".

Hm, what "vanity and trappings" come with babies? I have two under three at 43 and am looking and feeling my worst ever...

2 under 3 would kick anyone's butt. You'll feel younger and better in just a couple of years. In the meantime you're on survival mode, hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I am old and not as attractive as I once was, but I have a fairly demanding job that I like, 2 teenagers, and a volunteer commitment, and so I don't really dwell on this type of navel-gazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I am old and not as attractive as I once was, but I have a fairly demanding job that I like, 2 teenagers, and a volunteer commitment, and so I don't really dwell on this type of navel-gazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I am old and not as attractive as I once was, but I have a fairly demanding job that I like, 2 teenagers, and a volunteer commitment, and so I don't really dwell on this type of navel-gazing.

That's great that you're so confident. But what if, next fall, your department was reorganized due to a merger, lay offs were implemented, and your Job That You Like was ripped away from you at age 55 because of ageism. You just don't look as healthy-good as the 30 yr old who replaced you, although you are most certainly more competent.

I know, I know, you'll claim you'd still be so awesome!! due to your teens and your super strong marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I don't see much difference at 37

Lol. Neither did the rest of us! Your advice is obviously well-intentioned and would be good for anyone, at any age, but... Come back in 10 years.

I agree. At 37, I was in great shape. While I'm not in terrible shape today at 50, it's much harder to keep off the weight. I try to exercise on a regular basis, but I've had to change my routine to fit my lifestyle and aging body.

So I agree. Report back in 10 years. Right now your advice is simply cutesy and rather simplistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no issue with getting older. It is called acceptance.

By 45, you should be done with the having a baby stage... and all the vanity and trappings that goes with it. It's time to focus on career, hobby, volunteering, world peace, whatever.

With wisdom, hopefully you are not stuck just thinking about "your aging body with the memory of your younger self".

Hm, what "vanity and trappings" come with babies? I have two under three at 43 and am looking and feeling my worst ever...

2 under 3 would kick anyone's butt. You'll feel younger and better in just a couple of years. In the meantime you're on survival mode, hang in there.

I had two under three at 42! It was very difficult. Plus, I was working. You'll have to sacrifice some me time for a good, long while. But try to keep active by taking walks. I used to take long walks around the neighborhood as often as possible. It was good for all of us.

It gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The aches and pains of middle age. The vision problems. The stranger who stares at you in the mirror.

How do you reconcile the reality of getting older -- dare I say of getting old -- with your memory of your better, younger self? Which one is the real you?

I know the younger me isn't coming back. Do I really need to leave that person behind in order to be happy in middle age and beyond?

What's the psychological trick you play on yourself to become OK with growing old?

[Anonymous]

it's like norman rockwell's painting Self-Portrait... i think i still look pretty young in the mirror, but my body is disagreeing.

- turning 54 next monday

[Anonymous]

what "vanity and trappings" come with babies? I have two under three at 43

If you're not 50 yet, no ill intent but this is really not the forum for you.

[Anonymous]

You know I look at my Mom and she is beautiful. She's 93. I guess it's love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I am old and not as attractive as I once was, but I have a fairly demanding job that I like, 2 teenagers, and a volunteer commitment, and so I don't really dwell on this type of navel-gazing.

That's great that you're so confident. But what if, next fall, your department was reorganized due to a merger, lay offs were implemented, and your Job That You Like was ripped away from you at age 55 because of ageism. You just don't look as healthy-good as the 30 yr old who replaced you, although you are most certainly more competent.

I know, I know, you'll claim you'd still be so awesome!! due to your teens and your super strong marriage.

NP here, but come on!! How we think about things makes a huge difference. So you are begrudging PP an optimistic, positive outlook?
Should she succumb to negativity and despair? You are really being snarky with her about her choice to focus on what is good in her life?

Yes, of course terrible things COULD happen. If she loses her job, she'll deal with that transition if and when it happens. But until that moment, all she has is moment she's living in, and she should try to enjoy it, FFS.

I'm 45 and my body is changing - I don't look the same as I did and it's very hard. But the person I was in my youth is still part of me; my physical appearance isn't everything. Believe me, I'm not immune to looking at myself in the mirror and feeling pretty terrible about it. But all you can do is sigh, and accept the inevitability of it, and move on with your day. Fighting it is such a waste of energy.

I do what I can - exercise, eat right, and find meaning in the day to day. When my father died at 68, it really knocked the wind out of me and hammered home that all we have is the moment. The things that give me pleasure are much less grand - the sunset on my evening walk, a dinner out with my family, a laugh with a friend. I no longer take anything for granted. This helps me a lot when I start to panic that the clock is ticking, my life is half over if I'm lucky and I'm not a beauty like I was before.

So OP, try to figure out what is meaningful to you at this stage in your life. Look in the mirror, feel what you feel but just shrug your shoulders and move on.
Do whatever you can do look and feel healthy and just focus on the day at hand - that's all we have.

[Anonymous]

Just to add, the aches and pains part really will be the hardest for me to deal with. I am hoping that I will be able to keep this same perspective. I recently had to start treatment for high blood pressure - it's a bitter pill. But it's life! Just keep moving forward, the best you can. It's the only way.

[Anonymous]

Why are these 40yr olds on here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are these 40yr olds on here?

Ot's very common for perimenopause to start in the 40's - and it's when the changes OP describes really begin.