How do you reconcile the reality of your aging body with the memory of your younger self?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again - then again, maybe it helps people to vent and I'm being insensitive to that. Maybe in 10 more years (im 45), that's what I'll need as well. So I apologize if I'm being a jerk. Obviously this is a sensitive topic for me!

It's hard to imagine the changes going from 40s to 50s. It's like when you had your first baby - remember how life changing it was?? It's like that... but not in positive sense.

I had my second child at 42.

double whammy for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again - then again, maybe it helps people to vent and I'm being insensitive to that. Maybe in 10 more years (im 45), that's what I'll need as well. So I apologize if I'm being a jerk. Obviously this is a sensitive topic for me!

It's hard to imagine the changes going from 40s to 50s. It's like when you had your first baby - remember how life changing it was?? It's like that... but not in positive sense.

I had my second child at 42.

double whammy for me

true that!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The aches and pains of middle age. The vision problems. The stranger who stares at you in the mirror.

How do you reconcile the reality of getting older -- dare I say of getting old -- with your memory of your better, younger self? Which one is the real you?

I know the younger me isn't coming back. Do I really need to leave that person behind in order to be happy in middle age and beyond?

What's the psychological trick you play on yourself to become OK with growing old?

This is a really interesting question and definitely something I experience. I don't look in the mirror often (we have small bathroom mirrors and that's it). I am focused on being healthy and around for my growing family. Really the past doesn't matter that much, whether that be a bad experience, or a younger self. Its past. Look forward and don't be superficial about what is important. Those are just my thoughts, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again - then again, maybe it helps people to vent and I'm being insensitive to that. Maybe in 10 more years (im 45), that's what I'll need as well. So I apologize if I'm being a jerk. Obviously this is a sensitive topic for me!

It's hard to imagine the changes going from 40s to 50s. It's like when you had your first baby - remember how life changing it was?? It's like that... but not in positive sense.

Is it the same for men? Because the older men in my family are quite active and fit into their 60's, and even 70's...do women have a harder time due to menopause (not talking cosmetic changes, but ability to stay active).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread contains what are possibly the most pessimistic, depressed posters I've ever witnessed on DCUM (ie, the people who keep stridently insisting that the positive people who are trying to stay in shape will soon realize that all is hopeless and everything goes to hell after 50).

Just...wow.

Yeah, you're right. Negativity is aging. 50 is the new 30. Enjoy!

Says the 30 yo. I am 50, fighting cancer. Frankly, I am disgusted with the shaming in this thread. No amount of excersize or fitness would help me. In fact, my cancer, survival rates peak for people with BMI of 27-32. I don't know why.

The body does degrade with age. We make up for it with better life experiences. I am happier and funnier than I was when I was 35. I also make more money. A lot more. Down side: well, there is the cancer thing....multiple scars from surgeries....But, with out those, I would not be here to be happier and funnier. And my wife would have gotten rich off the insurance.

I have a body that is barely functioning. But I am proud of it. It is all mine. Including my stent collection. You got a problem with it? Talk to your therapist. While you are off comparing yourself to me (or others), I will be off enjoying life.

PP here. You misunderstood my criticism of the responses to this thread.

Your story is what I want and need to hear. I was reacting to the negativity, and your post is the opposite.
When people responded that they are making the best of it at 49, others responded with, well, just wait until you're 59 - it gets so much worse".
I don't think that's helpful. I'm not in denial about how difficult it is to deal with an aging body, but was hoping for more stories like yours, that put things in perspective, from people who have managed to stay positive about their lives amidst all of the changes.

I was responding to the argument that if you work hard at it, you will be fine. That is not always the case. You make the best of what you have

[Anonymous]

All this talk of exercise... the problem with being fifty is that you need to exercise like crazy to look like a fit old woman. You are, however, still an old woman. And while the exercise does ameliorate my degenerative disk disease, it doesn't get rid of it. That showed up at 51. Before that, life was peachy. Now I exercise like I never had to in my entire life just so that I can bear life, forget enjoy it. And all that exercise takes time. I've had to give up many things I actually enjoy doing to fit in the exercise so I won't have pain.

[Amazin]

A lot of interesting themes. Today, at age 65, I played golf in horribly humid conditions. I walked the 18 holes and at the end I was soaked in sweat and aching. I'm in pretty good shape but I felt old. But, tonight DW and I were babysitting for my 3 year old grandson and I was rolling on the floor with him doing his version of gymnastics. Yes, I had some soreness but still found a way to do a somersault without breaking anything. The little guy howled and said "Daddy can't do that!" So there you go. I hope I feel OK in the morning!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this talk of exercise... the problem with being fifty is that you need to exercise like crazy to look like a fit old woman. You are, however, still an old woman. And while the exercise does ameliorate my degenerative disk disease, it doesn't get rid of it. That showed up at 51. Before that, life was peachy. Now I exercise like I never had to in my entire life just so that I can bear life, forget enjoy it. And all that exercise takes time. I've had to give up many things I actually enjoy doing to fit in the exercise so I won't have pain.

I'm sorry to hear this. I am 51 and workout 5 times a week. I work full time and am still raising two teenagers. I think's your disease, not your age, that's the problem. On a good day, I look 45 but never any younger, but that doesn't make me an "old woman."

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I am old and not as attractive as I once was, but I have a fairly demanding job that I like, 2 teenagers, and a volunteer commitment, and so I don't really dwell on this type of navel-gazing.

So, yes, not spending tine thinking about it has some merit, BUT, what happens is this...for women, anyway....things do go south. It's not vanity we are concerned about but your perceived relevancy in this world which, let me say, really goes south. And that's hard to understand. Remember when you were becoming a teenager- everything bloomed over a short period of years and then you were no longer a child? Everyone's perception of you might have been much different than your perception of yourself, which in many cases was one of innocence maybe, a naivety of sorts. It was a while before you saw yourself as an adult.

Well, people will view you as an older lady well before your mind gets there, and it is hard to deal with. You are cut out in the work place, people offer to help you when you don't need it, and yeah, you are not pretty or cute ( if you once were) to the world- which, agree with it or not, played a role in your life. You are also lifted out of the sexual arena- you are not considered to be sexual being whether you are or not. Finally,marketing no longer cares about your looks other than to sell you anti wrinkle creams...they no longer care to market to you at all ...for clothes, for shoes ( except comfort shoes, etc.) And you feel that.

Men have it all happen differently. They maintain relevancy much much longer..their sexuality is not compromised necessarily even though everyone jokes about the blue pill.

So, it's not naval gazing, it's coming to terms with who you are in the world to the world- glad you have good self esteem because you will need it at 60

Why are you phrasing this as if I am younger and just don't understand? I'm turning 60 in 4 years. I am not "cut out" at my workplace, I supervise younger attorneys, and handle my division's harder cases. I don't care about what someone is trying to market to me, I'm not interested in buying most of it, and never was. I'm also not interested in whether someone thinks I am pretty cute or sexy. It just does not matter to me. It never has. I am relevant in the things I care about, and viewed as such by my professional colleges and those at the organization I volunteer at. Everyone else can go to hell.

[Anonymous]

Amazin wrote:A lot of interesting themes. Today, at age 65, I played golf in horribly humid conditions. I walked the 18 holes and at the end I was soaked in sweat and aching. I'm in pretty good shape but I felt old. But, tonight DW and I were babysitting for my 3 year old grandson and I was rolling on the floor with him doing his version of gymnastics. Yes, I had some soreness but still found a way to do a somersault without breaking anything. The little guy howled and said "Daddy can't do that!" So there you go. I hope I feel OK in the morning!

There's no fool like an old fool...

Ha. I'm totally teasing you! I love this story .

[Amazin]

Anonymous wrote:

Amazin wrote:A lot of interesting themes. Today, at age 65, I played golf in horribly humid conditions. I walked the 18 holes and at the end I was soaked in sweat and aching. I'm in pretty good shape but I felt old. But, tonight DW and I were babysitting for my 3 year old grandson and I was rolling on the floor with him doing his version of gymnastics. Yes, I had some soreness but still found a way to do a somersault without breaking anything. The little guy howled and said "Daddy can't do that!" So there you go. I hope I feel OK in the morning!

There's no fool like an old fool...

Ha. I'm totally teasing you! I love this story .

Amazin here - I survived the somersault! I just completed a 1/2 mile swim and one hour workout and all the body parts remain connected. But I think I will skip future gymnastics unless its with DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again - then again, maybe it helps people to vent and I'm being insensitive to that. Maybe in 10 more years (im 45), that's what I'll need as well. So I apologize if I'm being a jerk. Obviously this is a sensitive topic for me!

It's hard to imagine the changes going from 40s to 50s. It's like when you had your first baby - remember how life changing it was?? It's like that... but not in positive sense.

Is it the same for men? Because the older men in my family are quite active and fit into their 60's, and even 70's...do women have a harder time due to menopause (not talking cosmetic changes, but ability to stay active).

Women too often become sedentary as they get older. The old use it or lose it rule comes into play. You simply have to keep moving if you want to keep moving. Yes, even when you have aches and pains of aging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yeah, I am old and not as attractive as I once was, but I have a fairly demanding job that I like, 2 teenagers, and a volunteer commitment, and so I don't really dwell on this type of navel-gazing.

So, yes, not spending tine thinking about it has some merit, BUT, what happens is this...for women, anyway....things do go south. It's not vanity we are concerned about but your perceived relevancy in this world which, let me say, really goes south. And that's hard to understand. Remember when you were becoming a teenager- everything bloomed over a short period of years and then you were no longer a child? Everyone's perception of you might have been much different than your perception of yourself, which in many cases was one of innocence maybe, a naivety of sorts. It was a while before you saw yourself as an adult.

Well, people will view you as an older lady well before your mind gets there, and it is hard to deal with. You are cut out in the work place, people offer to help you when you don't need it, and yeah, you are not pretty or cute ( if you once were) to the world- which, agree with it or not, played a role in your life. You are also lifted out of the sexual arena- you are not considered to be sexual being whether you are or not. Finally,marketing no longer cares about your looks other than to sell you anti wrinkle creams...they no longer care to market to you at all ...for clothes, for shoes ( except comfort shoes, etc.) And you feel that.

Men have it all happen differently. They maintain relevancy much much longer..their sexuality is not compromised necessarily even though everyone jokes about the blue pill.

So, it's not naval gazing, it's coming to terms with who you are in the world to the world- glad you have good self esteem because you will need it at 60

Why are you phrasing this as if I am younger and just don't understand? I'm turning 60 in 4 years. I am not "cut out" at my workplace, I supervise younger attorneys, and handle my division's harder cases. I don't care about what someone is trying to market to me, I'm not interested in buying most of it, and never was. I'm also not interested in whether someone thinks I am pretty cute or sexy. It just does not matter to me. It never has. I am relevant in the things I care about, and viewed as such by my professional colleges and those at the organization I volunteer at. Everyone else can go to hell.

Ditto. My firms's managing partner is an older women. Several department heads are women. My best friend is Sr. Vice Pres at a major corp and she is an older woman. Attitude ladies. If you think you are washed up and over the hill, others will view you that way, too.

[Anonymous]

I've never had a great body. My brother died young. I'm just grateful to have made it to 45. I sometimes envy the people who are beautiful at 45 just as I envied them at younger ages, but I'm pretty used to it now. I like my grey hair and my laugh lines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yeah, I am old and not as attractive as I once was, but I have a fairly demanding job that I like, 2 teenagers, and a volunteer commitment, and so I don't really dwell on this type of navel-gazing.

So, yes, not spending tine thinking about it has some merit, BUT, what happens is this...for women, anyway....things do go south. It's not vanity we are concerned about but your perceived relevancy in this world which, let me say, really goes south. And that's hard to understand. Remember when you were becoming a teenager- everything bloomed over a short period of years and then you were no longer a child? Everyone's perception of you might have been much different than your perception of yourself, which in many cases was one of innocence maybe, a naivety of sorts. It was a while before you saw yourself as an adult.

Well, people will view you as an older lady well before your mind gets there, and it is hard to deal with. You are cut out in the work place, people offer to help you when you don't need it, and yeah, you are not pretty or cute ( if you once were) to the world- which, agree with it or not, played a role in your life. You are also lifted out of the sexual arena- you are not considered to be sexual being whether you are or not. Finally,marketing no longer cares about your looks other than to sell you anti wrinkle creams...they no longer care to market to you at all ...for clothes, for shoes ( except comfort shoes, etc.) And you feel that.

Men have it all happen differently. They maintain relevancy much much longer..their sexuality is not compromised necessarily even though everyone jokes about the blue pill.

So, it's not naval gazing, it's coming to terms with who you are in the world to the world- glad you have good self esteem because you will need it at 60

Why are you phrasing this as if I am younger and just don't understand? I'm turning 60 in 4 years. I am not "cut out" at my workplace, I supervise younger attorneys, and handle my division's harder cases. I don't care about what someone is trying to market to me, I'm not interested in buying most of it, and never was. I'm also not interested in whether someone thinks I am pretty cute or sexy. It just does not matter to me. It never has. I am relevant in the things I care about, and viewed as such by my professional colleges and those at the organization I volunteer at. Everyone else can go to hell.

Love this. This is why I'm so happy I have a career I'm happy with, and passions I love.