When to downsize? When kids leave for college or later?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Unless your house is huge, I'd wait.

Kids come back home after college these days. And they even when they leave, -- they marry and have children. You need space for them!

I kind of feel sad for all those people whose lives revolve around their kids for decades on end. It never ends does it? My friend with a 29-year-old son, grad degree and everything, just gave him $15,000 to leave her house for good...because he and his depressing fiancee just wanted to live in her huge home forever. I can't even imagine...

I feel sad for someone who thinks like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Unless your house is huge, I'd wait.

Kids come back home after college these days. And they even when they leave, -- they marry and have children. You need space for them!

I kind of feel sad for all those people whose lives revolve around their kids for decades on end. It never ends does it? My friend with a 29-year-old son, grad degree and everything, just gave him $15,000 to leave her house for good...because he and his depressing fiancee just wanted to live in her huge home forever. I can't even imagine...

I think PP meant to come and visit not to house them. My parents up sized around the time we married and they started hosting the grand kids. The house Ii grew up in was tiny. They lived in house 2 for 20 years and were happy there Nothing sad at all.

[Anonymous]

You should never downsize if you can afford to keep a larger house. My parents downsized and it really sucks. There is not nearly enough room to come visit with the kids when they only key have two bedrooms and the second bedroom has a twin bed. The guest bed is not even big enough for two people so there is nowhere for us to sleep. I will not do this to my children and there needs to be enough room for everyone to visit during the holidays. Any house I buy after the kids go to college will have a minimum of 4 bedrooms so there is plenty of room for them to visit (hopefully with grandkids too). Honestly, I probably want 5 or six bedrooms because if both kids visit with the grandkids, (at the same time) they will need at least 4 bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious whether it was somehow helpful or important to your kids for you to still live in the same house/neighborhood where they went to high school. We will be close to retirement age when last kid goes to college and I imagine that we will not want or need the big family house at that time. But, I can also see that it would be nice for kids to come back during college to be in their old neighborhood. And then there is the thought that they might want to live rent-free after college when they start working, etc. etc.

I can see that having the family house would be convenient for certain times (holidays, etc.), but really, what do people find to be the right time to downsize. (we recently vacationed in a 2 bdrm condo -- one level and really like it! made us wonder why we have so much space and how long we will want a big house after the kids leave). I'm just looking for other people's wisdom.

Wait until after they graduate college and are a little bit settled. If things go wrong in college, they need a home to come home to. And, while in college, they will want to come home and see friends of theirs from HS - hard to do if you've moved to your retirement home

[Anonymous]

Lol this thread is so old the empty nester who started it is probably already dead

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why even downsize? What are the positives?

+1. I would still want to live in a single family home, not in a condo or townhouse.

I could see us downsizing to a smaller house, but not to a condo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Unless your house is huge, I'd wait.

Kids come back home after college these days. And they even when they leave, -- they marry and have children. You need space for them!

I kind of feel sad for all those people whose lives revolve around their kids for decades on end. It never ends does it? My friend with a 29-year-old son, grad degree and everything, just gave him $15,000 to leave her house for good...because he and his depressing fiancee just wanted to live in her huge home forever. I can't even imagine...

I would always want to have a house, but it does not need to be a huge house.

For parents who worry that their kids will need a place to live after college, one idea is to downsize from a huge house to a smaller house, and then buy a small condo as a rental property. The college grad can live in this place until he/she is fully launched (ideally paying rent to mom/dad).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to downsize, wait a few more years until they find their first stable jobs. A lot of them come back home after college.

You can still downsize and have room for them. Make sure you get a 2 bedroom maybe an office with a pullout sofa.

Give them space but don’t make them comfortable is the goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to downsize, wait a few more years until they find their first stable jobs. A lot of them come back home after college.

You can still downsize and have room for them. Make sure you get a 2 bedroom maybe an office with a pullout sofa.

Give them space but don’t make them comfortable is the goal.

A 2 bedroom means that they kids will never be able to come visit on the holidays with the grandkids. It just doesn't work. Its too expensive for the kids to rent an airbnb or hotel for a week for Thanksgiving and you still don't end up seeing the kids much if they don't stay at the house. Buying a 2bd is basically signaling to the kids that they are no welcome at the house and you don't want them to visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Unless your house is huge, I'd wait.

Kids come back home after college these days. And they even when they leave, -- they marry and have children. You need space for them!

If you have the flexibility to choose and enjoy having your kids around, I’d say wait.

My in-laws didn’t downsize, making visits with their DC, partners and grandparents easier as solo or bigger gatherings. The ILs got a lot more time with their grandkids.

My parents downsized and it was more stressful for the kids and grandkids to all visit siblings together. So we all went different times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Unless your house is huge, I'd wait.

Kids come back home after college these days. And they even when they leave, -- they marry and have children. You need space for them!



If you have the flexibility to choose and enjoy having your kids around, I’d say wait.

My in-laws didn’t downsize, making visits with their DC, partners and grandparents easier as solo or bigger gatherings. The ILs got a lot more time with their grandkids.

My parents downsized and it was more stressful for the kids and grandkids to all visit siblings together. So we all went different times.

First world problems. My parents had 7 children. That meant 7 in-laws and 8 grandchildren. There is no way they could maintain a house big enough for all of us to visit at the same time (much less cook big dinners for us). This was not even on my radar as a "thing". We stayed in hotels quite a bit (and my mom knew the hotel manager because she had taught her in school so we would get all the upgrade rooms). My mom would actually reserve the rooms and my parents would come to the hotel to have breakfast with us every day. It was nice. Much cheaper than maintaining a mansion.

If you are a family, you will make it work to visit each other. Sooner or later your parents will move to an assisted living or an apartment with more amenities for seniors (dining room, etc.). You should not deny them that help and socialization as they grow older. They do not live to entertain you. It probably won't be until they are in their late 70's or 80's, but it will happen.

And yes, you should help plan and cook meals if you spend extended time in your parents' home (as an adult). Also help clean up. You have not been "older" yet, but getting older often means you tire more easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should never downsize if you can afford to keep a larger house. My parents downsized and it really sucks. There is not nearly enough room to come visit with the kids when they only key have two bedrooms and the second bedroom has a twin bed. The guest bed is not even big enough for two people so there is nowhere for us to sleep. I will not do this to my children and there needs to be enough room for everyone to visit during the holidays. Any house I buy after the kids go to college will have a minimum of 4 bedrooms so there is plenty of room for them to visit (hopefully with grandkids too). Honestly, I probably want 5 or six bedrooms because if both kids visit with the grandkids, (at the same time) they will need at least 4 bedrooms.

You can also pay for a hotel for them or go to them some years (different people hosting). My husband and I decided that we will travel for holidays every 3-4 years. It’s exhausting traveling with three kids and two dogs or trying to find and then paying exorbitant fees for a pet sitter. We decided we wanted to have our own traditions and set our own schedule and not spend two days driving 6-9 hours with young kids.