When to downsize? When kids leave for college or later?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don't get how having 2 properties will be less hassle. Especially the lake house. My parents had a second house for a while and all they did was maintain it when they went there (or think about that). They finally sold it (even though they had it rented for a while). If you want total freedom, just rent a beach house when you go to the beach.

We would basically put the money we'd be spending into maintaining our large suburban home toward a management company to manage and maintain the property. When you do it this way there is very little hassle at all. And then we have a property that we can either sell or leave to our children/grandchildren when we pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don't get how having 2 properties will be less hassle. Especially the lake house. My parents had a second house for a while and all they did was maintain it when they went there (or think about that). They finally sold it (even though they had it rented for a while). If you want total freedom, just rent a beach house when you go to the beach.

Keep in mind that the point of the OPs thread was NOT to own 2 properties. It was take one big property, sell it, reap the rewards and move to a small property on the assumption that their grown kids could actually *shocker* take care of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don't get how having 2 properties will be less hassle. Especially the lake house. My parents had a second house for a while and all they did was maintain it when they went there (or think about that). They finally sold it (even though they had it rented for a while). If you want total freedom, just rent a beach house when you go to the beach.

Keep in mind that the point of the OPs thread was NOT to own 2 properties. It was take one big property, sell it, reap the rewards and move to a small property on the assumption that their grown kids could actually *shocker* take care of themselves.

And that's fine. I've stated my opinion/plan. OP is free to do what s/he wants. Unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to downsize, wait a few more years until they find their first stable jobs. A lot of them come back home after college.

A great way to not end up with a boomerang kid is to not have space for them.

If our kids have to boomerang back for a bit they will be welcome to do so. We'll have the space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not every two bedroom house has to be small. Seems to me like a 2-bedroom condo with a large living area, a pool, and the city right outside your front door would be fun for kids. And you know, if the kids/grandkids don't like it well, too bad. I'm working my ass off to provide for their education and a great life now. I think by the time I'm 65 I will have earned the right to live how I damn well please.

+1 I think that once your children are "launched", you should live however you wish. Many condos have guest rooms that can be rented. We always used a condo room rental when visiting our parents. It actually worked well . . . we all had our privacy. And, how often will your kids visit anyway? If they have a place, you can go visit them there. Or you can all take a beach vacation together. I would not sacrifice my lifestyle for the few times that they visit.

I agree everybody should 'live how they damn well please"... but we visited our in-laws about 6 times a year (they love the grandchildren).

So Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, 4th of July and 2 other random times.

Now they live in an apartment and we do not visit. It is not feasible for 6 (2 grandparents, us and our kids) adults to stay in a 2br apartment. There is nothing in the city we have not seen 3000 times. They are welcome to visit, but of course they don't want to visit, they are too set in their ways.

Personally I am happier, we have used those 6 opportunities to do what we want instead of visiting all the time, but they are sad and lonely and they do feel isolated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not every two bedroom house has to be small. Seems to me like a 2-bedroom condo with a large living area, a pool, and the city right outside your front door would be fun for kids. And you know, if the kids/grandkids don't like it well, too bad. I'm working my ass off to provide for their education and a great life now. I think by the time I'm 65 I will have earned the right to live how I damn well please.

+1 I think that once your children are "launched", you should live however you wish. Many condos have guest rooms that can be rented. We always used a condo room rental when visiting our parents. It actually worked well . . . we all had our privacy. And, how often will your kids visit anyway? If they have a place, you can go visit them there. Or you can all take a beach vacation together. I would not sacrifice my lifestyle for the few times that they visit.

I agree everybody should 'live how they damn well please"... but we visited our in-laws about 6 times a year (they love the grandchildren).

So Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, 4th of July and 2 other random times.

Now they live in an apartment and we do not visit. It is not feasible for 6 (2 grandparents, us and our kids) adults to stay in a 2br apartment. There is nothing in the city we have not seen 3000 times. They are welcome to visit, but of course they don't want to visit, they are too set in their ways.

Personally I am happier, we have used those 6 opportunities to do what we want instead of visiting all the time, but they are sad and lonely and they do feel isolated.

I am all about downsizing and if my children invite me to visit I will be all over that. I will have spent a lifetime being the party planner/host/flophouse for all family gatherings and will be more than glad to pass the torch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to downsize, wait a few more years until they find their first stable jobs. A lot of them come back home after college.

I agree. There is also the possibility that you may want to move elsewhere, e.g. to be closer to wherever they settle.

don't do this. My family and DH's family are scatter everywhere. Young adults move around, even after having kids. Pick a spot where *YOU* want to retire.

Depends on the family. It's something you need to talk about. When I was a kid my grandma moved across the country to live near us. When my parents retired they moved to live near my sister (3 sibs in my family all living in different areas of the US). In both cases it was at a point where the younger family definitely felt settled and had no plans to move. It is so much easier for the family if aging parents live near one of their children (I'd have been happy to have my parents move here but they decided they preferred the weather in CA near my sister).

I expect that we will stay in our house until we decide it's too much to take care of and then move to live near one of our kids, who I hope will be settled by that point. We never upsized our house when we had kids so it's a bit tight now but will still be a comfortable size when they move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not every two bedroom house has to be small. Seems to me like a 2-bedroom condo with a large living area, a pool, and the city right outside your front door would be fun for kids. And you know, if the kids/grandkids don't like it well, too bad. I'm working my ass off to provide for their education and a great life now. I think by the time I'm 65 I will have earned the right to live how I damn well please.

+1 I think that once your children are "launched", you should live however you wish. Many condos have guest rooms that can be rented. We always used a condo room rental when visiting our parents. It actually worked well . . . we all had our privacy. And, how often will your kids visit anyway? If they have a place, you can go visit them there. Or you can all take a beach vacation together. I would not sacrifice my lifestyle for the few times that they visit.

I agree everybody should 'live how they damn well please"... but we visited our in-laws about 6 times a year (they love the grandchildren).

So Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, 4th of July and 2 other random times.

Now they live in an apartment and we do not visit. It is not feasible for 6 (2 grandparents, us and our kids) adults to stay in a 2br apartment. There is nothing in the city we have not seen 3000 times. They are welcome to visit, but of course they don't want to visit, they are too set in their ways.

Personally I am happier, we have used those 6 opportunities to do what we want instead of visiting all the time, but they are sad and lonely and they do feel isolated.

Agreed. It's about what you want in retirement though. If you want family to visit, you need a guest bedroom (or preferably 2!), if you just want to travel and see the city, get that city condo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to downsize, wait a few more years until they find their first stable jobs. A lot of them come back home after college.

I agree. There is also the possibility that you may want to move elsewhere, e.g. to be closer to wherever they settle.

don't do this. My family and DH's family are scatter everywhere. Young adults move around, even after having kids. Pick a spot where *YOU* want to retire.

Depends on the family. It's something you need to talk about. When I was a kid my grandma moved across the country to live near us. When my parents retired they moved to live near my sister (3 sibs in my family all living in different areas of the US). In both cases it was at a point where the younger family definitely felt settled and had no plans to move. It is so much easier for the family if aging parents live near one of their children (I'd have been happy to have my parents move here but they decided they preferred the weather in CA near my sister).

I expect that we will stay in our house until we decide it's too much to take care of and then move to live near one of our kids, who I hope will be settled by that point. We never upsized our house when we had kids so it's a bit tight now but will still be a comfortable size when they move out.

My parents moved near me when we bought a large family house and got pregnant. They knew we weren't moving any time soon and they wanted to be a part of their grandkid's lives.

[Anonymous]

So OP, after three pages, here's your answer - do what is best for you and your family. There is no one right way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Unless your house is huge, I'd wait.

Kids come back home after college these days. And they even when they leave, -- they marry and have children. You need space for them!

At some point, though, you do want to downsize. My parents didn't, and they are now too old to take care of their house - two stories, largish yard, and it's harder now to get them to move.

Can't agree more! Don't wait too long. My parents are now 67, 2 story house falling apart, big yard....but they are older now and it's so hard to get them to go thru their clutter and get their house ready to move even though it's what they want. They wish they would've done it 10 years ago when their kids were mid-20s and they didn't have grandkids yet. They had more free time and more energy!

[Anonymous]

I like how my parents downsized. They sold the suburban 4-bedroom house, moved to a 3-bedroom with a small, low-maintenance yard on a golf course (dad's a golfer) in a gated lakeside community in the mountains. Two guest bedrooms -- one for us and one for our kids (or my siblings and their kids). The community also has a lot of social activities for my parents and plenty for us and the kids to do when we visit. And my sister lives about 40 minutes away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP, after three pages, here's your answer - do what is best for you and your family. There is no one right way.

Yes, there is. My way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to downsize, wait a few more years until they find their first stable jobs. A lot of them come back home after college.

I agree. There is also the possibility that you may want to move elsewhere, e.g. to be closer to wherever they settle.

don't do this. My family and DH's family are scatter everywhere. Young adults move around, even after having kids. Pick a spot where *YOU* want to retire.

Depends on the family. It's something you need to talk about. When I was a kid my grandma moved across the country to live near us. When my parents retired they moved to live near my sister (3 sibs in my family all living in different areas of the US). In both cases it was at a point where the younger family definitely felt settled and had no plans to move. It is so much easier for the family if aging parents live near one of their children (I'd have been happy to have my parents move here but they decided they preferred the weather in CA near my sister).

I expect that we will stay in our house until we decide it's too much to take care of and then move to live near one of our kids, who I hope will be settled by that point. We never upsized our house when we had kids so it's a bit tight now but will still be a comfortable size when they move out.

My parents moved near me when we bought a large family house and got pregnant. They knew we weren't moving any time soon and they wanted to be a part of their grandkid's lives.

+1 When mine decided to downsize both my sister and I had babies. They looked at properties and considered retirement lifestyles in both of our areas and ultimately settled near her. They are very happy there and she and her kids have definitely benefiting from having our parents very involved in her life. I get jealous of that sometimes but I know she will also bear the biggest load of caring for them as they are aging. DH and I are also better off financially so it's easier for us to travel to visit them than it would have been for her to visit us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not every two bedroom house has to be small. Seems to me like a 2-bedroom condo with a large living area, a pool, and the city right outside your front door would be fun for kids. And you know, if the kids/grandkids don't like it well, too bad. I'm working my ass off to provide for their education and a great life now. I think by the time I'm 65 I will have earned the right to live how I damn well please.

+1 I think that once your children are "launched", you should live however you wish. Many condos have guest rooms that can be rented. We always used a condo room rental when visiting our parents. It actually worked well . . . we all had our privacy. And, how often will your kids visit anyway? If they have a place, you can go visit them there. Or you can all take a beach vacation together. I would not sacrifice my lifestyle for the few times that they visit.

I agree everybody should 'live how they damn well please"... but we visited our in-laws about 6 times a year (they love the grandchildren).

So Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, 4th of July and 2 other random times.

Now they live in an apartment and we do not visit. It is not feasible for 6 (2 grandparents, us and our kids) adults to stay in a 2br apartment. There is nothing in the city we have not seen 3000 times. They are welcome to visit, but of course they don't want to visit, they are too set in their ways.

Personally I am happier, we have used those 6 opportunities to do what we want instead of visiting all the time, but they are sad and lonely and they do feel isolated.

I am all about downsizing and if my children invite me to visit I will be all over that. I will have spent a lifetime being the party planner/host/flophouse for all family gatherings and will be more than glad to pass the torch.

You have to be prepared for the torch to go out. If you are okay with that. You can't expect people to take up "your torch" they want to create their own torch and that might not include what you "expect".