Young kids and extended parental travel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH just returned from 5 months away. He came back two weekends and we went for a week (although he wasn't available to spend any significant amount of time with us) kids are 4 and 6. It was tough at first but we did fine. It's no big deal.

Fair or not I think there's a huge difference between dad going for 5 months and mom going.

How so? We both play significant roles in our children's lives and we both work full time. Sure it might seem harder for the parent leaving but I don't see how mom leaving is any more difficult than dad at this age. Sure, maybe if you were dealing with nursing infants but that's not the case.

Because mom is mom. Even when dad is great, kids want their moms.

Yup, especially when they are little. My boys started gravitating towards dad as they got a bit older, but when they were under 7, it was the mom show. They have a very involved father, but they were all about me when they were little, despite the fact that dad did 50% or more of the work.

[Anonymous]

As a backup you could always pre-record some goodnight messages that your husband can use if you weren't able to talk that day, or if one of the kids is having a particularly hard bedtime. We do this sometimes when my husband is working the night shift. Little videos would also work.

Sounds like the rest of these ideas are great, as well: regular set time to call, notes/mail, regular visits, etc

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I'm disgusted by some of the responses you've already received. You are clearly in a better position to judge what is best for your family in the long term than a bunch of strangers on the internet.

I've never been away from my kids for a long stretch of time, but I've traveled frequently for work over the past few years with little kids. I think we all found Skype/FaceTime to be really difficult. Your kids are a bit older, so it may work out better. I "sent" cards with a sheet of stickers inside to my older child (the other was a baby) each day for my first few trips. I'd write them all out ahead of time, and my husband would give her one each day when the mail arrived. For a three month trip, you may not be able to do one a day for each kid, but it's something to consider.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Some people on here are awful.

I have a recording of the kids' grandparents reading stories and it's so wonderful -- maybe a dozen of the favorite stories that they like to read, and listening is a treat my kids love. Maybe you could do something similar, that your DH could put on during bedtime sometimes or just if they're missing you, for some quiet time with your voice?

[Anonymous]

Op do you guys have apple watches? If so your husband can strap his on each kid and it allows you each to send each other your heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH just returned from 5 months away. He came back two weekends and we went for a week (although he wasn't available to spend any significant amount of time with us) kids are 4 and 6. It was tough at first but we did fine. It's no big deal.

Fair or not I think there's a huge difference between dad going for 5 months and mom going.

How so? We both play significant roles in our children's lives and we both work full time. Sure it might seem harder for the parent leaving but I don't see how mom leaving is any more difficult than dad at this age. Sure, maybe if you were dealing with nursing infants but that's not the case.

Because mom is mom. Even when dad is great, kids want their moms.

Stop perpetuating sterotypes. This is why boys grow up to be shitty dad's who couldn't possibly change a diaper or do a midnight feeding - or GASP - take their kid on a week long vacation alone.

Sure, a kid may *want* mom (mine wants dad when he's at my house though...) but dad is a perfect substitute and kids need to know that both men and women can be nurturing and can take care of all the things that mom's traditionally do.

[Anonymous]

I'm not perpetuating anything. I never said dads aren't capable. But biologically, little kids want their moms. I'm not saying OP shouldn't go either just that it's different from dad leaving 3 months. It will be harder on the kids with her gone than him, that's just how it is with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not perpetuating anything. I never said dads aren't capable. But biologically, little kids want their moms. I'm not saying OP shouldn't go either just that it's different from dad leaving 3 months. It will be harder on the kids with her gone than him, that's just how it is with kids.

That may be how it is in your family. As a teacher, I know many families who truly co-parent, or where the dad is the default parent. The kids in these circumstances are connected to their dads in the same way your kids are connected to you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I didn't read through all of the comments so I'm not sure if someone has said something similar already.

My dad traveled extensively for work when I was a kid and it meant the world to me when he could come home for even a day during a long stretch. If such a thing asIfacetime had existed then, I would have loved to check in with him that way too, but as it was he called every night.

Sometimes that's just how work goes and it will be fine. I love that you are trying to make it as easy as possible on your kids. If it was my 6yo, I think she would also love some daily pics of me in my work town. Or take one of their lovies with you and include it in the pics with you! (The travels of Fluffy, Fluffy sends them a text to say she's taking good care of you, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three months will believe an eternity for the kids. Can't believe a mother would do this.
This is unheard of.

What a rude, judgmental thing to say. What about parents who are deployed??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how a regular job can expect you to relocate for 3 months without frequent opportunities to come home, especially when you have young children. What line of work is this?
I'm saying this as a military spouse. What can be so encompassing that you can't tell them you need to come home every other weekend Friday-Monday?

I can come home on the weekends, but when I'm at a job site in an area where it takes 2 hours to drive to the airport, plus the flight time, and then drive home from either Dulles or Reagan, and the only flight back requires me to leave pretty early on Sunday, it just isn't ideal. I am going to come home at least once and my DH and the kids will come out there a couple of times. It isn't something like Boston or Philly where I can get the late flight home after work on Friday and then the 6 am back Monday morning. And I need to not be prepared and not exhausted come Monday morning. The logistics are not good.

If you can get home once and they can come out there once, things will be fine. Actually, they will be fine even if you don't get a personal visit in those 3 months. Your DH and kids will get into their routine and, honestly, it will probably be harder on you than on them. I don't mean that in a disparaging way!

[Anonymous]

YOu guys know that military families and even state department families on some postings do this all the time right? And for longer than three months? It seems so unbelievably naive and sheltered to think this is unheard of. For some it really is the norm and you know what, they survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YOu guys know that military families and even state department families on some postings do this all the time right? And for longer than three months? It seems so unbelievably naive and sheltered to think this is unheard of. For some it really is the norm and you know what, they survive.

Come on, that is some super small percentage of the overall population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not perpetuating anything. I never said dads aren't capable. But biologically, little kids want their moms. I'm not saying OP shouldn't go either just that it's different from dad leaving 3 months. It will be harder on the kids with her gone than him, that's just how it is with kids.

That may be how it is in your family. As a teacher, I know many families who truly co-parent, or where the dad is the default parent. The kids in these circumstances are connected to their dads in the same way your kids are connected to you.

+1. I agree with this. My DH is just as involved as I am, and he is every bit as important to the kids as I am.

OP, in the grand scheme of things, 3 months is not a big deal. All over the world, parents of both genders have to do things like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how a regular job can expect you to relocate for 3 months without frequent opportunities to come home, especially when you have young children. What line of work is this?
I'm saying this as a military spouse. What can be so encompassing that you can't tell them you need to come home every other weekend Friday-Monday?

I can come home on the weekends, but when I'm at a job site in an area where it takes 2 hours to drive to the airport, plus the flight time, and then drive home from either Dulles or Reagan, and the only flight back requires me to leave pretty early on Sunday, it just isn't ideal. I am going to come home at least once and my DH and the kids will come out there a couple of times. It isn't something like Boston or Philly where I can get the late flight home after work on Friday and then the 6 am back Monday morning. And I need to not be prepared and not exhausted come Monday morning. The logistics are not good.

If you can get home once and they can come out there once, things will be fine. Actually, they will be fine even if you don't get a personal visit in those 3 months. Your DH and kids will get into their routine and, honestly, it will probably be harder on you than on them. I don't mean that in a disparaging way!

I agree with this PP. Your kids will miss you but - the rest of their routines will be very similar, and that will likely be very comforting for them. They will be in school/preschool, they will see their friends, they will have their dad (who loves them, and is capable of making sure they are loved, fed, clothed, bathed, and read to), and they will be at home. With pictures of you, letters to write or pictures to draw, and an excuse to make dad take extra photos to send to you.

WIth regular skype/facetime, it'll fly by.