Young kids and extended parental travel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many thanks to the PPs who took the time to write supportive responses. Bedtime tonight was the usual wrangle, but as I got them to wind down I had that sinking feeling as I thought about how much I'm going to miss them. But yes, I am doing this for them even more than for myself.

lol keep telling yourself that.
How so?

Well, let's see. If I don't go, I will be fired and will never work in this industry again as I will burn every bridge I've built over a decade. Without my salary, we won't be able to pay our mortgage. Those seem like important reasons to me. I understand that you disagree, but it isn't your life or family. I am doing what I think is best and I'm not questioning my decision.

Can I ask you honestly:
Do you really think they would fire you?
Aren't you being dramatic about never working in the industry because you chose not to leave your kids for three months?
I can't imagine a workplace would fire someone.
Couldn't you find another job?

You seem naive. Do you work?

Yes I do work.

Probably for the Feds.

Asshole, I'm a fed and I'm a frequently traveler who gave her good advice. Check yourself.

[Anonymous]

My friend had radiation treatment that required her to be away from her kids for two months (or you know, she would die and they would receive radiation poising).

Should I send her this link to show what an horrible mother she was?

You people suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YOu guys know that military families and even state department families on some postings do this all the time right? And for longer than three months? It seems so unbelievably naive and sheltered to think this is unheard of. For some it really is the norm and you know what, they survive.

Come on, that is some super small percentage of the overall population.

That's not the point. The point is that children can be separated from a parent without lasting emotional trauma (or ANY emotional trauma). And, OP's kids don't have to worry about her getting shot at or blown up like military kids do. So this situation is much better.

Military families make ends meet. They dedicated themselves to the military knowing ahead what the outcome could be.

This sounds like some elite working mom that has nannies raising the kids anyway. Will probably ship them off to boarding school soon enough.

Its awesome how only the mom gets your contempt. Awesome.

[Anonymous]

My experience: It will be harder than you think. Everyone (including you) will get sick more. There will be at least one ER visit and it will suck. The at-home parent will begin to fray and will need extra childcare/support because of the mental strain of being in charge.

Visit as often as you can. Stay in touch with the kids as much as you can but also your spouse. The marital relationship takes a hit and going back to being partners in the same house isn't easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Typical Rabenmutter.

Actually, idealizing/romanticizing motherhood and expecting women to sacrifice it all for the kinder was a big part of Hitler's politics.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/06/28/in_germany_admitting_maternal_ambivalence_is_still_a_really_big_deal.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH just returned from 5 months away. He came back two weekends and we went for a week (although he wasn't available to spend any significant amount of time with us) kids are 4 and 6. It was tough at first but we did fine. It's no big deal.

Fair or not I think there's a huge difference between dad going for 5 months and mom going.

How so? We both play significant roles in our children's lives and we both work full time. Sure it might seem harder for the parent leaving but I don't see how mom leaving is any more difficult than dad at this age. Sure, maybe if you were dealing with nursing infants but that's not the case.

Because mom is mom. Even when dad is great, kids want their moms.

This is one of those dumb comments that is the equivalent of "Because I said so." And it does a huge disservice to committed, actively involved dads, of which there are many, despite what DCUM would have you believe. Kids want their PARENTS. There is no difference between a dad going on a business trip and a mom going -- the only difference is that the mom gets judged negatively for doing it, but the dad doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? I would pass on the assignment, up to and including resigning. I know it's not what you want to hear, but there's no way I'd leave my kids (2 and 5) for three months.

My DH did a 3-month stint overseas when our first was 2, and his relationship with DC hasn't really ever recovered. It has made me extremely conservative about spending time apart as a family. I feel for military families who deal with deployments -- it is incredibly tough.

+1

Out of state assignment for a mom with young kids? It is not a place I would want employment.

What about for an out-of-state assignment for a dad with young kids? Does your answer change?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Amongst the needless barbs being thrown at me from all directions, there are a bunch of excellent ideas here. I really appreciate everyone's input!

This thread also has been an eye opener. Rabenmutter? Really?

OP - don't be disheartened. The internet -- and particularly, it seems, DCUM -- is full of hateful, spiteful people who feel free to spew out their thoughtless biases and venom ANONYMOUSLY online. I have very rarely met in real life people as ignorant and judgmental as 99% of the commenters on DCUM - so I think the nasty commenters here are a minority in the general population.

I'm glad you have been able to find some helpful advice - on the internet you often have to dig through a ton of sh*t nuggets before you find the gold.

As for the people who are convinced kids will be scarred for life by a three-month-long absence from her mother -- you need to get a grip. And stop smothering your children so that they can grow up to be actual, functioning adults. If you read these forums, seems like everyone thinks the umbilical cord should still be attached.

What about sleepaway camp? Every summer my siblings and I would go for 2 months to a sleepaway camp. We loved it and begged to go back every summer. Sure, we were homesick sometimes and missed our parents, but we were also busy living our lives, playing with our friends, and enjoying ourselves. OP's situation isn't the same -- she is the one absent this time -- but it's for a limited period of time, her kids will be with another loving caregiver (you know, their DAD -- despite commenters' attempts to minimize/denigrate his active role), and OP is being proactive thinking of ways to ease the burden on her family while she is away. Honestly, I think this will be harder on OP and her spouse than it will be on the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? I would pass on the assignment, up to and including resigning. I know it's not what you want to hear, but there's no way I'd leave my kids (2 and 5) for three months.

My DH did a 3-month stint overseas when our first was 2, and his relationship with DC hasn't really ever recovered. It has made me extremely conservative about spending time apart as a family. I feel for military families who deal with deployments -- it is incredibly tough.

+1

Out of state assignment for a mom with young kids? It is not a place I would want employment.

What about for an out-of-state assignment for a dad with young kids? Does your answer change?

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? I would pass on the assignment, up to and including resigning. I know it's not what you want to hear, but there's no way I'd leave my kids (2 and 5) for three months.

My DH did a 3-month stint overseas when our first was 2, and his relationship with DC hasn't really ever recovered. It has made me extremely conservative about spending time apart as a family. I feel for military families who deal with deployments -- it is incredibly tough.

+1

Out of state assignment for a mom with young kids? It is not a place I would want employment.

What about for an out-of-state assignment for a dad with young kids? Does your answer change?

Nope.

Then at least you're not sexist. And that's your choice, not OP's. Or anyone else's. Isn't it nice that we all get to make our own choices??? I like Amy Poehler's advice - people should just say to each other, "Good for you. But not for me!"

And OP wasn't asking for your opinion of her employment situation. She was asking for helpful tips for how to make this easier on her family. So, way to be non-responsive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many thanks to the PPs who took the time to write supportive responses. Bedtime tonight was the usual wrangle, but as I got them to wind down I had that sinking feeling as I thought about how much I'm going to miss them. But yes, I am doing this for them even more than for myself.

lol keep telling yourself that.
How so?

Well, let's see. If I don't go, I will be fired and will never work in this industry again as I will burn every bridge I've built over a decade. Without my salary, we won't be able to pay our mortgage. Those seem like important reasons to me. I understand that you disagree, but it isn't your life or family. I am doing what I think is best and I'm not questioning my decision.

Can I ask you honestly:
Do you really think they would fire you?
Aren't you being dramatic about never working in the industry because you chose not to leave your kids for three months?
I can't imagine a workplace would fire someone.
Couldn't you find another job?

You seem naive. Do you work?

Yes I do work.

Probably for the Feds.

Nope, wrong.
Healthcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three months will believe an eternity for the kids. Can't believe a mother would do this.
This is unheard of.

Oh, can it. You have no idea what her job is. When I worked for a school, one of the kids had a dad who was an undercover cop. He was away for months at a time working cases. No one judged him.

She's not asking for your disbelief and narrow-mindedness. She's saying this is her situation, what can she do to help minimize the impact on her family? Either come up with helpful suggestions or don't respond at all.

I don't care what her job is. She needs knee without mandatory three month travel. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many thanks to the PPs who took the time to write supportive responses. Bedtime tonight was the usual wrangle, but as I got them to wind down I had that sinking feeling as I thought about how much I'm going to miss them. But yes, I am doing this for them even more than for myself.

lol keep telling yourself that.
How so?

Well, let's see. If I don't go, I will be fired and will never work in this industry again as I will burn every bridge I've built over a decade. Without my salary, we won't be able to pay our mortgage. Those seem like important reasons to me. I understand that you disagree, but it isn't your life or family. I am doing what I think is best and I'm not questioning my decision.

Can I ask you honestly:
Do you really think they would fire you?
Aren't you being dramatic about never working in the industry because you chose not to leave your kids for three months?
I can't imagine a workplace would fire someone.
Couldn't you find another job?

You seem naive. Do you work?

Yes I do work.

Probably for the Feds.

Nope, wrong.
Healthcare.

You're in health care and you "can't imagine a workplace would fire someone"? Helps explain why health care in this country is so craptastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three months will believe an eternity for the kids. Can't believe a mother would do this.
This is unheard of.

Oh, can it. You have no idea what her job is. When I worked for a school, one of the kids had a dad who was an undercover cop. He was away for months at a time working cases. No one judged him.

She's not asking for your disbelief and narrow-mindedness. She's saying this is her situation, what can she do to help minimize the impact on her family? Either come up with helpful suggestions or don't respond at all.

I don't care what her job is. She needs knee without mandatory three month travel. Seriously.

And she doesn't care what your opinion is of her job situation. Again, for the slow readers here: She asked for practical ideas on how to help her family through the situation. Your incoherent expressions of your feelings are irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is absolutely nothing you can do that will make this ok for your kids. Of course you have ever right to go. But don't expect to make things easier for your children. Unless your family will starve or lose their home, no job assignment is worth this.

You asked for suggestions on making it easier for you. Somehow I doubt this will be difficult for you.

NP here, are you and other PPs friggen serious!?! would you say this to a mom in the military? its not ideal but there are many ways to ease the challenge and it will hardly have a long term impact on the children.