Young kids and extended parental travel

[Anonymous]

Agree that when the kids are older they are unlikely to remember this separation that really is like three percent of their childhood time-wise. The other 90+ percent counts more than this brief time. I'd ask if they can stay close ish to you over the course of a week and two weekends on either side. Have some gifts and notes stored away in the house for when they need them. Maybe make and freeze some special meals from mom. This can be a positive experience for dad and kids, especially if dad has some planned breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21:53, thank you so much for these great suggestions. I am planning to take the kids to Build-A-Bear so we can each create the same/similar bear to keep with us. I will definitely get the books you suggested and I like the idea of sending mail to open every day. They LOVE getting mail.

I'm used to the pudginess of DCUM but still a little surprised with the responses acting like this is so unusual. No one would bat an eyelash if I were a man, right?

My DH refused a job that involved a lot of travel and a lot more money. No way in HELL would my husband do what you are doing.

The 2yr old won't even know you when you return. Your children will be bonded much stronger to your DH. These are critical years. More important than you know.

[Anonymous]

I travel for work sometimes, though no more than 5 days. I sometimes bring thr kids along. We have an AuPair and have brought them to Vegas, Scottsdale, San Diego, Orlando, and Tampa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:21:53, thank you so much for these great suggestions. I am planning to take the kids to Build-A-Bear so we can each create the same/similar bear to keep with us. I will definitely get the books you suggested and I like the idea of sending mail to open every day. They LOVE getting mail.

I'm used to the pudginess of DCUM but still a little surprised with the responses acting like this is so unusual. No one would bat an eyelash if I were a man, right?

My DH refused a job that involved a lot of travel and a lot more money. No way in HELL would my husband do what you are doing.

The 2yr old won't even know you when you return. Your children will be bonded much stronger to your DH. These are critical years. More important than you know.

She said her kids were 4 and 6. This is not ideal, but her kids will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I travel for work sometimes, though no more than 5 days. I sometimes bring thr kids along. We have an AuPair and have brought them to Vegas, Scottsdale, San Diego, Orlando, and Tampa.

Totally irrelevant to OP who is going for months and whose kids are going to have to stay home and go to school. 5 days away is not the same as 3 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel for work sometimes, though no more than 5 days. I sometimes bring thr kids along. We have an AuPair and have brought them to Vegas, Scottsdale, San Diego, Orlando, and Tampa.

Totally irrelevant to OP who is going for months and whose kids are going to have to stay home and go to school. 5 days away is not the same as 3 months.

My kids couldn't either, but we could easily carve out a few long weekends aND in the course of 3 months, there are surely some school days off.

If I were to have to travel for my job for 3 months, it better be for enough money that I can bring my kids and sitter for a few visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never take such an assignment. They can't force you. I could quit if they did.

How can you even consider this?

Btw, people will judge you.

This is BS, your kids will be fine - and they will see a strong working mother (not one who is scared to leave them for fear the cake might burn and daddy needs his drink on time).

[Anonymous]

I think, set up a time (6pm) every day that you will call. Your kids will know that is the time that mommy calls and can look forward to that. Make sure that will work with your husband's schedule too. It will give them some stability around you not being there.

On the times (there will be) that you (or your husband) will not be able to make the call - give your kids plenty of notice and let them know why/when you will call. (i.e., Daddy can't make the 6pm call because we have swim lesson tonight, but we will talk to mommy at 7)

Make a "count down" chart that the kids can put stickers on to count the days until you are back.

I agree with the skype/reading to them - but I would do that as a not so regular thing. It's hard on the parent staying at home.

Last, send gifts/letters/packages home. It's a nice surprise treat to get mail.

[Anonymous]

Mothers in the military do this all of the time. It's the same thing. Mom is gone for a few months. Nobody flips out over that. The kids aren't scarred. I taught overseas for years and met many moms from places like Sri Lanka and the Phillipines who moved overseas to work. They sent money home and they visited every 2 years for a month or so. The OP is going away for a few months. The world will not end for her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH just returned from 5 months away. He came back two weekends and we went for a week (although he wasn't available to spend any significant amount of time with us) kids are 4 and 6. It was tough at first but we did fine. It's no big deal.

Fair or not I think there's a huge difference between dad going for 5 months and mom going.

How so? We both play significant roles in our children's lives and we both work full time. Sure it might seem harder for the parent leaving but I don't see how mom leaving is any more difficult than dad at this age. Sure, maybe if you were dealing with nursing infants but that's not the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21:53, thank you so much for these great suggestions. I am planning to take the kids to Build-A-Bear so we can each create the same/similar bear to keep with us. I will definitely get the books you suggested and I like the idea of sending mail to open every day. They LOVE getting mail.

I'm used to the pudginess of DCUM but still a little surprised with the responses acting like this is so unusual. No one would bat an eyelash if I were a man, right?

I would. I would not be ok with my husband taking a 3 month work trip.

[Anonymous]

Typical Rabenmutter.

[Anonymous]

Can your husband take the kids to see you for a week once or twice?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP - I haven't read all of the responses but wanted to chime in with some encouragement. I had to leave my family for three months for a work assignment as well, and it turned out fine. It was very, very hard, but it had to be done and it has not impacted my relationship with my child in any negative way. DC got great bonding time with DH, DH and I both appreciate each other more, and it was a good and important work experience for me. We don't ever want to do it again, though. I did FaceTime as much as I could and came home on a few weekends, and I think that helped. I cried in airports a lot (both coming and going) over how hard it was to leave them. Reading and reflecting on military moms who are deployed was helpful for perspective too. Three months is long, but it does come to an end. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH just returned from 5 months away. He came back two weekends and we went for a week (although he wasn't available to spend any significant amount of time with us) kids are 4 and 6. It was tough at first but we did fine. It's no big deal.

Fair or not I think there's a huge difference between dad going for 5 months and mom going.

How so? We both play significant roles in our children's lives and we both work full time. Sure it might seem harder for the parent leaving but I don't see how mom leaving is any more difficult than dad at this age. Sure, maybe if you were dealing with nursing infants but that's not the case.

Because mom is mom. Even when dad is great, kids want their moms.