S/O playdates, socializing and SES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has three BFFs. One is higher SES on average, one similar, and one below. Our son is of mixed heritage (Asian/White), 2 BFFs are white, one is AA. I love their friendship and that they all love each other, but I do get uncomfortable knowing that the lower SES child is always missing from bday parties. I don't think the child is excluded but rather I think the mother would feel out of place. I can relate, knowing that most parents are white and I am not, but I just can't understand how you make it such a big deal that you hold back your kid from celebrating outside of school with his buddies. That's what the big girl panties are for. As a minority, I know that it's hard to be odd man out, but put on a smile, realize people want to get to know you, and your kid loves his friends! Encourage it, my God, and hope the hostess offers you something tasty.[/quote

PP..did you know that SOME whites tend to hold Asians in higher regard than Blacks? Sad, but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm low income and I just do not like people like you. We accept invitations from genuine, down to Earth people who don't consume themselves with why others don't want to "play" with them. We don't like the rabbit food, or the vegan cakes, or the chit chat about work (yes, we work too). We like to go to parties, not networking events that include children (that's what it feels like), or try to figure out what to do with the sibling of close age that is not welcome. Our parties are fun, loud, have plenty of real food and drinks, music is on, entire families are welcome, and no one feels judged for not bringing a gift. So as much as your little imagination would like to think that we are intimidated by your wealth, we are more turned off by your boring , food-less, only the child invited can come even though we think you're a single parent, bring a gift or else birthday parties. Go on and flame away, but it is what it is.

+100...I couldn't have said it better.

[Anonymous]

I dread it each year when my two kids' birthdays come around. My wife and I see the occasion differently, and after a couple years of losing the argument, I've learned to limit my input to doing what little I can to avoid our ambition getting too big. I grew up with parties that involved one or two invited friends and cake and a few gifts. Not saying I don't have something to learn about how to have fun, or that I haven't honestly loved the wonderful events my wife has planned, but I will never relish the stress we always seem to end up going through of who to invite and how to navigate our entire social circle through designing a themed annual blowout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dread it each year when my two kids' birthdays come around. My wife and I see the occasion differently, and after a couple years of losing the argument, I've learned to limit my input to doing what little I can to avoid our ambition getting too big. I grew up with parties that involved one or two invited friends and cake and a few gifts. Not saying I don't have something to learn about how to have fun, or that I haven't honestly loved the wonderful events my wife has planned, but I will never relish the stress we always seem to end up going through of who to invite and how to navigate our entire social circle through designing a themed annual blowout.

+1 What may be worse is the unintended consequences of the sense of entitlement that these blowout parties instills in our children. I choose not to have such parties every year due to both budgetary reasons (better to put that money into their 401k) and entitlement reasons. But the years my dc does not get such a party are the years I hear endlessly how much more the parents of the other children love their child compared to me. :/