S/O playdates, socializing and SES

[Anonymous]

Recent immigrant families literally do not know the concept of "play date". I am not being rude either. These are people who are coming to the US for the first time and know very little English. "Play date" is a made up middle class american culture thing. They simply aren't going to know it right off the bat.

Also, put yourself in that parent's shoes. Do you really want to send your kid off with some stranger who you can't even understand the language they are speaking or communicate with them? You have no idea if the person is saying "hey I am going to take your kid to my house and treat them badly " or if they are saying "hey I am going to take your kid to my house and treat them royally" This goes for parties as well. I mean really think about that. Would you be comfortable doing that if your kid was 4, 5, 6? I know no upper middle class white parents who would have been.

Some lower income parents are younger. Much younger. It's intimidating to be a twenty something mom and attend a bday party with moms who are 35+. Think back to when you were 22 or 23. How would you have felt walking into a room of 35+ yr old women in a very nice house? Can you honestly say you would have been comfortable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recent immigrant families literally do not know the concept of "play date". I am not being rude either. These are people who are coming to the US for the first time and know very little English. "Play date" is a made up middle class american culture thing. They simply aren't going to know it right off the bat.

Also, put yourself in that parent's shoes. Do you really want to send your kid off with some stranger who you can't even understand the language they are speaking or communicate with them? You have no idea if the person is saying "hey I am going to take your kid to my house and treat them badly " or if they are saying "hey I am going to take your kid to my house and treat them royally" This goes for parties as well. I mean really think about that. Would you be comfortable doing that if your kid was 4, 5, 6? I know no upper middle class white parents who would have been.

Some lower income parents are younger. Much younger. It's intimidating to be a twenty something mom and attend a bday party with moms who are 35+. Think back to when you were 22 or 23. How would you have felt walking into a room of 35+ yr old women in a very nice house? Can you honestly say you would have been comfortable?

I was invited to a FOB play date literally this weekend. Excellent food.

[Anonymous]

We've offered to pick up one of DD's BFFs and bring her with us to parties. We always spin it as "since we're heading to XYZ anyway, we thought we could go do ABC beforehand and then bring both girls to the party." We also always offer playdates which involve going somewhere together (often just a park/splash pad), so that we can fetch and return BFF without it being awkward. There's no language issue, so that helps; but there are 3 other siblings and no car... so we know this is the only way BFF would realistically be able to go to parties or have playdates on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

I'm low income and I just do not like people like you. We accept invitations from genuine, down to Earth people who don't consume themselves with why others don't want to "play" with them. We don't like the rabbit food, or the vegan cakes, or the chit chat about work (yes, we work too). We like to go to parties, not networking events that include children (that's what it feels like), or try to figure out what to do with the sibling of close age that is not welcome. Our parties are fun, loud, have plenty of real food and drinks, music is on, entire families are welcome, and no one feels judged for not bringing a gift. So as much as your little imagination would like to think that we are intimidated by your wealth, we are more turned off by your boring , food-less, only the child invited can come even though we think you're a single parent, bring a gift or else birthday parties. Go on and flame away, but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't go to other kids' birthday parties when we were young because we didn't have the money to buy a present.

Same. Or I was too embarassed about the gift I could afford vs what the other kids gave. Hated when kids opened their presents at the party in front of everyone.

This is one of many reasons why we (high SES family) always put "no presents please" on our kids' birthday party invitations. I'm sure that this approach has been covered on other threads, and that people have different opinions on the topic, but we prefer to have the party be a fun time with friends rather than a gift opening show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm low income and I just do not like people like you. We accept invitations from genuine, down to Earth people who don't consume themselves with why others don't want to "play" with them. We don't like the rabbit food, or the vegan cakes, or the chit chat about work (yes, we work too). We like to go to parties, not networking events that include children (that's what it feels like), or try to figure out what to do with the sibling of close age that is not welcome. Our parties are fun, loud, have plenty of real food and drinks, music is on, entire families are welcome, and no one feels judged for not bringing a gift. So as much as your little imagination would like to think that we are intimidated by your wealth, we are more turned off by your boring , food-less, only the child invited can come even though we think you're a single parent, bring a gift or else birthday parties. Go on and flame away, but it is what it is.

You can come to my party anytime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't go to other kids' birthday parties when we were young because we didn't have the money to buy a present.

Same. Or I was too embarassed about the gift I could afford vs what the other kids gave. Hated when kids opened their presents at the party in front of everyone.

This is one of many reasons why we (high SES family) always put "no presents please" on our kids' birthday party invitations. I'm sure that this approach has been covered on other threads, and that people have different opinions on the topic, but we prefer to have the party be a fun time with friends rather than a gift opening show.

High SES children's birthday parties can easily turn into carefully-controlled events; parties with no party-fun. Parents shouldn't worry about other parents eating the food, who is making a mess, who brought an extra child, who didn't bring a gift, who didn't remember to NOT BRING a gift, who arrived late, and so forth.

For me, running out of food is the most embarrassing thing at an adult party or children's birthday party. Let it goooo, let it goooo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its cause they don't have stars on thars.

+1 truer words...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn't go to other kids' birthday parties when we were young because we didn't have the money to buy a present.

Same. Or I was too embarassed about the gift I could afford vs what the other kids gave. Hated when kids opened their presents at the party in front of everyone.

This is one of many reasons why we (high SES family) always put "no presents please" on our kids' birthday party invitations. I'm sure that this approach has been covered on other threads, and that people have different opinions on the topic, but we prefer to have the party be a fun time with friends rather than a gift opening show.

+1,000!

You (parent of invited child) don't want to spend the $ on a crappy toy, and we (parents of b-day child) don't want to make space for a few dozen new crappy toys. I love watching kids play happily together - the worst part of birthday parties is when someone ignores the "no gifts, please - you are the present" and brings something. I know they mean well, but I sure wish they'd pay attention.

[Anonymous]

I'm low income and I just do not like people like you. We accept invitations from genuine, down to Earth people who don't consume themselves with why others don't want to "play" with them. We don't like the rabbit food, or the vegan cakes, or the chit chat about work (yes, we work too). We like to go to parties, not networking events that include children (that's what it feels like), or try to figure out what to do with the sibling of close age that is not welcome. Our parties are fun, loud, have plenty of real food and drinks, music is on, entire families are welcome, and no one feels judged for not bringing a gift. So as much as your little imagination would like to think that we are intimidated by your wealth, we are more turned off by your boring , food-less, only the child invited can come even though we think you're a single parent, bring a gift or else birthday parties. Go on and flame away, but it is what it is.

Sorry, but if you can afford to throw a party with lots of food and drinks where entire families come, you are not what I consider "low income." Low income are the kids at our school who get food through blessings in a backpack for the weekend. Maybe you're not as affluent as the people you don't like who are inviting you to parties, which is a different matter entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm low income and I just do not like people like you. We accept invitations from genuine, down to Earth people who don't consume themselves with why others don't want to "play" with them. We don't like the rabbit food, or the vegan cakes, or the chit chat about work (yes, we work too). We like to go to parties, not networking events that include children (that's what it feels like), or try to figure out what to do with the sibling of close age that is not welcome. Our parties are fun, loud, have plenty of real food and drinks, music is on, entire families are welcome, and no one feels judged for not bringing a gift. So as much as your little imagination would like to think that we are intimidated by your wealth, we are more turned off by your boring , food-less, only the child invited can come even though we think you're a single parent, bring a gift or else birthday parties. Go on and flame away, but it is what it is.

Sorry, but if you can afford to throw a party with lots of food and drinks where entire families come, you are not what I consider "low income." Low income are the kids at our school who get food through blessings in a backpack for the weekend. Maybe you're not as affluent as the people you don't like who are inviting you to parties, which is a different matter entirely.

blessings in a backpack?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm low income and I just do not like people like you. We accept invitations from genuine, down to Earth people who don't consume themselves with why others don't want to "play" with them. We don't like the rabbit food, or the vegan cakes, or the chit chat about work (yes, we work too). We like to go to parties, not networking events that include children (that's what it feels like), or try to figure out what to do with the sibling of close age that is not welcome. Our parties are fun, loud, have plenty of real food and drinks, music is on, entire families are welcome, and no one feels judged for not bringing a gift. So as much as your little imagination would like to think that we are intimidated by your wealth, we are more turned off by your boring , food-less, only the child invited can come even though we think you're a single parent, bring a gift or else birthday parties. Go on and flame away, but it is what it is.

Sorry, but if you can afford to throw a party with lots of food and drinks where entire families come, you are not what I consider "low income." Low income are the kids at our school who get food through blessings in a backpack for the weekend. Maybe you're not as affluent as the people you don't like who are inviting you to parties, which is a different matter entirely.

blessings in a backpack?

There are groups (this is one) that provide food to needy families with children. School social workers know who is likely in most need and the child is sent home with food on Fridays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm low income and I just do not like people like you. We accept invitations from genuine, down to Earth people who don't consume themselves with why others don't want to "play" with them. We don't like the rabbit food, or the vegan cakes, or the chit chat about work (yes, we work too). We like to go to parties, not networking events that include children (that's what it feels like), or try to figure out what to do with the sibling of close age that is not welcome. Our parties are fun, loud, have plenty of real food and drinks, music is on, entire families are welcome, and no one feels judged for not bringing a gift. So as much as your little imagination would like to think that we are intimidated by your wealth, we are more turned off by your boring , food-less, only the child invited can come even though we think you're a single parent, bring a gift or else birthday parties. Go on and flame away, but it is what it is.

Sorry, but if you can afford to throw a party with lots of food and drinks where entire families come, you are not what I consider "low income." Low income are the kids at our school who get food through blessings in a backpack for the weekend. Maybe you're not as affluent as the people you don't like who are inviting you to parties, which is a different matter entirely.

Yes, we are low income. That doesn't mean we don't know how to save and manage a budget. Besides that, in our world everyone brings something to the party. More than half of our monthly income goes to rent. We just know how to work with what we have. Maybe you're surprised to hear from someone like me on this forum, but now you know that we don't all experience being poor the same way. We bust our asses to make sure our kids have everything they need, even if that means we don't eat so they can. We are highly involved in their school, they are both well above grade level, and in the enrichment program. I don't really need to explain my life to you. I just hope you can see past what you think poor looks like because it's not one size fits all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recent immigrant families literally do not know the concept of "play date". I am not being rude either. These are people who are coming to the US for the first time and know very little English. "Play date" is a made up middle class american culture thing. They simply aren't going to know it right off the bat.

Also, put yourself in that parent's shoes. Do you really want to send your kid off with some stranger who you can't even understand the language they are speaking or communicate with them? You have no idea if the person is saying "hey I am going to take your kid to my house and treat them badly " or if they are saying "hey I am going to take your kid to my house and treat them royally" This goes for parties as well. I mean really think about that. Would you be comfortable doing that if your kid was 4, 5, 6? I know no upper middle class white parents who would have been.

Some lower income parents are younger. Much younger. It's intimidating to be a twenty something mom and attend a bday party with moms who are 35+. Think back to when you were 22 or 23. How would you have felt walking into a room of 35+ yr old women in a very nice house? Can you honestly say you would have been comfortable?

Really? All immigrants?

I just say because you are lumping large populations of people into one pot. Are you talking about Chinese? French? Mexican?

[Anonymous]

It was explained kindly to me one time that "weekends are for church and family." The DCUM obsession with destination birthday parties and playdates is not universally shared.