S/O playdates, socializing and SES

[Anonymous]

I'm lower middle class, and I once sued the high income white people who hosted a birthday party for my kid's classmate. I slipped and fell on their patio and got food poisoning from sushi. We don talk much anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Count your blessings, I held a party and 1/2 the parents who showed up were expecting a full party for them too. After treating snacks and appetizers as a meal they started eating the kids food. One even opened some of the gift bags to pull out some of the candy and another followed suit when I only passively stopped her.

The groups inherent class was perfectly split up by the classes. Some Basic separation of the SES is a natural and necessary part of society based on commonality. Just like at work and everything else that is results based, people clump together based on similar interests, values and station instead of some idealistic notion that we can all be friends.

You realize, right, that this Nation is becoming more and more leftwing and that views such as these are considered repugnant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I have to agree with the pp. I'm an African American middle-class parent of a toddler. I'm comfortable in all settings. Yet I sometimes get the impression that some of the white families don't even try to strike up a conversation with me and my husband. My husband and I were just speaking about this the other day. Is there really such a cultural divide? I've traveled all over the world and think I have lots to say about many topics, but often find if I don't initiate the conversation it doesn't happen. Very interesting.

This is exactly what we experience sometimes. We are upper middle class, not wealthy. Our DC goes to a school with parents in the same bracket or higher, and it seems the men are the friendliest, not the wives.

Every time, we get an invitation, we reply and go if possible. Most of the time, I take our DC, not hubby b/c he works some Saturdays. Anyway, our DC brings a gift, and we stay the duration. Usually, we have a good time, but there are times when the white women just seem so aloof. It's strange to me b/c I'm warm, well-rounded and educated. I get along with the other parents, but again, it seems the men are just not racist or caught up in class. It's puzzling, really. My whole life I've been in diverse communities and schools. I have a BA and MA from two of the best schools in the country, and I'm down-to-earth, and so is my husband. We invite all of DC's friends to events and their parents, and most do come. Yet, I don't feel that we connect as much with the wealthier whites, and it has zero to do with not having anything in common.

I wonder if the OP is not aware of her own prejudices or perhaps preconceived notions. Maybe the other parents of lower SES feel it. Perhaps. I think people should just see humans as the same and not get do hung up on differences, no matter what they may be. Our events and lives will be more diverse and better in my humble opinion.

Women can be catty and snobby. Most men don't get so caught up into SES, esp at a child's bday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I have to agree with the pp. I'm an African American middle-class parent of a toddler. I'm comfortable in all settings. Yet I sometimes get the impression that some of the white families don't even try to strike up a conversation with me and my husband. My husband and I were just speaking about this the other day. Is there really such a cultural divide? I've traveled all over the world and think I have lots to say about many topics, but often find if I don't initiate the conversation it doesn't happen. Very interesting.

This is exactly what we experience sometimes. We are upper middle class, not wealthy. Our DC goes to a school with parents in the same bracket or higher, and it seems the men are the friendliest, not the wives.

Every time, we get an invitation, we reply and go if possible. Most of the time, I take our DC, not hubby b/c he works some Saturdays. Anyway, our DC brings a gift, and we stay the duration. Usually, we have a good time, but there are times when the white women just seem so aloof. It's strange to me b/c I'm warm, well-rounded and educated. I get along with the other parents, but again, it seems the men are just not racist or caught up in class. It's puzzling, really. My whole life I've been in diverse communities and schools. I have a BA and MA from two of the best schools in the country, and I'm down-to-earth, and so is my husband. We invite all of DC's friends to events and their parents, and most do come. Yet, I don't feel that we connect as much with the wealthier whites, and it has zero to do with not having anything in common.

I wonder if the OP is not aware of her own prejudices or perhaps preconceived notions. Maybe the other parents of lower SES feel it. Perhaps. I think people should just see humans as the same and not get do hung up on differences, no matter what they may be. Our events and lives will be more diverse and better in my humble opinion.

Women can be catty and snobby. Most men don't get so caught up into SES, esp at a child's bday party.

Agree. The things I have heard some higher income women say at birthday parties would be prosecutable hate speech in Europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked the mother if you offended her in some way? I would, esp since your daughters are so close.

I sort of asked the grandmother, since she was the one I saw every day, and seemed to like me. Her response was really noncommittal. The next year, both my daughter and her bff changed schools and now attend different ones. I tried reaching out a few times, got nowhere, and life moved on. It might not have had anything to do with us at all. Or it might have. It's a shame, regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I have to agree with the pp. I'm an African American middle-class parent of a toddler. I'm comfortable in all settings. Yet I sometimes get the impression that some of the white families don't even try to strike up a conversation with me and my husband. My husband and I were just speaking about this the other day. Is there really such a cultural divide? I've traveled all over the world and think I have lots to say about many topics, but often find if I don't initiate the conversation it doesn't happen. Very interesting.

+1 - I am Asian American and have had similar experiences with many White Americans especially initially when I meet them. However, this seems to be less true among non-American whites. Not sure why there seems to be such barrier that is often times hard to break through. It can be very exhausting socially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm low income and I just do not like people like you. We accept invitations from genuine, down to Earth people who don't consume themselves with why others don't want to "play" with them. We don't like the rabbit food, or the vegan cakes, or the chit chat about work (yes, we work too). We like to go to parties, not networking events that include children (that's what it feels like), or try to figure out what to do with the sibling of close age that is not welcome. Our parties are fun, loud, have plenty of real food and drinks, music is on, entire families are welcome, and no one feels judged for not bringing a gift. So as much as your little imagination would like to think that we are intimidated by your wealth, we are more turned off by your boring , food-less, only the child invited can come even though we think you're a single parent, bring a gift or else birthday parties. Go on and flame away, but it is what it is.

You can come to my party anytime.

+1 Mine too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I have to agree with the pp. I'm an African American middle-class parent of a toddler. I'm comfortable in all settings. Yet I sometimes get the impression that some of the white families don't even try to strike up a conversation with me and my husband. My husband and I were just speaking about this the other day. Is there really such a cultural divide? I've traveled all over the world and think I have lots to say about many topics, but often find if I don't initiate the conversation it doesn't happen. Very interesting.

+1 - I am Asian American and have had similar experiences with many White Americans especially initially when I meet them. However, this seems to be less true among non-American whites. Not sure why there seems to be such barrier that is often times hard to break through. It can be very exhausting socially.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Count your blessings, I held a party and 1/2 the parents who showed up were expecting a full party for them too. After treating snacks and appetizers as a meal they started eating the kids food. One even opened some of the gift bags to pull out some of the candy and another followed suit when I only passively stopped her.

The groups inherent class was perfectly split up by the classes. Some Basic separation of the SES is a natural and necessary part of society based on commonality. Just like at work and everything else that is results based, people clump together based on similar interests, values and station instead of some idealistic notion that we can all be friends.

Why on earth would you have a party and not feed the parents as well as the kids. You sound cheap and tacky. If we go to a party, we expect food, but because of people like you, we often eat before we go. I always have a full meal no matter what time of day for all kids, adults and even staff.

[Anonymous]

I grew up working class, and childhood birthday parties were never family events. The kids got dropped off, ate cake and ice cream and hot dogs, played games, and got picked up. This conversation is deeply weird to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I have to agree with the pp. I'm an African American middle-class parent of a toddler. I'm comfortable in all settings. Yet I sometimes get the impression that some of the white families don't even try to strike up a conversation with me and my husband. My husband and I were just speaking about this the other day. Is there really such a cultural divide? I've traveled all over the world and think I have lots to say about many topics, but often find if I don't initiate the conversation it doesn't happen. Very interesting.

+1 - I am Asian American and have had similar experiences with many White Americans especially initially when I meet them. However, this seems to be less true among non-American whites. Not sure why there seems to be such barrier that is often times hard to break through. It can be very exhausting socially.

I agree.

I'm the parent of the toddler who wrote this comment initially and Agree with these two posters. I've had wonderful experiences with foreigners - be they white europeans etc. Asians, south Americans etc. Interesting that this is a shared experience among all three of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Count your blessings, I held a party and 1/2 the parents who showed up were expecting a full party for them too. After treating snacks and appetizers as a meal they started eating the kids food. One even opened some of the gift bags to pull out some of the candy and another followed suit when I only passively stopped her.

The groups inherent class was perfectly split up by the classes. Some Basic separation of the SES is a natural and necessary part of society based on commonality. Just like at work and everything else that is results based, people clump together based on similar interests, values and station instead of some idealistic notion that we can all be friends.

If your kids are not "drop off" age, not providing meals for the adults is extremely classless, in my opinion. If you make me spend from 11:00 - 1:00 at your place, I don't want to stand around awkwardly to see if I get to eat the last slice of delivery pizza after the kids are done with it.

+1 the worst was a party when my kids were little (maybe 3) at Silver Stars with no food or even coffee for the grown ups. We were stuck milling around the waiting area with in the late morning with nothing to eat or drink. And the parents were all from DC so it's not like we know the neighborhood coffee shops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I have to agree with the pp. I'm an African American middle-class parent of a toddler. I'm comfortable in all settings. Yet I sometimes get the impression that some of the white families don't even try to strike up a conversation with me and my husband. My husband and I were just speaking about this the other day. Is there really such a cultural divide? I've traveled all over the world and think I have lots to say about many topics, but often find if I don't initiate the conversation it doesn't happen. Very interesting.

+1 - I am Asian American and have had similar experiences with many White Americans especially initially when I meet them. However, this seems to be less true among non-American whites. Not sure why there seems to be such barrier that is often times hard to break through. It can be very exhausting socially.

I agree.

I'm the parent of the toddler who wrote this comment initially and Agree with these two posters. I've had wonderful experiences with foreigners - be they white europeans etc. Asians, south Americans etc. Interesting that this is a shared experience among all three of us.

the toddler wrote the comment initially?? That's advanced, even for this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I have to agree with the pp. I'm an African American middle-class parent of a toddler. I'm comfortable in all settings. Yet I sometimes get the impression that some of the white families don't even try to strike up a conversation with me and my husband. My husband and I were just speaking about this the other day. Is there really such a cultural divide? I've traveled all over the world and think I have lots to say about many topics, but often find if I don't initiate the conversation it doesn't happen. Very interesting.

+1 - I am Asian American and have had similar experiences with many White Americans especially initially when I meet them. However, this seems to be less true among non-American whites. Not sure why there seems to be such barrier that is often times hard to break through. It can be very exhausting socially.

I agree.

I'm the parent of the toddler who wrote this comment initially and Agree with these two posters. I've had wonderful experiences with foreigners - be they white europeans etc. Asians, south Americans etc. Interesting that this is a shared experience among all three of us.

Add me to the list. The only white women I've befriended in this area have been from foreign countries. One of my closest friends is from Canada.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I have to agree with the pp. I'm an African American middle-class parent of a toddler. I'm comfortable in all settings. Yet I sometimes get the impression that some of the white families don't even try to strike up a conversation with me and my husband. My husband and I were just speaking about this the other day. Is there really such a cultural divide? I've traveled all over the world and think I have lots to say about many topics, but often find if I don't initiate the conversation it doesn't happen. Very interesting.

+1 - I am Asian American and have had similar experiences with many White Americans especially initially when I meet them. However, this seems to be less true among non-American whites. Not sure why there seems to be such barrier that is often times hard to break through. It can be very exhausting socially.

I agree.

I'm the parent of the toddler who wrote this comment initially and Agree with these two posters. I've had wonderful experiences with foreigners - be they white europeans etc. Asians, south Americans etc. Interesting that this is a shared experience among all three of us.

the toddler wrote the comment initially?? That's advanced, even for this area.

Haha! Well we have been working with him on spelling his first and last name lately and he surprised us last week with getting it so who knows right lol! Aren't all our kids whose parents are on dcurbanmom little geniuses .