Bf doesn't want to get me a nice rock

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BF has told me that he can't afford to get me a nice rock even though we have been dating for 4 years and have been talking marriage for 3. I just feel hurt because he could've saved about 7k easily by now but he didn't and now he wants to get me a whatever Rock just because.

Let him buy whatever he wants for you. I assume he isn't splurging for expensive new cars or toys for himself, right?

Frankly the engagement ring is a reflection of the fiance/husband, and your commitment of course. So he's only embarrassing himself if he's selectively being a cheapskate or has some issue with diamonds.

If you want diamond earrings or another diamond ring on your right hand, you can buy that!

Separately, dating for 4 years and speaking about marriage for 3 years sounds AWFUL. Are you sure he's not just throwing out lame excuses and statements in efforts to get you to dump him? Is he passive aggressive like that? Then he can turn around and say XYZ dumped me for something trivial like a small engagement ring, or not wanting to wait 6 more months, or not liking my financial position, or not liking how I leave stale pizza everywhere (even tho it's something you have talked and talked about.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BF has told me that he can't afford to get me a nice rock even though we have been dating for 4 years and have been talking marriage for 3. I just feel hurt because he could've saved about 7k easily by now but he didn't and now he wants to get me a whatever Rock just because.

Please don't get married.

×1000000

You are not on the same page, and he doesn't eveneed sound like he cares what you want. believe me, that is a bad sign before marriage he should have saved that and more, have had your best friend help, etc. the fact je is so standoffish about it suggested that he is not investing in the relationahip... bad news bad news.

this. he doesn't care about you enough to plan anything for you. get out.

[Anonymous]

Has OP even returned to comment? I call troll.

[Anonymous]

Have him get whatever ring, then throw a big engagement party with all your friends, and then they can see what a teeny weeny cheap ring he got you. It will be the talk of the town!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That Atlantic article is woefully out of date. For one thing, De Beers doesn't have a monopoly. Diamond prices are subject to a free market. A free market that values them still highly.

The point that these women are lemmings is still accurate though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BF has told me that he can't afford to get me a nice rock even though we have been dating for 4 years and have been talking marriage for 3. I just feel hurt because he could've saved about 7k easily by now but he didn't and now he wants to get me a whatever Rock just because.

Let him buy whatever he wants for you. I assume he isn't splurging for expensive new cars or toys for himself, right?

Frankly the engagement ring is a reflection of the fiance/husband, and your commitment of course. So he's only embarrassing himself if he's selectively being a cheapskate or has some issue with diamonds.

If you want diamond earrings or another diamond ring on your right hand, you can buy that!

Separately, dating for 4 years and speaking about marriage for 3 years sounds AWFUL. Are you sure he's not just throwing out lame excuses and statements in efforts to get you to dump him? Is he passive aggressive like that? Then he can turn around and say XYZ dumped me for something trivial like a small engagement ring, or not wanting to wait 6 more months, or not liking my financial position, or not liking how I leave stale pizza everywhere (even tho it's something you have talked and talked about.)

OP here. Yes. He started talking about wanting babies with me around the one year mark and I was super excited! I couldn't wait and expected an engagement at least by the end of the year...December came and went and no engagement.

And now we're going to have been dating for 4 years this June and only now he's like you should tell your father about how serious we are so we can get married.

At this point, I frankly feel...just...let down and disappointed. He also says how he can't afford to get me a big ring, just so I know and I'm not disappointed.

Who says that??

[Anonymous]

DH had thousands in the bank but spent 500 ducats on a pearl ring with tiny diamonds. He has since bought other nice jewelry but it leaves me cold. I never spend more than five euros on any accessory now and we are not poor. In ten years your tastes change. What doesn't change is the memory of DH putting his priorities and wishes above yours. The ring is not about the money. OP should leave him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BF has told me that he can't afford to get me a nice rock even though we have been dating for 4 years and have been talking marriage for 3. I just feel hurt because he could've saved about 7k easily by now but he didn't and now he wants to get me a whatever Rock just because.

Let him buy whatever he wants for you. I assume he isn't splurging for expensive new cars or toys for himself, right?

Frankly the engagement ring is a reflection of the fiance/husband, and your commitment of course. So he's only embarrassing himself if he's selectively being a cheapskate or has some issue with diamonds.

If you want diamond earrings or another diamond ring on your right hand, you can buy that!

Separately, dating for 4 years and speaking about marriage for 3 years sounds AWFUL. Are you sure he's not just throwing out lame excuses and statements in efforts to get you to dump him? Is he passive aggressive like that? Then he can turn around and say XYZ dumped me for something trivial like a small engagement ring, or not wanting to wait 6 more months, or not liking my financial position, or not liking how I leave stale pizza everywhere (even tho it's something you have talked and talked about.)

Really? I actually have observed the opposite. Some men can easily throw money around. And if they find a woman who is easily appeased/pleased by things, they see that as an easy way to be able to do whatever they want so long as they can afford to buy expensive things.

And that's fine. That arrangement works for some couples. But expensive gifts (and that's exactly what a rock is) isn't a sign of commitment or dedication or love. It's just an expensive gift.

Dating for 4 years and talking about marriage for 3 isn't a bad thing. It's prudent. Perhaps OP's BF has noticed that she might be a little shallow or materialistic, and he wanted to wait to really see if she wants to be with him or if she's just looking for a husband in general (and apparently one who will spend a lot of money on her).

Did OP communicate 3 years ago to BF that a nice engagement ring is important to her? Did she plan on contributing? How about things her BF wants? Has she saved for anything specifically for him? I mean, I'm sure she'll say she's saved for a wedding, but that is something she was saving for herself if BF doesn't care about big weddings.

Marriage is so much more than a ring. Have OP and BF talked about shared goals -- financial and otherwise? Because it sounds like they haven't. And honestly, that's important to work out before getting married.

I don't understand why people approach marriage the way they do. I don't understand why women get upset about rings. It's just foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BF has told me that he can't afford to get me a nice rock even though we have been dating for 4 years and have been talking marriage for 3. I just feel hurt because he could've saved about 7k easily by now but he didn't and now he wants to get me a whatever Rock just because.

Let him buy whatever he wants for you. I assume he isn't splurging for expensive new cars or toys for himself, right?

Frankly the engagement ring is a reflection of the fiance/husband, and your commitment of course. So he's only embarrassing himself if he's selectively being a cheapskate or has some issue with diamonds.

If you want diamond earrings or another diamond ring on your right hand, you can buy that!

Separately, dating for 4 years and speaking about marriage for 3 years sounds AWFUL. Are you sure he's not just throwing out lame excuses and statements in efforts to get you to dump him? Is he passive aggressive like that? Then he can turn around and say XYZ dumped me for something trivial like a small engagement ring, or not wanting to wait 6 more months, or not liking my financial position, or not liking how I leave stale pizza everywhere (even tho it's something you have talked and talked about.)

OP here. Yes. He started talking about wanting babies with me around the one year mark and I was super excited! I couldn't wait and expected an engagement at least by the end of the year...December came and went and no engagement.

And now we're going to have been dating for 4 years this June and only now he's like you should tell your father about how serious we are so we can get married.

At this point, I frankly feel...just...let down and disappointed. He also says how he can't afford to get me a big ring, just so I know and I'm not disappointed.

Who says that??

I would get my thoughts together and express how important this is to me. I would explain why. Maybe you always imagined what your ring would look
like. If this will weigh on you long term, tell him now. It might be a dealbreaker, for you or him.

[Anonymous]

The disappointment will not diminish over time. He is proving to you that he has no trouble letting you down. Whether you are upset about his failure to take out trash, budget properly, do his share of housework he is not going to lose any sleep. Ask yourself whether you want to give your forever to someone who is comfortable with inequality and not striving for your happiness. If he wanted you to look a certain way or try to get a certain job I bet you'd try to do that for him. He made you wait for three years after pretending it would be one year, didn't he? Why is he totally okay with you being miserable?

[Anonymous]

If OP wanted a cheap ring or thought it wrong to wear diamonds but BF insisted on buying her a huge rock to bolster his prestige I would also tell her to leave because he would then be unilaterally putting his needs above hers. It's not the money, folks.

[Anonymous]

OP - just leave the dude. It is clear that you two are not compatible. And like others said, it is only going to get worse. I am not judging you at all. You guys just have different priorities. Once you are bound by marriage and cannot leave easily, it will only make you more resentful. Roll out now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The disappointment will not diminish over time. He is proving to you that he has no trouble letting you down. Whether you are upset about his failure to take out trash, budget properly, do his share of housework he is not going to lose any sleep. Ask yourself whether you want to give your forever to someone who is comfortable with inequality and not striving for your happiness. If he wanted you to look a certain way or try to get a certain job I bet you'd try to do that for him. He made you wait for three years after pretending it would be one year, didn't he? Why is he totally okay with you being miserable?

This is ALL about what he is going to do for her.

And I suppose that she will end up splayed fat ass on the couch surfing DCUM complaining about him.

If the size of the ring is such an important bellwether to indicate how much he cares, by what measure is he to determine how much she cares?

[Anonymous]

If OP is disappointed about waiting for a proposal, perhaps taking the initiative was in order and she should have proposed gifting a 10,000 watch as a "token".

[Anonymous]

Do you guys um.. have a good relationship? Good communication? Because right now neither of you sound particularly giving or communicative. Granted this is based on a couple of lines of text regarding a single issue but a marriage isn't actually about a ring.