Another holiday with Step-families and it's just the worst... either stay married or don't remarry!

[Anonymous]

Both my DH and I come from divorced parents. There are varying levels of step families, boyfriends, etc. It's complicated.

The way I look at it, when we see them, it's a cluster. We're dividing our time among many families, spending little time with any of them. Some we'd rather not see, but have sucked it up in the past. So. We're done.

It sucks somewhat but, honestly, it wasn't worth it any longer. The divorces were their choices, not ours. We're not shuffling between homes anymore. They are welcome anytime. That's how we left it and, although I know they don't like it, they don't bug us about it. It's a firm boundary. And, when they come, we get better time with them than when we were shuttling all over our home state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry this is mostly a vent. I'm 35 and my parents divorced at age two and both remarried other divorcees with kids by the time I was 10 so I've been doing the step family dance literally my entire life and even now with a family of my own it just sucks. No one ever really truly gets along sincerely. We don't really all want to be together and don't have natural bonds. I realize that if you've never experienced this you might not believe it but it's true and I've had lots of other adult kids of divorce agree. If there is any way possible to not get divorced or at least not remarried for your kids sake. Please try. And if you absolutely must do not assume you are the Brady Bunch and your kids want to have relationships with each other or your new spouse. No matter how much time passes. I'm so tired of this defining my family and every freaking holiday.

You could say the same thing about myself and my siblings. Only non of us are step or half or anything other than full siblings. This is just the family dynamic for some families.

[Anonymous]

My DH's parents divorced and remarried, but he was grown by then. Still, I just hate spending time with his family. To me it just seems weird his original parents are not together. He doesn't interact with his step parents and it's this big charade that it's a great celebration every time we get together and it's so fake. My DH wanted to divorce but we haven't. I just don't see how divorce cures anything, as OP is pointing out. You can either be stuck with someone who doesn't love you, or split and have a more complicated life especially for your kids. Both suck.

[Anonymous]

Very few families are the Norman Rockwell picture perfect ideal.

OP, you might benefit from working with a therapist and developing some strategies to help you cope.

Personally I think you have this idea in your head of what a "normal" family looks like and I think you might be surprised to find out it doesn't exist.

[Anonymous]

There was some bullshit after my father remarried. After a couple of years of dealing with hurt feelings, my siblings and I decided to stop being so accommodating. We didn't make the effort to include step siblings. We took over the planning and had a "if you don't like it, you can piss off" attitude. I'm not close to my step siblings. I see them once every few years. We exchange pleasantries and that's about it.