Do we all hate spending time with our in-laws?

[Anonymous]

I dislike spending time with my ILs AND my own family! On my side, everything fell apart when my parents divorced in their 50s and visits just haven't been the same since. It's almost like they're not the family I grew up with, so they almost feel like ILs in that respect. I'm just not comfortable with them anymore. They're all far away.

My real ILs are local so we are lucky in the small doses regard, but when we visit we don't do anything. There's very little to talk about, no hobbies to discuss or take part in, no games to play, nowhere to go since they don't really leave the house.. Thank God for foodto focus on.

Oh, and the TV is constantly on, which makes it very hard to have those nothing conversations.

I hope once our baby is a bit older we'll have more things to talk about and do with them, because they obviously adore him. They're good people, but a visit is not an enjoyable experience. Doesn't mean we don't go, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my inlaws and I love spending time with them. I think it really is about attitude, believing they have the best intentions, letting go of little details and being glad that they are here for my husband and my kids (and me, too!) None of us are offended if someone excuses them self to take a nap or work on a project.

Well if none of my in-laws were offended if someone excuses themselves to take a nap or work on a project, I wouldn't mind spending time with them, either. But that's not the case. I swear to you, if someone leaves the room for more than 5 minutes, my MIL is chirping like a parrot..."Where's Steve? Where's Steve?"

He's taking a dump, OK? We had chili last night.

AMEN to that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, PP, you officially win the crazy in laws award! Maybe you should start an AMA

I agree. You're a saint.

[Anonymous]

No. I hate spending time with my blood family. My ILs are actually fun.

[Anonymous]

"Do we all hate spending time with our ILs?"

No, but I'm guessing that this forum could skew it that way. This is usually a place to vent or look for advice in dealing with the crazies - the lucky ones with nice ILs don't need to vent about them!

[Anonymous]

I have the opposite problem to the "No Access To Water" poster. My MIL never offers anyone a drink and expects you to dig around in her fridge to figure it out. Annoying! It's been 10 years so now I'm comfortable, but those first few years were awkward.

Now she's in the habit of asking me if I need a drink about two hours after we've arrived like she's the best hostess around. Uh yeah thanks I already got one. Two hours ago.

Don't hate them, they are just a bit awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are we different from them? Why do we set different standards for our in-laws than we do with our parents and siblings? Why can't we just get along? Spread love this holiday season and love will come back to you tenfold.

From a DIL who is taking baby steps in doing the above ?

To get back to the original post, I don't set different standards for ILs then myself or DH; ILs just insist on creating useless drama and failing to meet even the most basic standards of calm. It was one thing before I had kids: they provided plenty of popcorn opportunities. Now, letting them act out in front of my children is absolutely out of the question. If they can't behave, they can celebrate holidays without us. I won't let them set negative examples.

How hard can it be? Sit at a table, exchange polite conversation while enjoying a meal. Don't bring up past grievances or weird politics. Time with kids is not Festivus on Seinfeld. I don't care about how MIL (may she rest in peace) supposedly "favoritized" DH in the 1980s -- years before we met. Exchange gifts, share a few toasts, enjoy the holiday lights. Big deal.

But no! SIL and BIL have to act like spoiled brats into their 40s, and I have tweens to raise. I'm tired to telling my kids that we don't act like that in our house. We just share the holidays at home, in peace.

[Anonymous]

No, I actually like/ love mine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are we different from them? Why do we set different standards for our in-laws than we do with our parents and siblings? Why can't we just get along? Spread love this holiday season and love will come back to you tenfold.

From a DIL who is taking baby steps in doing the above ?

To get back to the original post, I don't set different standards for ILs then myself or DH; ILs just insist on creating useless drama and failing to meet even the most basic standards of calm. It was one thing before I had kids: they provided plenty of popcorn opportunities. Now, letting them act out in front of my children is absolutely out of the question. If they can't behave, they can celebrate holidays without us. I won't let them set negative examples.

How hard can it be? Sit at a table, exchange polite conversation while enjoying a meal. Don't bring up past grievances or weird politics. Time with kids is not Festivus on Seinfeld. I don't care about how MIL (may she rest in peace) supposedly "favoritized" DH in the 1980s -- years before we met. Exchange gifts, share a few toasts, enjoy the holiday lights. Big deal.

But no! SIL and BIL have to act like spoiled brats into their 40s, and I have tweens to raise. I'm tired to telling my kids that we don't act like that in our house. We just share the holidays at home, in peace.

Do you tell them to stop like they were your children?

Most people can get through one holiday dinner with their inlaws no matter how bad they are. The people that are complaining are the ones that have to spend 3 days or more with them since they are from out of town. How did you get through that with no complaints? Let me guess, you didn't have to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws also want to spend every second with us. If you get up to use the bathroom they might comment that you just went two hours ago. MIL is a huge control freak. She tries to pick where everyone sits (and my seat in the living area doesn't face the tv so I can't even zone out on that unless I get up and argue that I'm going to sit on the floor). We aren't allowed to even grab a glass of water without asking permission, and she often says no. There's no guest bedroom (we sleep in the living room on a pull out couch) so thus no escape. When we tried to stay in a hotel she absolutely LOST it. Holidays are the worst. On the bright side, my kids don't seem to notice her quirks and absolutely love MIL.

This is MY life. I knit and always take 2-3 projects along. It helps a ton. I am present but occupied on something else that is deemed acceptable. And when i change to a different project it gives us something else to talk about.

[/quote
THIS! THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING THIS! I'm copying your idea when super sensitive MIL is here tomorrow....if I can drown out her endless non stop chit chat about her health and dead people with a craft that benefits the kids I won't have to deal with her nasty side comments whenever i check my phone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are we different from them? Why do we set different standards for our in-laws than we do with our parents and siblings? Why can't we just get along? Spread love this holiday season and love will come back to you tenfold.

From a DIL who is taking baby steps in doing the above ?

I tried being my warm, welcoming, candid self. This is just not how the IL's operate. When outsiders are involved, they are on their best behavior. When it is just them, they are awful, insular, ingrates who would not show the least bit of kindness or consideration, lest it kill them. Maybe it should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws also want to spend every second with us. If you get up to use the bathroom they might comment that you just went two hours ago. MIL is a huge control freak. She tries to pick where everyone sits (and my seat in the living area doesn't face the tv so I can't even zone out on that unless I get up and argue that I'm going to sit on the floor). We aren't allowed to even grab a glass of water without asking permission, and she often says no. There's no guest bedroom (we sleep in the living room on a pull out couch) so thus no escape. When we tried to stay in a hotel she absolutely LOST it. Holidays are the worst. On the bright side, my kids don't seem to notice her quirks and absolutely love MIL.

This is MY life. I knit and always take 2-3 projects along. It helps a ton. I am present but occupied on something else that is deemed acceptable. And when i change to a different project it gives us something else to talk about.

[/quote
THIS! THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING THIS! I'm copying your idea when super sensitive MIL is here tomorrow....if I can drown out her endless non stop chit chat about her health and dead people with a craft that benefits the kids I won't have to deal with her nasty side comments whenever i check my phone

Are you introverted and she is extroverted?

And they wonder why DH marries the opposite (in either case)?! LOL!