Friend completely shunned me

[Anonymous]

OP is probably the type of person who turns everything into a personal offense. She has failed to even acknowledge the possibility of a misunderstanding because she is so obsessed with turning this into another personal offense. The bride was probably too tired of it to bother being polite this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:are you sure she was not joking????

She's not the joking type. Like, to a fault.

Then why joke about it to her? and I'm certain she picked the date knowing you couldn't attend. I can't apimagine another reason for her to do it. Either fly to Miami and go to her wedding or get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my old friends is getting married in a few weeks. We never got a save the date card, but the invitation arrived just a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, it's on a Friday night when I'm returning to DC from a business trip, and the wedding is in Miami. I am unable to change the trip AND I had mentioned it to her last time I'd seen her because it's a big deal and I'm pretty stressed about it. I send the RSVP card back declining, then sent her an email jokingly asking her why she had to get married on a day I can't attend. She replied back "It was on purpose. Well, I guess this is awkward."



I didn't even reply because I really don't even understand what's going on here. I feel so snubbed. Who schedules a wedding for a day when you know a friend can't attend? I totally understand not being able to schedule it so everyone can attend, but that's not what happened here. Do I write her off as a friend?

fly direct to miami. get to ceremony late if you must
anything else says you don't care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably the type of person who turns everything into a personal offense. She has failed to even acknowledge the possibility of a misunderstanding because she is so obsessed with turning this into another personal offense. The bride was probably too tired of it to bother being polite this time.

A lot of conservative Christians are this way. I grew up surrounded by them in church -- everything is a personal attack on them. Someone doesn't celebrate Christmas? It's a personal attack! Someone is having a sex a way they don't like in the privacy of their own home? Personal attack! Someone schedules a wedding they can't attend? PERSONAL ATTACK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my old friends is getting married in a few weeks. We never got a save the date card, but the invitation arrived just a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, it's on a Friday night when I'm returning to DC from a business trip, and the wedding is in Miami. I am unable to change the trip AND I had mentioned it to her last time I'd seen her because it's a big deal and I'm pretty stressed about it. I send the RSVP card back declining, then sent her an email jokingly asking her why she had to get married on a day I can't attend. She replied back "It was on purpose. Well, I guess this is awkward."



I didn't even reply because I really don't even understand what's going on here. I feel so snubbed. Who schedules a wedding for a day when you know a friend can't attend? I totally understand not being able to schedule it so everyone can attend, but that's not what happened here. Do I write her off as a friend?

fly direct to miami. get to ceremony late if you must
anything else says you don't care

For fuck's sake. EVERYONE schedules a wedding on a day a friend can't attend. If you invite more than 20 people, it's pretty much guaranteed someone won't be able to make it. Grow up.

Also, agree with PP. If this friend meant enough to you, you'd rearrange your flights or get there late so you could be there for her. Obviously she doesn't mean that much to you. Just own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my old friends is getting married in a few weeks. We never got a save the date card, but the invitation arrived just a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, it's on a Friday night when I'm returning to DC from a business trip, and the wedding is in Miami. I am unable to change the trip AND I had mentioned it to her last time I'd seen her because it's a big deal and I'm pretty stressed about it. I send the RSVP card back declining, then sent her an email jokingly asking her why she had to get married on a day I can't attend. She replied back "It was on purpose. Well, I guess this is awkward."



I didn't even reply because I really don't even understand what's going on here. I feel so snubbed. Who schedules a wedding for a day when you know a friend can't attend? I totally understand not being able to schedule it so everyone can attend, but that's not what happened here. Do I write her off as a friend?

But you said that they didn't decide to get married until after the Supreme Court decision in June. Normally, you wouldn't send a save-the-date so shortly before the actual invitation, which is sent 4-6 weeks before the event itself. I feel like you're looking for offense. Unless your friend is a master planner, there is no way she found out about your work trip, went home, booked a venue and ordered invitations in time to send them out the next week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - feel like we're missing a lot of info here. Basically NONE of this makes sense. If she sent invites out a week after you told her about your business trip, the date was set long before that - or did she book a place, print and address invites all in that week? Some huge detail is missing here.

This. I'm pretty impressed however if she was able to do this all in a week. Took us more than 5 days to get our invitations printed! I can't tell if this is a troll, op Is leaving something out, or she's just dumb but it's basically impossible for someone to book a venue and send out invitations all in the span of a week

OP is a crazy paranoiac.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - feel like we're missing a lot of info here. Basically NONE of this makes sense. If she sent invites out a week after you told her about your business trip, the date was set long before that - or did she book a place, print and address invites all in that week? Some huge detail is missing here.

This. I'm pretty impressed however if she was able to do this all in a week. Took us more than 5 days to get our invitations printed! I can't tell if this is a troll, op Is leaving something out, or she's just dumb but it's basically impossible for someone to book a venue and send out invitations all in the span of a week

OP is a crazy paranoiac.

Except OP didn't think friend did this until friend SAID she did.

People, OP isn't freaking bc of when the wedding is scheduled; OP is freaking because of the email she got from her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably the type of person who turns everything into a personal offense. She has failed to even acknowledge the possibility of a misunderstanding because she is so obsessed with turning this into another personal offense. The bride was probably too tired of it to bother being polite this time.

A lot of conservative Christians are this way. I grew up surrounded by them in church -- everything is a personal attack on them. Someone doesn't celebrate Christmas? It's a personal attack! Someone is having a sex a way they don't like in the privacy of their own home? Personal attack! Someone schedules a wedding they can't attend? PERSONAL ATTACK.

Maybe. I know a lot of non-Christians (I am not Christian myself) who are like this too! Just insecure self-obsessed people who rarely take initiative and resent when others do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - feel like we're missing a lot of info here. Basically NONE of this makes sense. If she sent invites out a week after you told her about your business trip, the date was set long before that - or did she book a place, print and address invites all in that week? Some huge detail is missing here.

This. I'm pretty impressed however if she was able to do this all in a week. Took us more than 5 days to get our invitations printed! I can't tell if this is a troll, op Is leaving something out, or she's just dumb but it's basically impossible for someone to book a venue and send out invitations all in the span of a week

OP is a crazy paranoiac.

Except OP didn't think friend did this until friend SAID she did.

People, OP isn't freaking bc of when the wedding is scheduled; OP is freaking because of the email she got from her friend.

Exactly. Some people are just DUMB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - feel like we're missing a lot of info here. Basically NONE of this makes sense. If she sent invites out a week after you told her about your business trip, the date was set long before that - or did she book a place, print and address invites all in that week? Some huge detail is missing here.

This. I'm pretty impressed however if she was able to do this all in a week. Took us more than 5 days to get our invitations printed! I can't tell if this is a troll, op Is leaving something out, or she's just dumb but it's basically impossible for someone to book a venue and send out invitations all in the span of a week

OP is a crazy paranoiac.

Except OP didn't think friend did this until friend SAID she did.

People, OP isn't freaking bc of when the wedding is scheduled; OP is freaking because of the email she got from her friend.

Right but OP actually believes that the email is true. I think it's not. I think it was her friend's reaction to OP's obnoxious email.

[Anonymous]

Give it up OP. You posted and crowd-sourced whether you should feel offended. The significant majority has said you're wrong and you've spent pages defending your position and no one's buying. If you can't grow up and let this slide, then you really aren't a very good friend and the bride-to-be is better off without you as a friend.

I agree that the conservative Christians look for opportunities to be offended and then turn everything into a drama. This is like those who think that saying Happy Holidays is a war on Christmas.

[Anonymous]

I'd have to assume that this is more of a quick and casual wedding. Not every wedding requires 12 months of reservations and planning. I could plan a reception for next weekend if I wanted to. There are lots of smaller venues and about a hundred restaurants that would cater a small reception with short notice. The couple doesn't need an officiant because they are already married.

OP, you received and "unvitation" because of your religious views. That is all. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

We could sit here all day long and speculate as to why she replied the way she did. Friend was joking, friend took offense to OP's email, OP is a judgemental Christian, etc., etc. OP, we don't truly know you or your friend, but everyone is declaring this or that as to why she allegedly snubbed you (or not), and answers are all across the board.

You just need to talk to her. Send an email (PPs had good suggestions) or call. If this woman is truly a good friend, it would be horrible to cut ties based on a misconstrued response. But if she did intentionally choose to make sure you couldn't attend, you can ask why and know that she isn't the good friend you thought she was.

Then come back and tell us!

[Anonymous]

It must have been a joke. As unfunny as your joke to her.