Friend completely shunned me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you think that, what, six months to a year ago when she set the date and started planning this wedding, your friend anticipated you would be on a business trip over those days and would be unable to change your flight so that you flew directly to Miami rather than back to DC first, scheduled the wedding to conflict with that trip, sent you an invitation, and then when you told her you couldn't make, decided to tell you that she'd gone through all those machinations to make sure you couldn't be there, rather than just deciding not to invite you at all? Do you realize how insane that sounds? Even if she's not usually the joking type, it is far more likely that she was joking than that she actually planned her whole wedding around excluding you.

She didn't plan her wedding until the Supreme Court Decision at the end of June. A few weeks later we had dinner and I told her about my trip. A week later, the invitations came out.

I'm not saying she planned for me not to be able to come, but the date was not set six months to a year ago. And I'm willing to entertain thoughts that she was joking, but not based on the how long she's had it scheduled.

[Anonymous]

Let's see, she's getting married, stressed of dealing with the wedding, two families, all plans and is not the joking type. She picked the day that worked the best for as many family and close friends as possible and you send an insensitive comment as a joke. While she knows you are the joking type, your joke was ill-timed and inappropriate and she called you out essentially for being insensitive and obnoxious about it and now you're upset.

I'm a joking type, I'm self-deprecating and often try to lighten up a situation, but even I can see that your comment was rather inappropriate both in content and timing. The next step is for you to respond and say that you are sorry and that you shouldn't have made that joke. Then plan to be nice to her from her on including sending her a nice wedding gift.

[Anonymous]

Why would she bother to invite you at all then?

To be polite?

Huh? Her response wasn't very polite. I don't see why she'd be polite and invite you.

this is getting weird. I feel like you are responding with scenarios but aren't seeing that maybe you should just call her and ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think that, what, six months to a year ago when she set the date and started planning this wedding, your friend anticipated you would be on a business trip over those days and would be unable to change your flight so that you flew directly to Miami rather than back to DC first, scheduled the wedding to conflict with that trip, sent you an invitation, and then when you told her you couldn't make, decided to tell you that she'd gone through all those machinations to make sure you couldn't be there, rather than just deciding not to invite you at all? Do you realize how insane that sounds? Even if she's not usually the joking type, it is far more likely that she was joking than that she actually planned her whole wedding around excluding you.

She didn't plan her wedding until the Supreme Court Decision at the end of June. A few weeks later we had dinner and I told her about my trip. A week later, the invitations came out.

I'm not saying she planned for me not to be able to come, but the date was not set six months to a year ago. And I'm willing to entertain thoughts that she was joking, but not based on the how long she's had it scheduled.

Actually when you put it like that OP, it sounds like she did schedule it when you couldn't make it.

[Anonymous]

My first thought was that she was joking. But, with this new info: are you (or have you been in the past) anti-gay or at least anti-gay marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think that, what, six months to a year ago when she set the date and started planning this wedding, your friend anticipated you would be on a business trip over those days and would be unable to change your flight so that you flew directly to Miami rather than back to DC first, scheduled the wedding to conflict with that trip, sent you an invitation, and then when you told her you couldn't make, decided to tell you that she'd gone through all those machinations to make sure you couldn't be there, rather than just deciding not to invite you at all? Do you realize how insane that sounds? Even if she's not usually the joking type, it is far more likely that she was joking than that she actually planned her whole wedding around excluding you.

She didn't plan her wedding until the Supreme Court Decision at the end of June. A few weeks later we had dinner and I told her about my trip. A week later, the invitations came out.

I'm not saying she planned for me not to be able to come, but the date was not set six months to a year ago. And I'm willing to entertain thoughts that she was joking, but not based on the how long she's had it scheduled.

Even with all that, your theory is insane. Why would she go through the trouble of scheduling the wedding for a day you couldn't make it and then tell you that rather than just not inviting you? In what universe is that easier? The only reason for her to schedule it for a day you can't make it instead of not inviting you is because she doesn't want you to know you're not welcome, in which case she wouldn't tell you. Also, given what goes into securing a wedding location and vendors, and getting invitations printed, they probably set that date more than a week before the invitations went out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's see, she's getting married, stressed of dealing with the wedding, two families, all plans and is not the joking type. She picked the day that worked the best for as many family and close friends as possible and you send an insensitive comment as a joke. While she knows you are the joking type, your joke was ill-timed and inappropriate and she called you out essentially for being insensitive and obnoxious about it and now you're upset.

I'm a joking type, I'm self-deprecating and often try to lighten up a situation, but even I can see that your comment was rather inappropriate both in content and timing. The next step is for you to respond and say that you are sorry and that you shouldn't have made that joke. Then plan to be nice to her from her on including sending her a nice wedding gift.

What? No. Please have the self respect not to do this. There was nothing wrong with your joke if you (thought you) were the kind of good friends who go out to dinner together and talk about stuff. Your friend is not really your friend. Ball is in her court to apologize, or just drop her. What she did is really, R E A L L Y rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's see, she's getting married, stressed of dealing with the wedding, two families, all plans and is not the joking type. She picked the day that worked the best for as many family and close friends as possible and you send an insensitive comment as a joke. While she knows you are the joking type, your joke was ill-timed and inappropriate and she called you out essentially for being insensitive and obnoxious about it and now you're upset.

I'm a joking type, I'm self-deprecating and often try to lighten up a situation, but even I can see that your comment was rather inappropriate both in content and timing. The next step is for you to respond and say that you are sorry and that you shouldn't have made that joke. Then plan to be nice to her from her on including sending her a nice wedding gift.

What? No. Please have the self respect not to do this. There was nothing wrong with your joke if you (thought you) were the kind of good friends who go out to dinner together and talk about stuff. Your friend is not really your friend. Ball is in her court to apologize, or just drop her. What she did is really, R E A L L Y rude.

+1 She would NOT be my friend anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think that, what, six months to a year ago when she set the date and started planning this wedding, your friend anticipated you would be on a business trip over those days and would be unable to change your flight so that you flew directly to Miami rather than back to DC first, scheduled the wedding to conflict with that trip, sent you an invitation, and then when you told her you couldn't make, decided to tell you that she'd gone through all those machinations to make sure you couldn't be there, rather than just deciding not to invite you at all? Do you realize how insane that sounds? Even if she's not usually the joking type, it is far more likely that she was joking than that she actually planned her whole wedding around excluding you.

She didn't plan her wedding until the Supreme Court Decision at the end of June. A few weeks later we had dinner and I told her about my trip. A week later, the invitations came out.

I'm not saying she planned for me not to be able to come, but the date was not set six months to a year ago. And I'm willing to entertain thoughts that she was joking, but not based on the how long she's had it scheduled.

Although--how big is the wedding? It took me more than a week to book a venue, get an officiant, and address and mail out my invitations. I would assume all that stuff was already in the works.

Actually when you put it like that OP, it sounds like she did schedule it when you couldn't make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think that, what, six months to a year ago when she set the date and started planning this wedding, your friend anticipated you would be on a business trip over those days and would be unable to change your flight so that you flew directly to Miami rather than back to DC first, scheduled the wedding to conflict with that trip, sent you an invitation, and then when you told her you couldn't make, decided to tell you that she'd gone through all those machinations to make sure you couldn't be there, rather than just deciding not to invite you at all? Do you realize how insane that sounds? Even if she's not usually the joking type, it is far more likely that she was joking than that she actually planned her whole wedding around excluding you.

She didn't plan her wedding until the Supreme Court Decision at the end of June. A few weeks later we had dinner and I told her about my trip. A week later, the invitations came out.

I'm not saying she planned for me not to be able to come, but the date was not set six months to a year ago. And I'm willing to entertain thoughts that she was joking, but not based on the how long she's had it scheduled.

Actually when you put it like that OP, it sounds like she did schedule it when you couldn't make it.

Although--how big is the wedding? It took me more than a week to book a venue, get an officiant, and address and mail out my invitations. I would assume all that stuff was already in the works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think that, what, six months to a year ago when she set the date and started planning this wedding, your friend anticipated you would be on a business trip over those days and would be unable to change your flight so that you flew directly to Miami rather than back to DC first, scheduled the wedding to conflict with that trip, sent you an invitation, and then when you told her you couldn't make, decided to tell you that she'd gone through all those machinations to make sure you couldn't be there, rather than just deciding not to invite you at all? Do you realize how insane that sounds? Even if she's not usually the joking type, it is far more likely that she was joking than that she actually planned her whole wedding around excluding you.

She didn't plan her wedding until the Supreme Court Decision at the end of June. A few weeks later we had dinner and I told her about my trip. A week later, the invitations came out.

I'm not saying she planned for me not to be able to come, but the date was not set six months to a year ago. And I'm willing to entertain thoughts that she was joking, but not based on the how long she's had it scheduled.

Actually when you put it like that OP, it sounds like she did schedule it when you couldn't make it.

Although--how big is the wedding? It took me more than a week to book a venue, get an officiant, and address and mail out my invitations. I would assume all that stuff was already in the works.

I can't imagine it's very big because they were already married in California when that became legal (and I will admit, it's why I was more flippant about missing this than I probably should have been). Although I suppose it's possible they had a second wedding partially planned if it became legal everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:are you sure she was not joking????

She's not the joking type. Like, to a fault.

Then why would you send a "joke" in the email of you knew she is not the joking type? She probably took what you said to heart.

She's right - awkward.

Right, and did you really expect her to schedule her wedding around you???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so she has to plan her entire wedding around a day that works best for you!? You sent an immature email and you deserved the pissed if email she sent back. You weren't shunned. Perhaps her families schedule and her schedule were more important. This is not about you. Self absorbed much?

+1. Get over yourself OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so she has to plan her entire wedding around a day that works best for you!? You sent an immature email and you deserved the pissed if email she sent back. You weren't shunned. Perhaps her families schedule and her schedule were more important. This is not about you. Self absorbed much?

+1. Get over yourself OP.

No one deserves a pissed off email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:are you sure she was not joking????

She's not the joking type. Like, to a fault.

Then why would you send a "joke" in the email of you knew she is not the joking type? She probably took what you said to heart.

She's right - awkward.

Right, and did you really expect her to schedule her wedding around you???

Did you read the OP?