How do you do it with small kids and a high stress job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Clearly, realizing that "early retirement" isn't any different than any other type of no longer working for pay has sent you into a dizzy of bitterness, which clearly was right below the surface to begin with. I'm the prior poster, a former SAH that made/makes in the six figures before and after my five years at home with my kids. Your insults don't bother me, I'm happy with my own decisions, just pointing out some obvious hypocrisy.

OP, don't be afraid to dial down for a few years if that is what works for you and your family. It is no where near as difficult to ramp back up later as some posters here will have you believe if you do good work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Clearly, realizing that "early retirement" isn't any different than any other type of no longer working for pay has sent you into a dizzy of bitterness, which clearly was right below the surface to begin with. I'm the prior poster, a former SAH that made/makes in the six figures before and after my five years at home with my kids. Your insults don't bother me, I'm happy with my own decisions, just pointing out some obvious hypocrisy.

OP, don't be afraid to dial down for a few years if that is what works for you and your family. It is no where near as difficult to ramp back up later as some posters here will have you believe if you do good work.

+1 OP is at a crossroads that many a professional parent has visited. There are several ways to turn. One path OP is implicitly considering is making it work for him/her by focusing more energy on the home front for a while. Hearing from people who got to that crossroad and chose the path home, and learning how it worked out for them, is important information to consider when weighing one's own options. It is just as important as hearing the schedules and outsourcing choices of those who are making it work another way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Generally, I agree with you. I'm fine with the ones asking for help to re-enter the workforce, but not the ones who coming seeking job advice for their WOHD and have the gall to use the word "we" while asking for advice for their meal ticket.

That said, the SAHMs of DCUM have lots to time to post and some huge chips to honor so they'll continue to post and continue to annoy the rest of rest of us.

I don't get to police the Internet but I get to judge and I judge the SAHMs and think they have no place here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Clearly, realizing that "early retirement" isn't any different than any other type of no longer working for pay has sent you into a dizzy of bitterness, which clearly was right below the surface to begin with. I'm the prior poster, a former SAH that made/makes in the six figures before and after my five years at home with my kids. Your insults don't bother me, I'm happy with my own decisions, just pointing out some obvious hypocrisy.

OP, don't be afraid to dial down for a few years if that is what works for you and your family. It is no where near as difficult to ramp back up later as some posters here will have you believe if you do good work.

+1 OP is at a crossroads that many a professional parent has visited. There are several ways to turn. One path OP is implicitly considering is making it work for him/her by focusing more energy on the home front for a while. Hearing from people who got to that crossroad and chose the path home, and learning how it worked out for them, is important information to consider when weighing one's own options. It is just as important as hearing the schedules and outsourcing choices of those who are making it work another way.

Uh, OP is asking for specific advice on how to balance work and life. If you don't have experience with that because you bailed on the "work" part, go away. Do you tell people looking for marriage counselors how great your divorce was? Do you tell people asking for advice on how to be a better parent to their SN child how the right choice for your family was to abort?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Clearly, realizing that "early retirement" isn't any different than any other type of no longer working for pay has sent you into a dizzy of bitterness, which clearly was right below the surface to begin with. I'm the prior poster, a former SAH that made/makes in the six figures before and after my five years at home with my kids. Your insults don't bother me, I'm happy with my own decisions, just pointing out some obvious hypocrisy.

OP, don't be afraid to dial down for a few years if that is what works for you and your family. It is no where near as difficult to ramp back up later as some posters here will have you believe if you do good work.

What terrible advice. Six figure jobs are not all made equal, and yes there are some fields where if you leave it is really hard to get back in. Also I made six figures in my first job, so I don't think of it as anything particularly impressive. I hate how people on this site see it as some sort of badge of honor.

OP, if you like your job, don't dial down. Money isn't everything - just because you can afford to leave your career doesn't mean you have to. You have to think about what will make you more fulfilled. Outsourcing will not destroy your family. The ultimate judge of your success as a parent is what your kids tell their friends after they've grown up. If you're constantly out of balance for years, your kids will remember, but few adults are as bitter about a few years of chaos as the SAHMs would indicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Clearly, realizing that "early retirement" isn't any different than any other type of no longer working for pay has sent you into a dizzy of bitterness, which clearly was right below the surface to begin with. I'm the prior poster, a former SAH that made/makes in the six figures before and after my five years at home with my kids. Your insults don't bother me, I'm happy with my own decisions, just pointing out some obvious hypocrisy.

OP, don't be afraid to dial down for a few years if that is what works for you and your family. It is no where near as difficult to ramp back up later as some posters here will have you believe if you do good work.

What terrible advice. Six figure jobs are not all made equal, and yes there are some fields where if you leave it is really hard to get back in. Also I made six figures in my first job, so I don't think of it as anything particularly impressive. I hate how people on this site see it as some sort of badge of honor.

OP, if you like your job, don't dial down. Money isn't everything - just because you can afford to leave your career doesn't mean you have to. You have to think about what will make you more fulfilled. Outsourcing will not destroy your family. The ultimate judge of your success as a parent is what your kids tell their friends after they've grown up. If you're constantly out of balance for years, your kids will remember, but few adults are as bitter about a few years of chaos as the SAHMs would indicate.

This. Good luck getting back into academia/research after you've left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Clearly, realizing that "early retirement" isn't any different than any other type of no longer working for pay has sent you into a dizzy of bitterness, which clearly was right below the surface to begin with. I'm the prior poster, a former SAH that made/makes in the six figures before and after my five years at home with my kids. Your insults don't bother me, I'm happy with my own decisions, just pointing out some obvious hypocrisy.

OP, don't be afraid to dial down for a few years if that is what works for you and your family. It is no where near as difficult to ramp back up later as some posters here will have you believe if you do good work.

I'm a WOHM who agrees with this. It doesn't have to mean SAH -- it might just mean reducing your hours or changing to a less stressful job or letting go of some of your current job responsibilities. Whether this is possible in your current position is something only you can know. Maybe it requires a job change or a reduction to PT work to make this job less stressful, but maybe there are some small things you can do to "dial it down" without leaving your position. You might be able to let go of some of your leadership roles and let someone else take over for a while. Maybe you retain the ones that are really important to you but stop grasping at some of the things that aren't as important and train someone under you to take the leadership role for that aspect. Maybe you acknowledge to yourself (and to others if necessary) that it's okay to let go of a pet project and postpone if for a few years until you have the energy to focus on it.

Whether you like it or not, you live a life that involves both working and parenting. You can't do either of these things 24/7 at 100%, and trying to do so will make you miserable. You can do your job 100% when you're there and your home life 100% when you're there. Trying to separate them as much as possible will help, but there will always be times when you need to take a late phone call or finish up a work project at night, or you will have to deal with a sick kid during a workday or order a present for your kid's teacher. Try not to multitask too much, though -- it will make you go crazy.

Also let go of any illusion of perfection. Let the house go. It doesn't need to be spotless. Do the laundry less. If you can afford it, hire out jobs like laundry or dusting or lawn work. Something similar goes for work: you don't need to have a spotless desk or be on top of every email in your inbox.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Clearly, realizing that "early retirement" isn't any different than any other type of no longer working for pay has sent you into a dizzy of bitterness, which clearly was right below the surface to begin with. I'm the prior poster, a former SAH that made/makes in the six figures before and after my five years at home with my kids. Your insults don't bother me, I'm happy with my own decisions, just pointing out some obvious hypocrisy.

OP, don't be afraid to dial down for a few years if that is what works for you and your family. It is no where near as difficult to ramp back up later as some posters here will have you believe if you do good work.

+1 OP is at a crossroads that many a professional parent has visited. There are several ways to turn. One path OP is implicitly considering is making it work for him/her by focusing more energy on the home front for a while. Hearing from people who got to that crossroad and chose the path home, and learning how it worked out for them, is important information to consider when weighing one's own options. It is just as important as hearing the schedules and outsourcing choices of those who are making it work another way.

Uh, OP is asking for specific advice on how to balance work and life. If you don't have experience with that because you bailed on the "work" part, go away. Do you tell people looking for marriage counselors how great your divorce was? Do you tell people asking for advice on how to be a better parent to their SN child how the right choice for your family was to abort?

NP, . No need to be nasty, doesn't present well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Clearly, realizing that "early retirement" isn't any different than any other type of no longer working for pay has sent you into a dizzy of bitterness, which clearly was right below the surface to begin with. I'm the prior poster, a former SAH that made/makes in the six figures before and after my five years at home with my kids. Your insults don't bother me, I'm happy with my own decisions, just pointing out some obvious hypocrisy.

OP, don't be afraid to dial down for a few years if that is what works for you and your family. It is no where near as difficult to ramp back up later as some posters here will have you believe if you do good work.

What terrible advice. Six figure jobs are not all made equal, and yes there are some fields where if you leave it is really hard to get back in. Also I made six figures in my first job, so I don't think of it as anything particularly impressive. I hate how people on this site see it as some sort of badge of honor.

OP, if you like your job, don't dial down. Money isn't everything - just because you can afford to leave your career doesn't mean you have to. You have to think about what will make you more fulfilled. Outsourcing will not destroy your family. The ultimate judge of your success as a parent is what your kids tell their friends after they've grown up. If you're constantly out of balance for years, your kids will remember, but few adults are as bitter about a few years of chaos as the SAHMs would indicate.

I'm pp. "dial down" doesn't mean leave your career, OP didn't indicate that's something she was interested in. There is almost always a less stressful job available. Posters on this board can be so myopic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Clearly, realizing that "early retirement" isn't any different than any other type of no longer working for pay has sent you into a dizzy of bitterness, which clearly was right below the surface to begin with. I'm the prior poster, a former SAH that made/makes in the six figures before and after my five years at home with my kids. Your insults don't bother me, I'm happy with my own decisions, just pointing out some obvious hypocrisy.

OP, don't be afraid to dial down for a few years if that is what works for you and your family. It is no where near as difficult to ramp back up later as some posters here will have you believe if you do good work.

What terrible advice. Six figure jobs are not all made equal, and yes there are some fields where if you leave it is really hard to get back in. Also I made six figures in my first job, so I don't think of it as anything particularly impressive. I hate how people on this site see it as some sort of badge of honor.

OP, if you like your job, don't dial down. Money isn't everything - just because you can afford to leave your career doesn't mean you have to. You have to think about what will make you more fulfilled. Outsourcing will not destroy your family. The ultimate judge of your success as a parent is what your kids tell their friends after they've grown up. If you're constantly out of balance for years, your kids will remember, but few adults are as bitter about a few years of chaos as the SAHMs would indicate.

Disagree strongly with this. Kids may learn to rationalize having an absent parent. If your kids are acting out or unhappy because of lack of time with a parent, you need to make changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Clearly, realizing that "early retirement" isn't any different than any other type of no longer working for pay has sent you into a dizzy of bitterness, which clearly was right below the surface to begin with. I'm the prior poster, a former SAH that made/makes in the six figures before and after my five years at home with my kids. Your insults don't bother me, I'm happy with my own decisions, just pointing out some obvious hypocrisy.

OP, don't be afraid to dial down for a few years if that is what works for you and your family. It is no where near as difficult to ramp back up later as some posters here will have you believe if you do good work.

+1 OP is at a crossroads that many a professional parent has visited. There are several ways to turn. One path OP is implicitly considering is making it work for him/her by focusing more energy on the home front for a while. Hearing from people who got to that crossroad and chose the path home, and learning how it worked out for them, is important information to consider when weighing one's own options. It is just as important as hearing the schedules and outsourcing choices of those who are making it work another way.

Uh, OP is asking for specific advice on how to balance work and life. If you don't have experience with that because you bailed on the "work" part, go away. Do you tell people looking for marriage counselors how great your divorce was? Do you tell people asking for advice on how to be a better parent to their SN child how the right choice for your family was to abort?

Why would anyone take advice from someone so thoroughly unpleasant?

[Anonymous]

This thread was actually full of useful advice before the sock puppet who keeps posting multiple posts in succession showed up.

Am I missing something? Did OP say her child was acting out? I'm assuming OP is not stupid and understands he/she can switch jobs or quit.

OP, I assume you are posting because you can't dial down, because otherwise the next steps are pretty obvious. I suggest taking a staycation to reevaluate your priorities. I find it helpful to have 2-3 goals for each day and then to let everything else go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Clearly, realizing that "early retirement" isn't any different than any other type of no longer working for pay has sent you into a dizzy of bitterness, which clearly was right below the surface to begin with. I'm the prior poster, a former SAH that made/makes in the six figures before and after my five years at home with my kids. Your insults don't bother me, I'm happy with my own decisions, just pointing out some obvious hypocrisy.

OP, don't be afraid to dial down for a few years if that is what works for you and your family. It is no where near as difficult to ramp back up later as some posters here will have you believe if you do good work.

+1
Another former SAHM in a similar situation. I took seven years off and am now back, working in a similar field. While I didn't come back exactly where I left off, salary-wise (and didn't expect to, either), I'm not far off. In a couple of years, I'll probably have worked my way back to that point.

The WOHM PP is one of the most bitter and ugly personalities to ever rear her head on DCUM - and that's saying a lot. Wouldn't you just hate to work with someone like that (much less live with them).

OP, I agree that taking time off/going PT is a great idea if that's what works for you. It worked beautifully for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.

Generally, I agree with you. I'm fine with the ones asking for help to re-enter the workforce, but not the ones who coming seeking job advice for their WOHD and have the gall to use the word "we" while asking for advice for their meal ticket.

That said, the SAHMs of DCUM have lots to time to post and some huge chips to honor so they'll continue to post and continue to annoy the rest of rest of us.

I don't get to police the Internet but I get to judge and I judge the SAHMs and think they have no place here.

You do know how ridiculous you look, right? Should we talk about all the time the WOHMs spend on DCUM on a daily basis?

Regardless, the only chips apparent here are those on the shoulders of you and your fellow SAHM-hating harpies. News flash: many current WOHMs were at one time SAHMs and have a lot of interesting and valuable advice to offer those contemplating a better work/life balance. Move along, bittercakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 young kids and am in upper management.

I compartmentalize. When I go to work (at 7am)- I am fully engaged. I work at the office. I don't communicate with home during the day. I've tried to work at home a few times and failed miserably. I've become uber efficient. I've cut out most small talk and hypothesizing that can consume hours in a day. I am super productive at work.
And I leave by 6- no ifs ands or buts.

I use my train ride home to decompress and switch my frame of mind. I try to get all the negativity and overhanging issues out of my head.

When I get home- I am completely in family mode. I do dinner, baths, homework, bedtime, and am completely "present" with my kids. Then I try to make some time for my husband (our relationship often gets the short stick). Then only if necessary, I logon and work for another hour before bed- but always try to get to bed by 10:30.

My weekends are completely for family. I don't let work invade it. I may logon Sunday night to get a jumpstart on the week.

After you figure out how to compartmentalize and be as efficient as you can, then decide if your job is still a problem and switch jobs. I just find so many people complain how busy, stressed they are when they only have 1 child. I know it's just because they are inefficient. For instance, I get my groceries, Target, and another errand done from 8:30-10pm one night/week. I know several moms who can stretch this out to an 8 hour outing.

Kudos to you, but I could never spend such little time with my kids.

Oh shut your sanctimonious hole. It takes select qualities and leadership skills to move up to high-level executive roles, even more challenging with balancing the needs of four children. Not many people - men or women - have the skills to cut it, likely including you. Stop using your inadequacy as being the sanctimonious poster child that you are being here. Signed, another executive-level mom of three young children who has no anxiety balancing it all.

This entire post doesn't strike you as utterly sanctimonious in itself? Hilarious!