How do you do it with small kids and a high stress job?

[Anonymous]

What's your commute like? Here's an area where an improvement can make a big difference in your stress level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many of you would be writing these things if you thought the poster was male?

I just told my DH to quit his stressful job. He did. I told him life is too short. His health and well-being are more important to us as a family than having a lot of money. He was so grateful to have supportive wife I did the same thing, btw, years ago. Just not worth it. Life is too damn short. You will regret not spending time with your little kids. They grow up so damn fast. It's a cliche, but it's true. If they were older, it would be different. Most of us, when stressed, take it out at home. Our tempers are shorter; we have less patience. And let's face it... little kids require a lot of patience.

[Anonymous]

I rely on other parents to do for my kids. I never reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

There are no secrets. Change jobs.

[Anonymous]

I agree that OP should start looking for another job, but that can take an indefinite amount of time. In the meantime she needs suggestions on how to deal NOW.

I only have one child (15 months) and I feel the same way as you. It is so hard trying to balancing work and life. Like you, I often had that feeling like I was drowning and was going to go under at any moment. It created such feelings of dread, fear and hopelessness. I eventually went to see a therapist who helped me realize I was struggling with post partum depression. I was depressed, but anxiety was an even bigger problem. My therapist referred me to a shrink who agreed, and put me on a low dose of Zoloft. It has helped me SO MUCH. Now that my anxiety is under control, I am still stressed and get overwhelmed sometimes, but I feel so much more in control. I think I am better at everything - I'm a better mom, wife, lawyer and friend now that my anxiety is under control.


If you really feel like you are drowning and are going to go under, that sounds a lot like anxiety. I recommend you see someone to talk about it. Meds could really help you like they helped me.

[Anonymous]

Also your dream about having a heart attack and dying sounds like major anxiety and maybe even a low grade panic attack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many of you would be writing these things if you thought the poster was male?

I thought the poster was male.

But sadly, when I saw high stress job, I instantly thought of a male. So that was pretty stereotypical on my part.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 young kids and am in upper management.

I compartmentalize. When I go to work (at 7am)- I am fully engaged. I work at the office. I don't communicate with home during the day. I've tried to work at home a few times and failed miserably. I've become uber efficient. I've cut out most small talk and hypothesizing that can consume hours in a day. I am super productive at work.
And I leave by 6- no ifs ands or buts.

I use my train ride home to decompress and switch my frame of mind. I try to get all the negativity and overhanging issues out of my head.

When I get home- I am completely in family mode. I do dinner, baths, homework, bedtime, and am completely "present" with my kids. Then I try to make some time for my husband (our relationship often gets the short stick). Then only if necessary, I logon and work for another hour before bed- but always try to get to bed by 10:30.

My weekends are completely for family. I don't let work invade it. I may logon Sunday night to get a jumpstart on the week.

After you figure out how to compartmentalize and be as efficient as you can, then decide if your job is still a problem and switch jobs. I just find so many people complain how busy, stressed they are when they only have 1 child. I know it's just because they are inefficient. For instance, I get my groceries, Target, and another errand done from 8:30-10pm one night/week. I know several moms who can stretch this out to an 8 hour outing.

[Anonymous]

I immediately thought the poster was female. I am surprised a few people assumed male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Share your secrets, please, because I am drowning. I delegate and outsource as much as possible, but I am literally DROWNING. My life has gotten so out of control that I can't remember basic things and I never see my children. A few nights ago I had a dream that I was having a heart attack and dying. I can't take the stress anymore of being pulled in a million different directions.

You should see a doctor for anxiety. Maybe some medication for a bit will put you into a space where you can feel like you can take control.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you get adequate sleep, exercise, and routine bloodwork. Vitamin d defiency can cause a lot of stress related symptoms.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think a huge part of that may be guilt. I am often out of the house for 12 hours at a time because of work, and don't feel guilty at all. So there's no anxiety. DH partially works from home, we have a great nanny, a few backup sitters, and things are fine. Work on the guilt and the anxiety will decrease.

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp s about limiting multi tasking and not combining the work and the home. That really helps me. Otherwise I'll be in a board meeting and trying to remember if I filled out the school permission form or whatever.

Also streamline your life. Quit what is not productive. Television. Internet junk. Facebook if necessary. DCUM (I really need to do this! That's my current time suck.)

And delegate at work and at home as much as possible. If you have staff be their ally and help them be competent so that you know that if you need to be home with a sick kid, they can cover for you. And have back up care options so that that doesn't happen a lot.

I'm unfortunately in a high profile high stress job that doesn't pay a lot so I haven't been able to outside too much at home. And to be honest, the house is sometimes or really oftentimes a mess. Sometimes something's gotta give.

[Anonymous]

I feel like you do. I think the job has got to go. I just can't anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 young kids and am in upper management.

I compartmentalize. When I go to work (at 7am)- I am fully engaged. I work at the office. I don't communicate with home during the day. I've tried to work at home a few times and failed miserably. I've become uber efficient. I've cut out most small talk and hypothesizing that can consume hours in a day. I am super productive at work.
And I leave by 6- no ifs ands or buts.

I use my train ride home to decompress and switch my frame of mind. I try to get all the negativity and overhanging issues out of my head.

When I get home- I am completely in family mode. I do dinner, baths, homework, bedtime, and am completely "present" with my kids. Then I try to make some time for my husband (our relationship often gets the short stick). Then only if necessary, I logon and work for another hour before bed- but always try to get to bed by 10:30.

My weekends are completely for family. I don't let work invade it. I may logon Sunday night to get a jumpstart on the week.

After you figure out how to compartmentalize and be as efficient as you can, then decide if your job is still a problem and switch jobs. I just find so many people complain how busy, stressed they are when they only have 1 child. I know it's just because they are inefficient. For instance, I get my groceries, Target, and another errand done from 8:30-10pm one night/week. I know several moms who can stretch this out to an 8 hour outing.

Kudos to you, but I could never spend such little time with my kids.