How do you do it with small kids and a high stress job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too many stay at home moms on this thread. We only give your toddler a bath every few days. She smells fine.

What stay at home moms are you referring to? The posts I've been reading have been from working parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 young kids and am in upper management.

I compartmentalize. When I go to work (at 7am)- I am fully engaged. I work at the office. I don't communicate with home during the day. I've tried to work at home a few times and failed miserably. I've become uber efficient. I've cut out most small talk and hypothesizing that can consume hours in a day. I am super productive at work.
And I leave by 6- no ifs ands or buts.

I use my train ride home to decompress and switch my frame of mind. I try to get all the negativity and overhanging issues out of my head.

When I get home- I am completely in family mode. I do dinner, baths, homework, bedtime, and am completely "present" with my kids. Then I try to make some time for my husband (our relationship often gets the short stick). Then only if necessary, I logon and work for another hour before bed- but always try to get to bed by 10:30.

My weekends are completely for family. I don't let work invade it. I may logon Sunday night to get a jumpstart on the week.

After you figure out how to compartmentalize and be as efficient as you can, then decide if your job is still a problem and switch jobs. I just find so many people complain how busy, stressed they are when they only have 1 child. I know it's just because they are inefficient. For instance, I get my groceries, Target, and another errand done from 8:30-10pm one night/week. I know several moms who can stretch this out to an 8 hour outing.

Kudos to you, but I could never spend such little time with my kids.

Such little time with his/her kids??? From dinner until bed time and all weekend? That's pretty normal, sanctimommy.

It sounds exhausting... I don't see 10 minutes of "me time" for exercise, salon, friends, etc.

I call bullshit to many of the high-level executives on this forum pulling in huge salaries that have such important jobs, and they are so uber-efficient and present at work that are sitting here ripping each other's lives apart on an anonymous forum. I think most of you think you're way more important than you are, and you hide in your offices and fart around online just like everyone else, while your nannies raise your kids.

I'm not one of the high-level posters, but I think it's so sad that you can't believe something is possible just because you can't see yourself doing it. If it makes you feel better about yourself, I suppose...

I kind of get PPs point though, being able to eff around on DCUM by definition means you aren't busy doing important work, no? I know I am bored mindless in a position that has to stay open for budget reasons despite having almost no work to do anymore and that's why I have time to fart around on here. If you are 100% nose to the grind as you claim or doing something of such high critical importance you aren't logged on to DCUM, that doesn't makes sense.

FWIW, even though an hour a night is the norm, its really not all the much time with your kids during the week, its just our reality and its better if we just own it.

Completely agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with 4 kids. I was trying to help OP with tips of how to balance work, kids and stress. It is possible to do it, but as others posted it leaves little time for me or spouse- for now. I get to retire very early. Its all about tradeoffs.

Not commenting on pp specifically, but I find it interesting how many women who have contempt for SAHMs think there is something radically different about "retiring early." Only difference seems to be that your kids will be out of the house when it happens.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't make it work, I was in biglaw and it sucked so I quit. My DD was exhibiting such major anxiety her hair was falling out and she was biting her nails until they bled and she was only 2. I took her to 5 different doctors, all said it was stress (talk about making me feel guilty). My DH and I were never home much except for nighttimes, and weekends were so stressful. So for our situation (and this is just for my family, in no way do I advocate this for anyone else), I quit my job. My DH made more money and had more seniority at his job. Some days I am bummed that I am no longer working, I did like my job and thought I did a good job doing it. But I do not regret my decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 young kids and am in upper management.

I compartmentalize. When I go to work (at 7am)- I am fully engaged. I work at the office. I don't communicate with home during the day. I've tried to work at home a few times and failed miserably. I've become uber efficient. I've cut out most small talk and hypothesizing that can consume hours in a day. I am super productive at work.
And I leave by 6- no ifs ands or buts.

I use my train ride home to decompress and switch my frame of mind. I try to get all the negativity and overhanging issues out of my head.

When I get home- I am completely in family mode. I do dinner, baths, homework, bedtime, and am completely "present" with my kids. Then I try to make some time for my husband (our relationship often gets the short stick). Then only if necessary, I logon and work for another hour before bed- but always try to get to bed by 10:30.

My weekends are completely for family. I don't let work invade it. I may logon Sunday night to get a jumpstart on the week.

After you figure out how to compartmentalize and be as efficient as you can, then decide if your job is still a problem and switch jobs. I just find so many people complain how busy, stressed they are when they only have 1 child. I know it's just because they are inefficient. For instance, I get my groceries, Target, and another errand done from 8:30-10pm one night/week. I know several moms who can stretch this out to an 8 hour outing.

Kudos to you, but I could never spend such little time with my kids.

Such little time with his/her kids??? From dinner until bed time and all weekend? That's pretty normal, sanctimommy.

It sounds exhausting... I don't see 10 minutes of "me time" for exercise, salon, friends, etc.

I call bullshit to many of the high-level executives on this forum pulling in huge salaries that have such important jobs, and they are so uber-efficient and present at work that are sitting here ripping each other's lives apart on an anonymous forum. I think most of you think you're way more important than you are, and you hide in your offices and fart around online just like everyone else, while your nannies raise your kids.

I'm not one of the high-level posters, but I think it's so sad that you can't believe something is possible just because you can't see yourself doing it. If it makes you feel better about yourself, I suppose...

I kind of get PPs point though, being able to eff around on DCUM by definition means you aren't busy doing important work, no? I know I am bored mindless in a position that has to stay open for budget reasons despite having almost no work to do anymore and that's why I have time to fart around on here. If you are 100% nose to the grind as you claim or doing something of such high critical importance you aren't logged on to DCUM, that doesn't makes sense.

FWIW, even though an hour a night is the norm, its really not all the much time with your kids during the week, its just our reality and its better if we just own it.

Completely agree.

I would have agreed with you in my early 20s. But as I've gotten older, I realize that everyone bumbles around and wastes time, but some people are truly 10x more efficient when they are actually focused and doing work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with 4 kids. I was trying to help OP with tips of how to balance work, kids and stress. It is possible to do it, but as others posted it leaves little time for me or spouse- for now. I get to retire very early. Its all about tradeoffs.

Not commenting on pp specifically, but I find it interesting how many women who have contempt for SAHMs think there is something radically different about "retiring early." Only difference seems to be that your kids will be out of the house when it happens.

Well, not working because someone else is working to pay your bills and not working because YOU'VE saved up the money to pay the bills are pretty different...

[Anonymous]

I second meditation. It has made a big difference in my well being daily. OP, I know this won't solve your problems but it has the effect of an anti anxiety pill for me. If you have no idea how to get started, read the quick and fun read "10% happier" by Dan Harris. I now meditate 2x per day for 5 minutes and it really does help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with 4 kids. I was trying to help OP with tips of how to balance work, kids and stress. It is possible to do it, but as others posted it leaves little time for me or spouse- for now. I get to retire very early. Its all about tradeoffs.

NP, and not to sound morbid, but all we have is the present. As people age, illnesses become more common, people die way before they thought they would. I know too many people who looked forward to early retirement, scaling back, etc., and then they sacrificed so much by way of self-care along the way that they couldn't take advantage of what they hoped to.

It is all about tradeoffs, though, that's true. Our family's priorities are our relationships and our health. That high stress just isn't worth it.

Couldn't agree more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with 4 kids. I was trying to help OP with tips of how to balance work, kids and stress. It is possible to do it, but as others posted it leaves little time for me or spouse- for now. I get to retire very early. Its all about tradeoffs.

Not commenting on pp specifically, but I find it interesting how many women who have contempt for SAHMs think there is something radically different about "retiring early." Only difference seems to be that your kids will be out of the house when it happens.

Well, not working because someone else is working to pay your bills and not working because YOU'VE saved up the money to pay the bills are pretty different...

Really, this is the sole difference in your view? Because many moms who SAH while their kids are young can afford to do so because they had lucrative careers and put in their time before kids building a nest egg Also, most do go back to work, and may even wind up working more years than those choosing "very early retirement. Anyway, didn't mean to derail this thread. Everyone has different priorities and differing financial situations. Just strikes me as odd when someone who attacks others for taking time off then opts to leave the work force early themselves (and not saying that pp was doing that, but I have heard others do so).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with 4 kids. I was trying to help OP with tips of how to balance work, kids and stress. It is possible to do it, but as others posted it leaves little time for me or spouse- for now. I get to retire very early. Its all about tradeoffs.

Not commenting on pp specifically, but I find it interesting how many women who have contempt for SAHMs think there is something radically different about "retiring early." Only difference seems to be that your kids will be out of the house when it happens.

Well, not working because someone else is working to pay your bills and not working because YOU'VE saved up the money to pay the bills are pretty different...

Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with 4 kids. I was trying to help OP with tips of how to balance work, kids and stress. It is possible to do it, but as others posted it leaves little time for me or spouse- for now. I get to retire very early. Its all about tradeoffs.

Not commenting on pp specifically, but I find it interesting how many women who have contempt for SAHMs think there is something radically different about "retiring early." Only difference seems to be that your kids will be out of the house when it happens.

Well, not working because someone else is working to pay your bills and not working because YOU'VE saved up the money to pay the bills are pretty different...

Really, this is the sole difference in your view? Because many moms who SAH while their kids are young can afford to do so because they had lucrative careers and put in their time before kids building a nest egg Also, most do go back to work, and may even wind up working more years than those choosing "very early retirement. Anyway, didn't mean to derail this thread. Everyone has different priorities and differing financial situations. Just strikes me as odd when someone who attacks others for taking time off then opts to leave the work force early themselves (and not saying that pp was doing that, but I have heard others do so).

Exactly - well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with 4 kids. I was trying to help OP with tips of how to balance work, kids and stress. It is possible to do it, but as others posted it leaves little time for me or spouse- for now. I get to retire very early. Its all about tradeoffs.

Not commenting on pp specifically, but I find it interesting how many women who have contempt for SAHMs think there is something radically different about "retiring early." Only difference seems to be that your kids will be out of the house when it happens.

Well, not working because someone else is working to pay your bills and not working because YOU'VE saved up the money to pay the bills are pretty different...

Really, this is the sole difference in your view? Because many moms who SAH while their kids are young can afford to do so because they had lucrative careers and put in their time before kids building a nest egg Also, most do go back to work, and may even wind up working more years than those choosing "very early retirement. Anyway, didn't mean to derail this thread. Everyone has different priorities and differing financial situations. Just strikes me as odd when someone who attacks others for taking time off then opts to leave the work force early themselves (and not saying that pp was doing that, but I have heard others do so).

Well yes, this is a big difference. Of course some SAHMs built their own nest egg, but let's be real - it's not even a majority. While 100% of people who retire early built their own nest egg. There is a big difference in what happens to the power dynamic of your relationship between being a SAHM and being a retiree.

Plus on this site there is an endless stream of SAHMs who whine about not being able to re-enter the work force. Or not having money of their own to divorce. My opinion of SAHMs has dropped since entering the DCUM world. I know they're a minority, but all these complainers seeme extremely naive and entitled, and most of their problems seem to stem from their own lack of planning and foresight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with 4 kids. I was trying to help OP with tips of how to balance work, kids and stress. It is possible to do it, but as others posted it leaves little time for me or spouse- for now. I get to retire very early. Its all about tradeoffs.

Not commenting on pp specifically, but I find it interesting how many women who have contempt for SAHMs think there is something radically different about "retiring early." Only difference seems to be that your kids will be out of the house when it happens.

Well, not working because someone else is working to pay your bills and not working because YOU'VE saved up the money to pay the bills are pretty different...

Really, this is the sole difference in your view? Because many moms who SAH while their kids are young can afford to do so because they had lucrative careers and put in their time before kids building a nest egg Also, most do go back to work, and may even wind up working more years than those choosing "very early retirement. Anyway, didn't mean to derail this thread. Everyone has different priorities and differing financial situations. Just strikes me as odd when someone who attacks others for taking time off then opts to leave the work force early themselves (and not saying that pp was doing that, but I have heard others do so).

Well yes, this is a big difference. Of course some SAHMs built their own nest egg, but let's be real - it's not even a majority. While 100% of people who retire early built their own nest egg. There is a big difference in what happens to the power dynamic of your relationship between being a SAHM and being a retiree.

Plus on this site there is an endless stream of SAHMs who whine about not being able to re-enter the work force. Or not having money of their own to divorce. My opinion of SAHMs has dropped since entering the DCUM world. I know they're a minority, but all these complainers seeme extremely naive and entitled, and most of their problems seem to stem from their own lack of planning and foresight.

Most be great to be so perfect, I'm sure you have no problems and if you do, they are never your fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with 4 kids. I was trying to help OP with tips of how to balance work, kids and stress. It is possible to do it, but as others posted it leaves little time for me or spouse- for now. I get to retire very early. Its all about tradeoffs.

Not commenting on pp specifically, but I find it interesting how many women who have contempt for SAHMs think there is something radically different about "retiring early." Only difference seems to be that your kids will be out of the house when it happens.

Well, not working because someone else is working to pay your bills and not working because YOU'VE saved up the money to pay the bills are pretty different...

Really, this is the sole difference in your view? Because many moms who SAH while their kids are young can afford to do so because they had lucrative careers and put in their time before kids building a nest egg Also, most do go back to work, and may even wind up working more years than those choosing "very early retirement. Anyway, didn't mean to derail this thread. Everyone has different priorities and differing financial situations. Just strikes me as odd when someone who attacks others for taking time off then opts to leave the work force early themselves (and not saying that pp was doing that, but I have heard others do so).

Well yes, this is a big difference. Of course some SAHMs built their own nest egg, but let's be real - it's not even a majority. While 100% of people who retire early built their own nest egg. There is a big difference in what happens to the power dynamic of your relationship between being a SAHM and being a retiree.

Plus on this site there is an endless stream of SAHMs who whine about not being able to re-enter the work force. Or not having money of their own to divorce. My opinion of SAHMs has dropped since entering the DCUM world. I know they're a minority, but all these complainers seeme extremely naive and entitled, and most of their problems seem to stem from their own lack of planning and foresight.

LOL -- there are many "early retirees" who retire because of a windfall, like inheritance, or because of a spouse's lifetime earnings, there is nothing implicitly self made about it. Any SAHM who doesn't plan on returning to work can claim "early retirement. You may see a difference in your mind, but the outside world generally won't.

[Anonymous]

Go away, SAHMs, this is a thread for working moms to give advice. All of you reek of insecurity, and the PP trying to make SAH the same as early retirement is hilarious.

Retirement means no longer working. Oh wait, so that means you agree that SAH is not work? Tell me again about how today's SAHMs are so smart and educated.