It just sucks - not even offered internship - (sigh)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but I don't feel bad. This is a conscious choice you made, to give up your career and be supported by your husband, and you are now perceived as always putting career on the back burner. PTSA and HOA simply don't translate to the real world.

Is this advice you would say to your daughter?

Actually, yes it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but I don't feel bad. This is a conscious choice you made, to give up your career and be supported by your husband, and you are now perceived as always putting career on the back burner. PTSA and HOA simply don't translate to the real world.

Is this advice you would say to your daughter?

Actually, yes it is.

Me too. I would also tell her -- I wish it wasn't this way, but it is; if you're going to get off the work treadmill to stay home, make sure you realize that you may NEVER go back to professional work. I would tell her the stories of the women I know who stayed home, then needed money bc DH got laid off or left and they ended up back in retail or waitressing. I wouldn't say -- don't stay home -- but I'd say do it at a time when you are absolutely certain that you don't NEED to go back ever -- i.e. kids' college funds are set, your retirement is set, and you have some huge protections in case of divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who just finished working with a group of kids right out of college let me say that it will be a while before many of them are ready to take on any type of leadership role. Many (not all) are entitled, think everything should be dropped in their lap, and they give up too easily. They also don't like to listen to advice about how to self-correct when they are heading into the danger zone. Quite are few are awful at communication: They wear their emotions on their sleeve, they don't speak with respect (saying "what" instead of excuse me I didn't hear you, pardon, or can you please repeat that), and not speaking/acknowledging you when they see you. I read something recently that said parents remember that when you are done raising your kids remember they still have to go out into the world. The "real" world might not tolerate the same behaviors that you do so prepare your children to be able to interact with people of different backgrounds, races, ethnicities, religions, etc. Otherwise when reality hits them upside the head they will be sent into a whirlwind.

And this is why they need to fall flat on their faces. Let them make mistakes and retrain them.

It's how they'll learn.

At whose expense???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are shooting too low. I wouldn't hire someone with your education and experience for an entry level job (and certainly not am internship), but I have hired many mothers returning to the workforce for mid level jobs with lots of flexibility.

You don't lose all your education and experience due to a career break, so stop acting apologetic and willing to start from the bottom. My guess is you are not portraying confidence and are seeming maybe a bit meek because you are over compensating for the time off. The self doubt about the break shines through in interviews, so work on your own paradigms and perception.

+100
Excellent advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but I don't feel bad. This is a conscious choice you made, to give up your career and be supported by your husband, and you are now perceived as always putting career on the back burner. PTSA and HOA simply don't translate to the real world.

^^ burned by the ex-wife for alimony, are ya?

Uh, hardly. I'm a (female, with young kids) hiring manager who would never pass up a motivated young recent grad for someone who quit voluntarily and is now out of the game. Harsh but true. Based on OP's post I'm not alone.

You do understand that sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that are carefully weighed before a woman decides to quit her career and stay at home. It could be a special needs child, sick parents, husbands career involving travel, or maybe there are no pressing circumstances other than a mother choosing to be the primary caretaker of their child.

I know of not one SAHM that made this decision lightly, it is done because it is felt to be the best thing for that particular family at that given time. That should not forever more make a perfectly capable, smart, mature woman rendered unemployable. Taking several years off to raise a family (not just sit around eating cupcakes and playing video games) does not negate the decades of "working" life a person could have and also does not deem them as unmotivated.

The very fact that as a woman you could judge and dismiss so harshly another woman for valid life choices or circumstances because it is not the path that you would have chosen is arrogant and disturbingly sad.

AMEN GIRLFRIEND!

AMEN x2!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but I don't feel bad. This is a conscious choice you made, to give up your career and be supported by your husband, and you are now perceived as always putting career on the back burner. PTSA and HOA simply don't translate to the real world.

^^ burned by the ex-wife for alimony, are ya?

Uh, hardly. I'm a (female, with young kids) hiring manager who would never pass up a motivated young recent grad for someone who quit voluntarily and is now out of the game. Harsh but true. Based on OP's post I'm not alone.

You do understand that sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that are carefully weighed before a woman decides to quit her career and stay at home. It could be a special needs child, sick parents, husbands career involving travel, or maybe there are no pressing circumstances other than a mother choosing to be the primary caretaker of their child.

I know of not one SAHM that made this decision lightly, it is done because it is felt to be the best thing for that particular family at that given time. That should not forever more make a perfectly capable, smart, mature woman rendered unemployable. Taking several years off to raise a family (not just sit around eating cupcakes and playing video games) does not negate the decades of "working" life a person could have and also does not deem them as unmotivated.

The very fact that as a woman you could judge and dismiss so harshly another woman for valid life choices or circumstances because it is not the path that you would have chosen is arrogant and disturbingly sad.

AMEN GIRLFRIEND!

AMEN x2!

Amen x3

"The very fact that as a woman you could judge and dismiss so harshly another woman for valid life choices or circumstances because it is not the path that you would have chosen is arrogant and disturbingly sad."

It also speaks volumes about their resent and envy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but I don't feel bad. This is a conscious choice you made, to give up your career and be supported by your husband, and you are now perceived as always putting career on the back burner. PTSA and HOA simply don't translate to the real world.

Is this advice you would say to your daughter?

Actually, yes it is.

Me too. I would also tell her -- I wish it wasn't this way, but it is; if you're going to get off the work treadmill to stay home, make sure you realize that you may NEVER go back to professional work. I would tell her the stories of the women I know who stayed home, then needed money bc DH got laid off or left and they ended up back in retail or waitressing. I wouldn't say -- don't stay home -- but I'd say do it at a time when you are absolutely certain that you don't NEED to go back ever -- i.e. kids' college funds are set, your retirement is set, and you have some huge protections in case of divorce.

Some people posting on this thread are the problem it is this way for SAHMs returning to work.... but they don't have to be part of the problem.
I hope they realize that for the sake of all our daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are shooting too low. I wouldn't hire someone with your education and experience for an entry level job (and certainly not am internship), but I have hired many mothers returning to the workforce for mid level jobs with lots of flexibility.

You don't lose all your education and experience due to a career break, so stop acting apologetic and willing to start from the bottom. My guess is you are not portraying confidence and are seeming maybe a bit meek because you are over compensating for the time off. The self doubt about the break shines through in interviews, so work on your own paradigms and perception.

+100
Excellent advice.

EXCELLENT ADVICE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but I don't feel bad. This is a conscious choice you made, to give up your career and be supported by your husband, and you are now perceived as always putting career on the back burner. PTSA and HOA simply don't translate to the real world.

How ugly of you. How about she gave up her career to raise her child/ren and support them.

Her choice, her consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but I don't feel bad. This is a conscious choice you made, to give up your career and be supported by your husband, and you are now perceived as always putting career on the back burner. PTSA and HOA simply don't translate to the real world.

Is this advice you would say to your daughter?

Actually, yes it is.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but I don't feel bad. This is a conscious choice you made, to give up your career and be supported by your husband, and you are now perceived as always putting career on the back burner. PTSA and HOA simply don't translate to the real world.

^^ burned by the ex-wife for alimony, are ya?

Uh, hardly. I'm a (female, with young kids) hiring manager who would never pass up a motivated young recent grad for someone who quit voluntarily and is now out of the game. Harsh but true. Based on OP's post I'm not alone.

You do understand that sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that are carefully weighed before a woman decides to quit her career and stay at home. It could be a special needs child, sick parents, husbands career involving travel, or maybe there are no pressing circumstances other than a mother choosing to be the primary caretaker of their child.

I know of not one SAHM that made this decision lightly, it is done because it is felt to be the best thing for that particular family at that given time. That should not forever more make a perfectly capable, smart, mature woman rendered unemployable. Taking several years off to raise a family (not just sit around eating cupcakes and playing video games) does not negate the decades of "working" life a person could have and also does not deem them as unmotivated.

The very fact that as a woman you could judge and dismiss so harshly another woman for valid life choices or circumstances because it is not the path that you would have chosen is arrogant and disturbingly sad.

AMEN GIRLFRIEND!

AMEN x2!

Amen x3

"The very fact that as a woman you could judge and dismiss so harshly another woman for valid life choices or circumstances because it is not the path that you would have chosen is arrogant and disturbingly sad."

It also speaks volumes about their resent and envy.

I never understand this. I could easily be a SAHM if I chose to. Not everyone wants that life.

[Anonymous]

Why should female hiring managers be MORE sympathetic to SAHM wanting to return to the workforce? They have a job to fill and need to do it with the best person available. That may not be the SAHM.

While it isn't a working versus SAHM debate, this thread clearly outlines one of the challenges of SAHM in our society. Many working moms have made that decision, that they don't want to be out of the professional workforce. Others don't have the choice.

However, when you have the choice and have opted for 13 years out of a professional situation, then the consequences are going to be the challenge to re-enter. It isn't on the hiring manager to be sympathetic, it is on the applicant to put themselves in the position of being the absolute best candidate.

The woe is me stuff is not befitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who just finished working with a group of kids right out of college let me say that it will be a while before many of them are ready to take on any type of leadership role. Many (not all) are entitled, think everything should be dropped in their lap, and they give up too easily. They also don't like to listen to advice about how to self-correct when they are heading into the danger zone. Quite are few are awful at communication: They wear their emotions on their sleeve, they don't speak with respect (saying "what" instead of excuse me I didn't hear you, pardon, or can you please repeat that), and not speaking/acknowledging you when they see you. I read something recently that said parents remember that when you are done raising your kids remember they still have to go out into the world. The "real" world might not tolerate the same behaviors that you do so prepare your children to be able to interact with people of different backgrounds, races, ethnicities, religions, etc. Otherwise when reality hits them upside the head they will be sent into a whirlwind.

And this is why they need to fall flat on their faces. Let them make mistakes and retrain them.

It's how they'll learn.

At whose expense???

Here's the thing. You provide these know-it-alls with mentors. Yes, they'll make mistakes, and one too many means they're out obviously. However, these young people ARE the new generation to take over OUR jobs. You do realize that, right? So rather than being reactive and shutting them out, be proactive and retrain them. They're not dumb - just entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP, but I don't feel bad. This is a conscious choice you made, to give up your career and be supported by your husband, and you are now perceived as always putting career on the back burner. PTSA and HOA simply don't translate to the real world.

Is this advice you would say to your daughter?

Actually, yes it is.

Me too. And it's the advice my Mother gave me. Feminism is all about choices. You don't have to stay home or work and be confined to old stereotypes. But men and women should be treated equally. If a man stays home for years he can't get back in easily either. This isn't about feminism. This is about workplace dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why should female hiring managers be MORE sympathetic to SAHM wanting to return to the workforce? They have a job to fill and need to do it with the best person available. That may not be the SAHM.

While it isn't a working versus SAHM debate, this thread clearly outlines one of the challenges of SAHM in our society. Many working moms have made that decision, that they don't want to be out of the professional workforce. Others don't have the choice.

However, when you have the choice and have opted for 13 years out of a professional situation, then the consequences are going to be the challenge to re-enter. It isn't on the hiring manager to be sympathetic, it is on the applicant to put themselves in the position of being the absolute best candidate.

The woe is me stuff is not befitting.

I really don't think you are reading these responses closely enough; there are "hiring managers" on here saying they would ALWAYS hire a millennial over someone who chose to stay home for any amount of time. And, if you read the post, the OP is is venting that she cannot get an UNPAID position, so she understands she has to aim low. The problem here is that women are refusing to understand that a woman who has 15 years of experience and stayed home for 5 may have some experience over someone with 2 years of experience. One poster pointed out she has MORE of a vested interest to succeed than a millennial because she has expenses they don't, and they aren't burnt out.

I don't think there is a single SAHM that doesn't know what their choice does to their career, but women are pointing out the extreme bias that they have toward a woman or man who left the workforce as being weak, stupid, not hungry enough, lazy, out of date, and so on.

Some women have been helpful on these types of threads by giving practical advice over trying to shame them. And, the OP is clearly venting that she cannot work for FREE, and yet some women like pp can't help but sink their fangs into her.

And, for every "feminist" who says this is her due, then you are not a feminist.