Anyone get divorced bc of no chldren?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I don't understand where your DH is on this, would the issue be moot if IVF worked? Is he willing to try again?

I know several couples who went to Cornell inNYC as a last ditch after multiple failed attempts and were successful

If IVF or nature worked, DH would be happy with kids. His issue is adoption or donor sperm because he has a need to have children that are biologically his. This drives me crazy. He's not even particularly handsome or tall or anything. If anything, his family is predisposed to obesity, heart disease, diabetes and cancer at young ages so you'd think he'd like to mix up the gene pool. His vanity and ego are telling him to reject non-bio children.

OP, is this sperm 100% unfit for the purpose? ART do wonderful things even with slightly workable sperm, so is his juice completely fizzled out?

If so, I would honestly divorce in your shoes. Having children is a major, major, major thing in life, and if you want them, you will forever regret not having them. Additionally, you will develop a colossal case of bitterness and rage against your husband who denied you WHAT HE FREAKING PROMISED based on ego. You will die inside a little every time you look at a woman your age with small children thinking that it should have been you. I would get your husband's position if, say, he had a serious genetic condition that he feared passing along, but refusal to have kids based on ego would be unacceptable to me.

Plus, remember that you, a woman, have a limited window of fertility. If your husband changes his mind twenty years from now, he CAN go and have kids with someone else. You won't be able to. If having kids is important to you, divorce. I say this to you as someone for whom having multiple kids was important, and when my DH waffled on having a second, I told him I would divorce over that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I don't understand where your DH is on this, would the issue be moot if IVF worked? Is he willing to try again?

I know several couples who went to Cornell inNYC as a last ditch after multiple failed attempts and were successful

If IVF or nature worked, DH would be happy with kids. His issue is adoption or donor sperm because he has a need to have children that are biologically his. This drives me crazy. He's not even particularly handsome or tall or anything. If anything, his family is predisposed to obesity, heart disease, diabetes and cancer at young ages so you'd think he'd like to mix up the gene pool. His vanity and ego are telling him to reject non-bio children.

OP, I am one of the people telling you to get donor sperm, and even I find this statement to be a bit harsh. The heart disease thing could be an issue, but really, you aren't perfect. I am concerned that you show an interest in donor sperm partly because he is not great looking. Of you go the route of donor sperm, at least try to get a donor that looks like him. Same ethnicity and so on.
I understand that his ego is troubling, he sounds selfish. I have seen these guys, they aren't the fittest, and seem to shy away from their equal in women (short, unhealthy, obese). I don't know what to say.
Are your eggs good? If so, maybe freeze eggs and embryos from donor sperm (not as easy and 100% as you think), but still consider donor for immediate conception. Sounds like he would divorce you if you got pregnant, but you never know.

OP here and I'm the first to admit I'm not perfect. Beeline me, I'd love to have a perfect baby made up of my and DH's imperfections but after spending close to 80k on ivf, I know when it's time to seek out other options

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I don't understand where your DH is on this, would the issue be moot if IVF worked? Is he willing to try again?

I know several couples who went to Cornell inNYC as a last ditch after multiple failed attempts and were successful

If IVF or nature worked, DH would be happy with kids. His issue is adoption or donor sperm because he has a need to have children that are biologically his. This drives me crazy. He's not even particularly handsome or tall or anything. If anything, his family is predisposed to obesity, heart disease, diabetes and cancer at young ages so you'd think he'd like to mix up the gene pool. His vanity and ego are telling him to reject non-bio children.

OP, I am one of the people telling you to get donor sperm, and even I find this statement to be a bit harsh. The heart disease thing could be an issue, but really, you aren't perfect. I am concerned that you show an interest in donor sperm partly because he is not great looking. Of you go the route of donor sperm, at least try to get a donor that looks like him. Same ethnicity and so on.
I understand that his ego is troubling, he sounds selfish. I have seen these guys, they aren't the fittest, and seem to shy away from their equal in women (short, unhealthy, obese). I don't know what to say.
Are your eggs good? If so, maybe freeze eggs and embryos from donor sperm (not as easy and 100% as you think), but still consider donor for immediate conception. Sounds like he would divorce you if you got pregnant, but you never know.

I disagree. I think it's the frustration that he won't look into other options. I mean, very few are married to an Olympic athlete or Nobel Prize winner or the like. At some point you have to say, this isn't working, these are our options for having a child, which may preclude having a bio link, and I say this as someone who did use donor sperm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I don't understand where your DH is on this, would the issue be moot if IVF worked? Is he willing to try again?

I know several couples who went to Cornell inNYC as a last ditch after multiple failed attempts and were successful

If IVF or nature worked, DH would be happy with kids. His issue is adoption or donor sperm because he has a need to have children that are biologically his. This drives me crazy. He's not even particularly handsome or tall or anything. If anything, his family is predisposed to obesity, heart disease, diabetes and cancer at young ages so you'd think he'd like to mix up the gene pool. His vanity and ego are telling him to reject non-bio children.

OP, I am one of the people telling you to get donor sperm, and even I find this statement to be a bit harsh. The heart disease thing could be an issue, but really, you aren't perfect. I am concerned that you show an interest in donor sperm partly because he is not great looking. Of you go the route of donor sperm, at least try to get a donor that looks like him. Same ethnicity and so on.
I understand that his ego is troubling, he sounds selfish. I have seen these guys, they aren't the fittest, and seem to shy away from their equal in women (short, unhealthy, obese). I don't know what to say.
Are your eggs good? If so, maybe freeze eggs and embryos from donor sperm (not as easy and 100% as you think), but still consider donor for immediate conception. Sounds like he would divorce you if you got pregnant, but you never know.

OP here and I'm the first to admit I'm not perfect. Beeline me, I'd love to have a perfect baby made up of my and DH's imperfections but after spending close to 80k on ivf, I know when it's time to seek out other options

I am not judging you at all. I understand a lot more than you would ever know. I have been on both sides. Years ago, a man dropped me because he was concerned that I was too old to have kids (36), somehow, he thought my menstrual irregularities would play into that too. I was not really irregular, just never kept a log, so when he asked about it I gave a sloppy answer like every 35 days, and that scared him. I did not know what he was prying about. I only figured it out later. I went on and married and had kids up until age 44! I have no idea what he is doing today.
Anyway, your situation is not unique, but you have to be brave about this. If indeed his sperm is the problem, and you desperately want kids, you must go ahead and have them. As a pp said, you will never forget that and it will haunt you forever. I know some older women who say that they cry nightly over it.
If you divorce, you will look desperate out there. The clock is ticking and that is too much pressure. You would also be twice divorced, which will scare folks. Your attitude might be so screwed up that the men will sense an angry woman. I have seen it work for some women, but realistically, it won't work.
As you describe your husband, I get the sense that he would not be so nice if the shoe were on the other foot. You don't have to hate him, but you have to love yourself more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I don't understand where your DH is on this, would the issue be moot if IVF worked? Is he willing to try again?

I know several couples who went to Cornell inNYC as a last ditch after multiple failed attempts and were successful

If IVF or nature worked, DH would be happy with kids. His issue is adoption or donor sperm because he has a need to have children that are biologically his. This drives me crazy. He's not even particularly handsome or tall or anything. If anything, his family is predisposed to obesity, heart disease, diabetes and cancer at young ages so you'd think he'd like to mix up the gene pool. His vanity and ego are telling him to reject non-bio children.

OP, I am one of the people telling you to get donor sperm, and even I find this statement to be a bit harsh. The heart disease thing could be an issue, but really, you aren't perfect. I am concerned that you show an interest in donor sperm partly because he is not great looking. Of you go the route of donor sperm, at least try to get a donor that looks like him. Same ethnicity and so on.
I understand that his ego is troubling, he sounds selfish. I have seen these guys, they aren't the fittest, and seem to shy away from their equal in women (short, unhealthy, obese). I don't know what to say.
Are your eggs good? If so, maybe freeze eggs and embryos from donor sperm (not as easy and 100% as you think), but still consider donor for immediate conception. Sounds like he would divorce you if you got pregnant, but you never know.

OP here and I'm the first to admit I'm not perfect. Beeline me, I'd love to have a perfect baby made up of my and DH's imperfections but after spending close to 80k on ivf, I know when it's time to seek out other options

I am not judging you at all. I understand a lot more than you would ever know. I have been on both sides. Years ago, a man dropped me because he was concerned that I was too old to have kids (36), somehow, he thought my menstrual irregularities would play into that too. I was not really irregular, just never kept a log, so when he asked about it I gave a sloppy answer like every 35 days, and that scared him. I did not know what he was prying about. I only figured it out later. I went on and married and had kids up until age 44! I have no idea what he is doing today.
Anyway, your situation is not unique, but you have to be brave about this. If indeed his sperm is the problem, and you desperately want kids, you must go ahead and have them. As a pp said, you will never forget that and it will haunt you forever. I know some older women who say that they cry nightly over it.
If you divorce, you will look desperate out there. The clock is ticking and that is too much pressure. You would also be twice divorced, which will scare folks. Your attitude might be so screwed up that the men will sense an angry woman. I have seen it work for some women, but realistically, it won't work.
As you describe your husband, I get the sense that he would not be so nice if the shoe were on the other foot. You don't have to hate him, but you have to love yourself more.

First, either she wants a child or she wants a relationship. The IDEAL is a child and a relationship, but her options at this point are child OR a relationship. I saw opt for the child because in a lifetime you are sure to find another relationship.

I also find it odd the people who are so worried about how she will look in the dating market if she is twice divorced with a kid. After a certain point nobody will give a shit about any of that and frankly, if she wants a kid, she can't be focused on whether or not she will be dateable at some point in the future. That is a secondary concern.

Anyway, please do NOT, whatever you do, listen to these folks telling you to be morally repugnant and sneak and do an IUI. Don't do that.

[Anonymous]

The comments in this thread are disturbing.

[Anonymous]

OP how many eggs were you having? What makes you sure he is the fault? Male factor is easier to work around even with abysmal numbers. The point is, it's might be YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I don't understand where your DH is on this, would the issue be moot if IVF worked? Is he willing to try again?

I know several couples who went to Cornell inNYC as a last ditch after multiple failed attempts and were successful

If IVF or nature worked, DH would be happy with kids. His issue is adoption or donor sperm because he has a need to have children that are biologically his. This drives me crazy. He's not even particularly handsome or tall or anything. If anything, his family is predisposed to obesity, heart disease, diabetes and cancer at young ages so you'd think he'd like to mix up the gene pool. His vanity and ego are telling him to reject non-bio children.

OP, I am one of the people telling you to get donor sperm, and even I find this statement to be a bit harsh. The heart disease thing could be an issue, but really, you aren't perfect. I am concerned that you show an interest in donor sperm partly because he is not great looking. Of you go the route of donor sperm, at least try to get a donor that looks like him. Same ethnicity and so on.
I understand that his ego is troubling, he sounds selfish. I have seen these guys, they aren't the fittest, and seem to shy away from their equal in women (short, unhealthy, obese). I don't know what to say.
Are your eggs good? If so, maybe freeze eggs and embryos from donor sperm (not as easy and 100% as you think), but still consider donor for immediate conception. Sounds like he would divorce you if you got pregnant, but you never know.

OP here and I'm the first to admit I'm not perfect. Beeline me, I'd love to have a perfect baby made up of my and DH's imperfections but after spending close to 80k on ivf, I know when it's time to seek out other options

I am not judging you at all. I understand a lot more than you would ever know. I have been on both sides. Years ago, a man dropped me because he was concerned that I was too old to have kids (36), somehow, he thought my menstrual irregularities would play into that too. I was not really irregular, just never kept a log, so when he asked about it I gave a sloppy answer like every 35 days, and that scared him. I did not know what he was prying about. I only figured it out later. I went on and married and had kids up until age 44! I have no idea what he is doing today.
Anyway, your situation is not unique, but you have to be brave about this. If indeed his sperm is the problem, and you desperately want kids, you must go ahead and have them. As a pp said, you will never forget that and it will haunt you forever. I know some older women who say that they cry nightly over it.
If you divorce, you will look desperate out there. The clock is ticking and that is too much pressure. You would also be twice divorced, which will scare folks. Your attitude might be so screwed up that the men will sense an angry woman. I have seen it work for some women, but realistically, it won't work.
As you describe your husband, I get the sense that he would not be so nice if the shoe were on the other foot. You don't have to hate him, but you have to love yourself more.

First, either she wants a child or she wants a relationship. The IDEAL is a child and a relationship, but her options at this point are child OR a relationship. I saw opt for the child because in a lifetime you are sure to find another relationship.

I also find it odd the people who are so worried about how she will look in the dating market if she is twice divorced with a kid. After a certain point nobody will give a shit about any of that and frankly, if she wants a kid, she can't be focused on whether or not she will be dateable at some point in the future. That is a secondary concern.

Anyway, please do NOT, whatever you do, listen to these folks telling you to be morally repugnant and sneak and do an IUI. Don't do that.

I was not saying that she would have trouble finding someone if she divorced for a second time with a child. I said that she would have trouble finding someone soon enough to have kids if she leaves him now. She would not be first picks, plus there are fewer men out there than when she last looked. She would end up twice divorced and looking for donor sperm.
There is a small chance that her husband will stick with her if she goes ahead and gets inseminated without telling him. Im not sure what the point of telling him ahead of time is. He already said no to that.
OP, get inseminated without telling him. If he leaves, so what? You can live alone with the kid, but you can't live with him without one.
This is NOT adultery. I always say that men can't live without sex, women can't live without children (flame away). Ask him if he is willing to give up something that really matters to him. He would not. This matters big time to you, and the feeling will never go away.
Also, if you try with donor sperm and still fail to conceive, you will be depressed, a situation you will have to handle on your own, but cross that bridge later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I don't understand where your DH is on this, would the issue be moot if IVF worked? Is he willing to try again?

I know several couples who went to Cornell inNYC as a last ditch after multiple failed attempts and were successful

If IVF or nature worked, DH would be happy with kids. His issue is adoption or donor sperm because he has a need to have children that are biologically his. This drives me crazy. He's not even particularly handsome or tall or anything. If anything, his family is predisposed to obesity, heart disease, diabetes and cancer at young ages so you'd think he'd like to mix up the gene pool. His vanity and ego are telling him to reject non-bio children.

OP, I am one of the people telling you to get donor sperm, and even I find this statement to be a bit harsh. The heart disease thing could be an issue, but really, you aren't perfect. I am concerned that you show an interest in donor sperm partly because he is not great looking. Of you go the route of donor sperm, at least try to get a donor that looks like him. Same ethnicity and so on.
I understand that his ego is troubling, he sounds selfish. I have seen these guys, they aren't the fittest, and seem to shy away from their equal in women (short, unhealthy, obese). I don't know what to say.
Are your eggs good? If so, maybe freeze eggs and embryos from donor sperm (not as easy and 100% as you think), but still consider donor for immediate conception. Sounds like he would divorce you if you got pregnant, but you never know.

OP here and I'm the first to admit I'm not perfect. Beeline me, I'd love to have a perfect baby made up of my and DH's imperfections but after spending close to 80k on ivf, I know when it's time to seek out other options

I am not judging you at all. I understand a lot more than you would ever know. I have been on both sides. Years ago, a man dropped me because he was concerned that I was too old to have kids (36), somehow, he thought my menstrual irregularities would play into that too. I was not really irregular, just never kept a log, so when he asked about it I gave a sloppy answer like every 35 days, and that scared him. I did not know what he was prying about. I only figured it out later. I went on and married and had kids up until age 44! I have no idea what he is doing today.
Anyway, your situation is not unique, but you have to be brave about this. If indeed his sperm is the problem, and you desperately want kids, you must go ahead and have them. As a pp said, you will never forget that and it will haunt you forever. I know some older women who say that they cry nightly over it.
If you divorce, you will look desperate out there. The clock is ticking and that is too much pressure. You would also be twice divorced, which will scare folks. Your attitude might be so screwed up that the men will sense an angry woman. I have seen it work for some women, but realistically, it won't work.
As you describe your husband, I get the sense that he would not be so nice if the shoe were on the other foot. You don't have to hate him, but you have to love yourself more.

First, either she wants a child or she wants a relationship. The IDEAL is a child and a relationship, but her options at this point are child OR a relationship. I saw opt for the child because in a lifetime you are sure to find another relationship.

I also find it odd the people who are so worried about how she will look in the dating market if she is twice divorced with a kid. After a certain point nobody will give a shit about any of that and frankly, if she wants a kid, she can't be focused on whether or not she will be dateable at some point in the future. That is a secondary concern.

Anyway, please do NOT, whatever you do, listen to these folks telling you to be morally repugnant and sneak and do an IUI. Don't do that.

I was not saying that she would have trouble finding someone if she divorced for a second time with a child. I said that she would have trouble finding someone soon enough to have kids if she leaves him now. She would not be first picks, plus there are fewer men out there than when she last looked. She would end up twice divorced and looking for donor sperm.
There is a small chance that her husband will stick with her if she goes ahead and gets inseminated without telling him. Im not sure what the point of telling him ahead of time is. He already said no to that.
OP, get inseminated without telling him. If he leaves, so what? You can live alone with the kid, but you can't live with him without one.
This is NOT adultery. I always say that men can't live without sex, women can't live without children (flame away). Ask him if he is willing to give up something that really matters to him. He would not. This matters big time to you, and the feeling will never go away.
Also, if you try with donor sperm and still fail to conceive, you will be depressed, a situation you will have to handle on your own, but cross that bridge later.

And what you don't understand is that *I* am saying is divorce this man. Go make a baby with donor sperm or adopt an embryo or child. Forget trying to find someone else to marry and all that. Worry about having a man later, focusing on having a child now. But absolutely DO NOT just go and get pregnant with donor sperm behind her husband's back. Just leave him and let him have the life he wants while she goes and gets the child she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I don't understand where your DH is on this, would the issue be moot if IVF worked? Is he willing to try again?

I know several couples who went to Cornell inNYC as a last ditch after multiple failed attempts and were successful

If IVF or nature worked, DH would be happy with kids. His issue is adoption or donor sperm because he has a need to have children that are biologically his. This drives me crazy. He's not even particularly handsome or tall or anything. If anything, his family is predisposed to obesity, heart disease, diabetes and cancer at young ages so you'd think he'd like to mix up the gene pool. His vanity and ego are telling him to reject non-bio children.

OP, I am one of the people telling you to get donor sperm, and even I find this statement to be a bit harsh. The heart disease thing could be an issue, but really, you aren't perfect. I am concerned that you show an interest in donor sperm partly because he is not great looking. Of you go the route of donor sperm, at least try to get a donor that looks like him. Same ethnicity and so on.
I understand that his ego is troubling, he sounds selfish. I have seen these guys, they aren't the fittest, and seem to shy away from their equal in women (short, unhealthy, obese). I don't know what to say.
Are your eggs good? If so, maybe freeze eggs and embryos from donor sperm (not as easy and 100% as you think), but still consider donor for immediate conception. Sounds like he would divorce you if you got pregnant, but you never know.

OP here and I'm the first to admit I'm not perfect. Beeline me, I'd love to have a perfect baby made up of my and DH's imperfections but after spending close to 80k on ivf, I know when it's time to seek out other options

I am not judging you at all. I understand a lot more than you would ever know. I have been on both sides. Years ago, a man dropped me because he was concerned that I was too old to have kids (36), somehow, he thought my menstrual irregularities would play into that too. I was not really irregular, just never kept a log, so when he asked about it I gave a sloppy answer like every 35 days, and that scared him. I did not know what he was prying about. I only figured it out later. I went on and married and had kids up until age 44! I have no idea what he is doing today.
Anyway, your situation is not unique, but you have to be brave about this. If indeed his sperm is the problem, and you desperately want kids, you must go ahead and have them. As a pp said, you will never forget that and it will haunt you forever. I know some older women who say that they cry nightly over it.
If you divorce, you will look desperate out there. The clock is ticking and that is too much pressure. You would also be twice divorced, which will scare folks. Your attitude might be so screwed up that the men will sense an angry woman. I have seen it work for some women, but realistically, it won't work.
As you describe your husband, I get the sense that he would not be so nice if the shoe were on the other foot. You don't have to hate him, but you have to love yourself more.

First, either she wants a child or she wants a relationship. The IDEAL is a child and a relationship, but her options at this point are child OR a relationship. I saw opt for the child because in a lifetime you are sure to find another relationship.

I also find it odd the people who are so worried about how she will look in the dating market if she is twice divorced with a kid. After a certain point nobody will give a shit about any of that and frankly, if she wants a kid, she can't be focused on whether or not she will be dateable at some point in the future. That is a secondary concern.

Anyway, please do NOT, whatever you do, listen to these folks telling you to be morally repugnant and sneak and do an IUI. Don't do that.

I was not saying that she would have trouble finding someone if she divorced for a second time with a child. I said that she would have trouble finding someone soon enough to have kids if she leaves him now. She would not be first picks, plus there are fewer men out there than when she last looked. She would end up twice divorced and looking for donor sperm.
There is a small chance that her husband will stick with her if she goes ahead and gets inseminated without telling him. Im not sure what the point of telling him ahead of time is. He already said no to that.
OP, get inseminated without telling him. If he leaves, so what? You can live alone with the kid, but you can't live with him without one.
This is NOT adultery. I always say that men can't live without sex, women can't live without children (flame away). Ask him if he is willing to give up something that really matters to him. He would not. This matters big time to you, and the feeling will never go away.
Also, if you try with donor sperm and still fail to conceive, you will be depressed, a situation you will have to handle on your own, but cross that bridge later.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're infertile, have tried multiple rounds of IVF, and husband does not want donor sperm or adoption. I'm 37 and feel like I'm at an impasse. We married with the expectation and understanding that we'd have kids together. But given the infertility and refusal to seek other ways to have kids, would it be crazy to get divorced? I'm just not sure I can see my future with my husband w/o kids, but he's perfectly happy with just the two of us.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, do you want such a big "what if" weighing on you? It is not crazy to get divorced if the two of you want different paths in life. Don't compromise on something as major as having children, don't set yourself up for those regrets. Your DH might agree to donor or adoption if you bring up separation, but keep in mind, he'd be compromising what he wanted out of life and may live with regrets.

No one will like this, but since this is anonymous and all...

My BIL divorced his wife over infertility. A lot of people gave him hell for it but hes married with three children and over the moon happy. Because that is the life he envisioned for himself.

How is his ex doing?

Well, as you can imagine our family isn't close with her anymore - so I have no idea on a personal level how she is doing. From her social media she has a job and travels on her off time (she was a SAHW/vounteer before the divorce). She also has a dog. Appears she is single.

Life isn't fair sometimes. My BIL wanted children and together they couldn't have them. I don't think he should have stayed in a marriage where he'd grow old with regret and maybe even resentment. If you don't want to be childfree, I can imagine what a hole being childless could leave in you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And what you don't understand is that *I* am saying is divorce this man. Go make a baby with donor sperm or adopt an embryo or child. Forget trying to find someone else to marry and all that. Worry about having a man later, focusing on having a child now. But absolutely DO NOT just go and get pregnant with donor sperm behind her husband's back. Just leave him and let him have the life he wants while she goes and gets the child she wants.

This sounds really idealistic, but a few things:
She might not conceive, so she will be alone, and childless.
Two, raising a child alone is tricky, not impossible, but tricky. There is a chance, 20%, that her DH will stick by her.
She just has to tell him that no amount of discussion would have helped her decide. Having a child mattered too much, so she went ahead and did it. Of course she should tell him that she loved him and that her marriage mattered and all that, but she also needs to remind him that without her child, or attempts at having one, the marriage would have failed anyway.
Another reason she should say nothing is if she does not conceive, the less he knows, the better.

[Anonymous]

Is he open to talking with a therapist who specializes in donor issues? When DH and I were deciding whether or not to do DE, we met with a therapist. I had lots of fears and grief over losing the genetic connection. Talking with her was very helpful. Gave me a place to express my feelings. She also helped me see things in a different perspective.

In the end we decided to do DE and I'm 5 weeks pregnant.