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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]While I don't understand where your DH is on this, would the issue be moot if IVF worked? Is he willing to try again?

I know several couples who went to Cornell inNYC as a last ditch after multiple failed attempts and were successful[/quote]

If IVF or nature worked, DH would be happy with kids. His issue is adoption or donor sperm because he has a need to have children that are biologically his. This drives me crazy. He's [b]not even particularly handsome or tall or anything[/b]. If anything, his family is predisposed to obesity, heart disease, diabetes and cancer at young ages so you'd think he'd like to mix up the gene pool. His vanity and ego are telling him to reject non-bio children.[/quote]

OP, I am one of the people telling you to get donor sperm, and even I find this statement to be a bit harsh. The heart disease thing could be an issue, but really, you aren't perfect. I am concerned that you show an interest in donor sperm partly because he is not great looking. Of you go the route of donor sperm, at least try to get a donor that looks like him. Same ethnicity and so on. 
I understand that his ego is troubling, he sounds selfish. I have seen these guys, they aren't the fittest, and seem to shy away from their equal in women (short, unhealthy, obese). I don't know what to say.
Are your eggs good? If so, maybe freeze eggs and embryos from donor sperm (not as easy and 100% as you think), but still consider donor for immediate conception. Sounds like he would divorce you if you got pregnant, but you never know. [/quote]

OP here and I'm the first to admit I'm not perfect. Beeline me, I'd love to have a perfect baby made up of my and DH's imperfections but after spending close to 80k on ivf, I know when it's time to seek out other options [/quote]

I am not judging you at all. I understand a lot more than you would ever know. I have been on both sides. Years ago, a man dropped me because he was concerned that I was too old to have kids (36), somehow, he thought my menstrual irregularities would play into that too. I was not really irregular, just never kept a log, so when he asked about it I gave a sloppy answer like every 35 days, and that scared him. I did not know what he was prying about. I only figured it out later. I went on and married and had kids up until age 44! I have no idea what he is doing today. 
Anyway, your situation is not unique, but you have to be brave about this. If indeed his sperm is the problem, and you desperately want kids, you must go ahead and have them. As a pp said, you will never forget that and it will haunt you forever. I know some older women who say that they cry nightly over it. 
If you divorce, you will look desperate out there. The clock is ticking and that is too much pressure. You would also be twice divorced, which will scare folks. Your attitude might be so screwed up that the men will sense an angry woman. I have seen it work for some women, but realistically, it won't work. 
As you describe your husband, I get the sense that he would not be so nice if the shoe were on the other foot. You don't have to hate him, but you have to love yourself more. [/quote]

First, either she wants a child or she wants a relationship. The IDEAL is a child and a relationship, but her options at this point are child OR a relationship. I saw opt for the child because in a lifetime you are sure to find another relationship.

I also find it odd the people who are so worried about how she will look in the dating market if she is twice divorced with a kid. After a certain point nobody will give a shit about any of that and frankly, if she wants a kid, she can't be focused on whether or not she will be dateable at some point in the future. That is a secondary concern.

Anyway, please do NOT, whatever you do, listen to these folks telling you to be morally repugnant and sneak and do an IUI. Don't do that. [/quote]

I was not saying that she would have trouble finding someone if she divorced for a second time with a child. I said that she would have trouble finding someone soon enough to have kids if she leaves him now. She would not be first picks, plus there are fewer men out there than when she last looked. She would end up twice divorced and looking for donor sperm. 
There is a small chance that her husband will stick with her if she goes ahead and gets inseminated without telling him. Im not sure what the point of telling him ahead of time is. He already said no to that. 
OP, get inseminated without telling him. If he leaves, so what? You can live alone with the kid, but you can't live with him without one. 
This is NOT adultery. I always say that men can't live without sex, women can't live without children (flame away). Ask him if he is willing to give up something that really matters to him. He would not. This matters big time to you, and the feeling will never go away. 
Also, if you try with donor sperm and still fail to conceive, you will be depressed, a situation you will have to handle on your own, but cross that bridge later.  [/quote]

And what you don't understand is that *I* am saying is divorce this man. Go make a baby with donor sperm or adopt an embryo or child. Forget trying to find someone else to marry and all that. Worry about having a man later, focusing on having a child now. But absolutely DO NOT just go and get pregnant with donor sperm behind her husband's back. Just leave him and let him have the life he wants while she goes and gets the child she wants. 
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