holding boys back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i have heard that that is a trend of holding back boys with later birthdays? is this seem to be the norm for this area? if so, how does one go about doing so and why? am i at a disadvantage if i choose not to hold my son back? does that mean that he will then be 1 1/2 younger than those that have been held back?

Going back to OP: This is really the crux of the problem--parents feeling that they have to hold back perfectly ordinary, kindergarten-ready boys because others have been held back. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, one-third of these boys are "socially immature"? What on earth does that mean? In our daughter's preschool class of 20, there are one or two boys who have more trouble fitting in than the others, but I certainly wouldn't say they are so far from the mean that they should be kept back. Kids are kids, and teachers are used to dealing with a wide variety of personalities and behaviors. Children shouldn't have to be "perfect" in order to go kindergarten.

Thanks for this post. It sums up much of my feelings on this matter. Well-said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: This is really the crux of the problem

Why is the fact that some parents have chosen to hold their child/ren back a problem? A problem for whom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: This is really the crux of the problem

Why is the fact that some parents have chosen to hold their child/ren back a problem? A problem for whom?

It's not a problem in the few cases when children are truly not kindergarten-ready. It is a problem for the rest of the children and for the teachers when many parents hold back kids who are basically ready but slightly "socially immature" because it increases the range of ages in the classroom.

Look at it this way: if you are holding back your child because you're afraid he'll be the youngest by 11 or 12 months, you may be creating a situation in which some other child has to be the youngest by 16 months.

[Anonymous]

What is "socially immature" anyway? Some kids are more physical than others; some are quieter; some are loners; some are gregarious. Some will change between the ages of 5 and 6, but many will be essentially the same--just a year older.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, we can post on this topic until we're blue in the face. However, there's nothing that one can do about the decisions that other parents make regarding delaying kindergarten. Sure, parents can opt not to send their kids to independent schools where redshirting is the norm. Sure, parents can rally to get public school districts to implement certain policies. But, as with many things in life, there's always a way around the system. Whether your child is in a public school or a private school, there will always be situations where there may be several older kids who create a 12-16 month age difference in the class. There will be kids who move to your school from other parts of the country where the age cut-off is earlier...Kids who have to repeat a grade...Kids who move in-and-out of private schools with varying age cut-offs and policies regarding redshirting.

As a parent, you can complain and commiserate all day. But the fact of the matter is the only thing you can do is make the best choice for your child given his/her development. Obsessing over what other parents may or may not do, or the "fairness" of what other parents may or may not do won't help. I don't think any parent is intentionally trying to create a "problem" for others. But when push comes to shove, parents aren't going to NOT hold their kid back because others deem it a problem. At the risk of being called shrill, get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the risk of being called shrill, get over it.

Ah yes, the path to social progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the risk of being called shrill, get over it.

Ah yes, the path to social progress.

Call it what you like. "Reality" is probably more appropriate.

[Anonymous]

You know, I take it back. That was snide. I understand that parents ultimately do what is best for their children. I'm planning to send my children to private school, although I think the public schools in DC would become a great deal better if we all sent our kids there. But what bothers me is that if one-third of boys are being red-shirted at certain schools (yes, the same schools where I'm hoping to send my children), it suggests that many parents are doing so for misguided reasons.

[Anonymous]

"Children shouldn't have to be "perfect" in order to go kindergarten. "

Apparently in the DC metro area they do

Honestly, I wonder how this generation of kids parented by neurotic Type-A personality helicopter parents will turn out. They can't watch tv. They can't have sugar or sweets. They have to have gift-free birthday parties. They have to take classes and play team sports as toddlers. And apparently the boys have to be 6 years old to start Kindergarten so that they will be taller, stronger, smarter and better behaved than their peers. I think these parents need to take a deep breath and relax a bit. Think about it: most of these parents (if not all) are well-educated and successful people. Did their parents behave the way parents are behaving now? Hardly. My mom thinks I'm crazy when I agonize over these things. She frequently reminds me what bad parents they must have been for letting us watch tv, eat candy, and learn at our own pace. Then she reminds me that I graduated Phi Beta Kappa without being pushed into it by a neurotic parent. I think it's bizarre the way parenting has turned into a competive sport or some sort of science experiment. Did you see the thread on financial aid for $30k/year pre-K tuition? Absurd.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I wonder how this generation of kids parented by neurotic Type-A personality helicopter parents will turn out. They can't watch tv. They can't have sugar or sweets. They have to have gift-free birthday parties. They have to take classes and play team sports as toddlers. And apparently the boys have to be 6 years old to start Kindergarten so that they will be taller, stronger, smarter and better behaved than their peers. I think these parents need to take a deep breath and relax a bit. Think about it: most of these parents (if not all) are well-educated and successful people. Did their parents behave the way parents are behaving now? Hardly. My mom thinks I'm crazy when I agonize over these things. She frequently reminds me what bad parents they must have been for letting us watch tv, eat candy, and learn at our own pace. Then she reminds me that I graduated Phi Beta Kappa without being pushed into it by a neurotic parent. I think it's bizarre the way parenting has turned into a competive sport or some sort of science experiment. Did you see the thread on financial aid for $30k/year pre-K tuition? Absurd.

Amen! It's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Honestly, I wonder how this generation of kids parented by neurotic Type-A personality helicopter parents will turn out. They can't watch tv. They can't have sugar or sweets. They have to have gift-free birthday parties. They have to take classes and play team sports as toddlers. And apparently the boys have to be 6 years old to start Kindergarten so that they will be taller, stronger, smarter and better behaved than their peers. I think these parents need to take a deep breath and relax a bit. Think about it: most of these parents (if not all) are well-educated and successful people. Did their parents behave the way parents are behaving now? Hardly. My mom thinks I'm crazy when I agonize over these things. She frequently reminds me what bad parents they must have been for letting us watch tv, eat candy, and learn at our own pace. Then she reminds me that I graduated Phi Beta Kappa without being pushed into it by a neurotic parent. I think it's bizarre the way parenting has turned into a competive sport or some sort of science experiment. Did you see the thread on financial aid for $30k/year pre-K tuition? Absurd.

Amen! It's ridiculous.

I'll add to the chorus of amens. I grew up in a success-striving area like this one but good God, the pressures didn't start until high school. I used to walk many blocks to school as a 7 year old all by myself, ate all sorts of sugar cereals for breakfast, and wasn't subjected to tons of organized activities. And still I went to great undergrad and law schools and have had a reasonably successful life.

Perhaps starting kindergarten on time means our DS won't be able to get into Harvard Law because he's not as focused/mature as kids who've gained a year-plus by being deliberately held back, but you know something, there's more to life than this hyper-sport of helicopter parenting -- and more to life than Harvard Law.

[Anonymous]

13:01, are you by any chance the 01/31/2008 15:49 poster on the Sidwell thread? Just curious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:01, are you by any chance the 01/31/2008 15:49 poster on the Sidwell thread? Just curious!

No - not me. But I am the one on this thread who believes folks shouldn't judge other parents' decisions, especially when you're not privy to the discussions around why a decision to delay kindergarten was reached. Why do these parents have to be "misguided" or "helicopter parents" because of the decision they have every right to make? Live and let live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Children shouldn't have to be "perfect" in order to go kindergarten. "

Apparently in the DC metro area they do

Honestly, I wonder how this generation of kids parented by neurotic Type-A personality helicopter parents will turn out. They can't watch tv. They can't have sugar or sweets. They have to have gift-free birthday parties. They have to take classes and play team sports as toddlers. And apparently the boys have to be 6 years old to start Kindergarten so that they will be taller, stronger, smarter and better behaved than their peers. I think these parents need to take a deep breath and relax a bit. Think about it: most of these parents (if not all) are well-educated and successful people. Did their parents behave the way parents are behaving now? Hardly. My mom thinks I'm crazy when I agonize over these things. She frequently reminds me what bad parents they must have been for letting us watch tv, eat candy, and learn at our own pace. Then she reminds me that I graduated Phi Beta Kappa without being pushed into it by a neurotic parent. I think it's bizarre the way parenting has turned into a competive sport or some sort of science experiment. Did you see the thread on financial aid for $30k/year pre-K tuition? Absurd.

i sign my child up for classes b/c he wants to play with other children and he enjoys the classes. he likes them. it is not for me. it breaks up long days as well with a child that doesn't require a lot of sleep. what's the big deal? he loved his art class and when i could tell he wasn't into a class, i didn't sign up again. i get it though there are parents out there as you describe. i am definitely not a type a parent for sure, but i try to do things to benefit my children. i wish my parents had "pushed" me a little more to be honest. they are the greatest, but i didn't really strive to achieve. mediocrity was accepted and almost celebrated in regards to corporate jobs, etc..