holding boys back?

[Anonymous]

i have heard that that is a trend of holding back boys with later birthdays? is this seem to be the norm for this area? if so, how does one go about doing so and why? am i at a disadvantage if i choose not to hold my son back? does that mean that he will then be 1 1/2 younger than those that have been held back?

[Anonymous]

You have to make this decision based on your child's school readiness - which is a combination of academics and social skills. As far as how to do it, at least in MD you have to apply to hold the child back. I got the forms from the elementary school that my son would have attended if I had not held him back and then returned the forms to them. FWIW, my son will be six years 4 months when he starts kindergarten.

The one thing that everyone I ever talked to said was this. No one has ever been sorry to have held their child back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to make this decision based on your child's school readiness - which is a combination of academics and social skills. As far as how to do it, at least in MD you have to apply to hold the child back. I got the forms from the elementary school that my son would have attended if I had not held him back and then returned the forms to them. FWIW, my son will be six years 4 months when he starts kindergarten.

The one thing that everyone I ever talked to said was this. No one has ever been sorry to have held their child back.

that seems so old to me. why did you hold him back and is this the norm? you don't need permission from a private school do you?

[Anonymous]

You won't need permission for private schools. The practice of "redshirting" is quite prevalent in this area, especially for those choosing private schools. Most private schools have a September 1 cutoff. A few have cutoffs as early as June. In general, if the child (mainly boys) has a birthday after April some independent schools will recommend that an extra year of growth. Of course this depends on the child. Some boys are mature enough. Some boys aren't.

Our son has a late August birthday. We held him back for kindergarten such that he turned 6 right before school started. We've had absolutely no regrets. He's thriving. Interestingly enough, he's not the oldest in his class. There are probably 4 other children who are older.

[Anonymous]

A large study out of Montreal discourages the practice. That study showed that it actually leads to lower self esteem, even if done before school starts. Also, there were no long term academic advantages. One other study said that if the child is being held back for perceived academic difficulties, it is best to get a professional evaluation. If that evaluation shows a problem, then the child should get special support as needed in his/her appropriate grade. Holding the child back might cause him to miss out on help that he might need.
Teachers support the practice because older children make their lives easier (if you feel that you need to worry about that). The teachers complain less about these kids, which puts the parents at ease.
There are accusations from many groups that between red shirting, un-timed tests, and medications for vague learning disabilities, the financially advantaged are not playing fair. Some have suggested percentile ranks on tests based on birth date so that true comparisons can be made.
My daughter is a bit "immature" (what ever that means for a 4 yr old) and has a summer birthday. I've decided not to hold her back. If there are difficulties, we will face the music, even if that means special ed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A large study out of Montreal discourages the practice. That study showed that it actually leads to lower self esteem, even if done before school starts. Also, there were no long term academic advantages. One other study said that if the child is being held back for perceived academic difficulties, it is best to get a professional evaluation. If that evaluation shows a problem, then the child should get special support as needed in his/her appropriate grade. Holding the child back might cause him to miss out on help that he might need.

I'm sure one can find a study to support any side of just about any argument. The decision to hold a child back is a personal one, and certainly one based on the unique circumstances of the individual child. In our case, had our child been born 48 hours later we would have no choice but to wait another year. I don't think the extra 48 hours made him "ready". And if we lived in other parts of the country where the cutoff for public and private schools is May or June (versus September), we would have no choice. I see no reason to rush.

[Anonymous]

op here. thanks for your posts. i still have no idea what to do but am wondering if all boys in the summer are being held back as that would influence my decision, as that would mean he would really be young if the others being held back are in his class as well. i am still interested in finding out just how many people are holding back their sons. most? 1/2? just some? thanks for posts. look forward to more on this subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The one thing that everyone I ever talked to said was this. No one has ever been sorry to have held their child back.

Wondering how old these children are. I am a relatively young mom and never heard of 'redshirting' before stumbling on some posts on this forum. When I was in school everyone was more or less the same age. I think that I would have felt out of place if I was older than everyone, like being 19 and still in high school. Not criticizing, just wondering how long this redshirting has been going on and the thoughts of parents with older children who kept their kids back a year.

[Anonymous]

If your child is not in school by a certain age (5 in MD), you do need permission from the county, regardless of whether you intend to use private or public school. Otherwise, your child is considered truant. You also have to get permission if you intend to home school. The easiest place to check with respect to how you get the permission is the public elementary school that you would be using if you were to send your child to public school.

As to the question of why I held my child back, he simply was not ready to go based on his academics, his social readiness and his frustration tolerence. My son has IEPs every year along with assessments by his private preschool and everyone agreed it was in his best interest to hold him back, so it was an easy call on my part.

And, I am not familiar with the Montreal study, but I find it difficult to believe that it would be better for a child's self esteem to put him into kindergarten before he is ready and then have him struggle or even fail than it is to hold a child that is not ready back a year.

[Anonymous]

I think that perhaps it's worth exploring overbearing, overanalysing, overobsessive mothers as a variable for boys who are not "emotionally ready" for kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

We have a summer birthday boy and will need to face this question as well.
I'm not surprised that people who have elected to hold their children back a year are pleased with their choice. I would think that their boys (and some girls), based simply on gaming the system, are generally the largest, most mature and seemingly smartest in their classes. Seems to me much like a guy I knew in college who took 4 years of French language classes to raise his GPA. The thing was that French was one of his native languages. I'm not sure what that did for his self-esteem but I didn't have a whole lot of respect for him. The thing is that, if I don't hold my son back, it seems that he'll not only be the youngest in his class by a year, but that he'll be in the same class as boys even 16-18 months older than he is whose parents have decided that their children are finally sufficiently mature to attempt kindergarten! It's hard to know what to do given how common this practice is, but how on Earth could it be that so many of our boys are insufficiently mature to begin kindergarten until they are six years old?
Much of this post is venting, and I am sure there are seventeen studies that show that my children's mental health will be diminished by my even having these thoughts, but it's kindergarten for goodness sake. And to those who say that I shouldn't care so much and that I should just send my kid to school when I want to, I'd respond that the red-shirted kids make a difference in the school experience of the kids who start school on time.

[Anonymous]

20:19 PP here. To respond to the 21:34 PP's concern about her child being the youngest, I was almost always the youngest in all of my classes. If I wasn't, it was only by a matter of days. I never though it was a problem and excelled academically and socially. Being older doesn't necessarily equal smarter or bigger. Also, I think maybe red shirting seems more prevalent on this board than it really is.

Still really interested in hearing from parents of older children who were red shirted if there are any out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a summer birthday boy and will need to face this question as well.
I'm not surprised that people who have elected to hold their children back a year are pleased with their choice. I would think that their boys (and some girls), based simply on gaming the system, are generally the largest, most mature and seemingly smartest in their classes. Seems to me much like a guy I knew in college who took 4 years of French language classes to raise his GPA. The thing was that French was one of his native languages. I'm not sure what that did for his self-esteem but I didn't have a whole lot of respect for him. The thing is that, if I don't hold my son back, it seems that he'll not only be the youngest in his class by a year, but that he'll be in the same class as boys even 16-18 months older than he is whose parents have decided that their children are finally sufficiently mature to attempt kindergarten! It's hard to know what to do given how common this practice is, but how on Earth could it be that so many of our boys are insufficiently mature to begin kindergarten until they are six years old?
Much of this post is venting, and I am sure there are seventeen studies that show that my children's mental health will be diminished by my even having these thoughts, but it's kindergarten for goodness sake. And to those who say that I shouldn't care so much and that I should just send my kid to school when I want to, I'd respond that the red-shirted kids make a difference in the school experience of the kids who start school on time.

op here. i agree completely. this is what i am talking about. i am worried that if i don't hold him back then he will indeed be the youngest, not by 10-12 months, but by 14-16 months. the thing is, he is in nursery now and will be again next year, so it isn't like he will just be sitting home. he would take pre k as planned next year then if we decide to hold back he would just enter his new school in pre k, repeating pre-k. i think it is ridiculous this whole idea of holding back to gain in academics, etc... but then i know moms whom i have the utmost respect for who swear by it and said it was great for their child to hold him back. i think it really only applies to boys, as girls mature faster. the thing is, my son is bright, athletic, etc... and doing great so i don't know what to do. however, i did attend an open house this fall and there were 2 boys in the class that looked huge and so much more mature than this small little fragile looking boy who standing alone in the front. for all i know, the young one probably was the appropriate age and the others were redshirted. however, that being said, do i want to make my son be the smallest and most fragile looking one if indeed there will be kids 14-16 months ahead of him in his class. it almost seems unfair. now what? i am not criticizing parents who have done it for the right reasons, being in the best interest of the child, but i can't believe some parents that do it to give their child an advantage academically and physically.

[Anonymous]

I don't think most parents hold their boys back.
Schools need to get a grip and adjust to boys.
Parents need to stop comparing their sons to girls. Yes their are gender differences.
Every 5 year old is immature and will cry like a "baby" at times.

[Anonymous]

This is a sore subject for me too- there is a trend to hold boys in particular back but to make sure they are the largest (sports OR socially- but then if you're short- you're short) and one more year of shoving academia so they go into advanced classes. If this area continues this way- everyone will be 21 by the time they go to college. Asking for 'readiness" around here is relative- since EVERY preschool is comparing to the boys that are a year older than they should be for their grade. It's a known fact- so - the bar is higher. But is your child really ready? most likely YES. I was a Dec baby and I was one of the youngest in my class. Did it matter? NO! The only thing is I couldn't take driver's ed when everyone else could- but who cares.

I think this trend of doing this- and the excessive workload is going to drive our kids into some major issues.