Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position

[Anonymous]

Do not give the loan, it would be encouraging/rewarding poor decision making.

Besides you won't get the money back.

[Anonymous]

I would consider spending 6k on my cat if I thought the surgery was a permanent cure and my cat would have a good quality of life afterwards. I probably wouldn't give a family member 6k for a vet surgery though. Pet owners shouldn't have pets if they can't afford them. I also dislike the notion that I have to pay for everything just because I have money. I am not an ATM machine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now I feel really sorry for the OP's SIL. The woman had less than 6k in savings, but the cat meant so much to her that she spent it all to save it. What if her disability means she won't ever have a family, or get married? She must have felt so ashamed and small to have to ask her brother, with his wife and family, for money to save her cat.

I have a family member like that and I have to force my kids to be cordial to him, and I pray he doesn't know it. Life is really short, people, and love is not distributed evenly in this world. What if the only thing you had and would ever have to love was a cat, and you knew it?

If she had set up a GoFundMe, I would have contributed more than $50.

Suuure you would

I donated much more than 6k to charity sources last year. I feel sorry for you that you cannot contemplate or consider giving to help others who are less fortunate. I hope I am never the kind of stingy, materialistic person who hoards resources for myself and sneers in incredulity at others who choose to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would consider spending 6k on my cat if I thought the surgery was a permanent cure and my cat would have a good quality of life afterwards. I probably wouldn't give a family member 6k for a vet surgery though. Pet owners shouldn't have pets if they can't afford them. I also dislike the notion that I have to pay for everything just because I have money. I am not an ATM machine.

+1. We spent around the same amount for our dog when he had cancer. It only prolonged his life by a few months and only prolonged his suffering. If I had to do it over, I would have put him to sleep earlier than put him through all that. Regret it to this day and the dog has been dead for 20+ yes.

I would never lend someone 6k for a pet.

[Anonymous]

Just pay the $1,000 on her credit card. Give her money! No need to make it a loan when 1. You can easily afford it and 2. You would become just one more debtor she'd have to pay because she dared to save her beloved cat's life. 3. Clearly, this surgery put her in debt. Even at interest free she'll find it difficult to repay. Why not give her a tiny bit of a breather.

You know, I don't think I could sit and watch a family member struggle in this way when I have enough to help her in my back pocket. The $1,000 won't hurt you, but it will help her a great deal. So why not? Just make it clear to her that's all you're giving.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the whole thread, but my perspective is that it is rude, and certainly putting you in an awkward situation.

I'm not a pet owner, nor have I been, so it is difficult for me to understand spending this kind of money on an animal. In any case, it's beyond gauche to ask others to fund your animal's surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just pay the $1,000 on her credit card. Give her money! No need to make it a loan when 1. You can easily afford it and 2. You would become just one more debtor she'd have to pay because she dared to save her beloved cat's life. 3. Clearly, this surgery put her in debt. Even at interest free she'll find it difficult to repay. Why not give her a tiny bit of a breather.

You know, I don't think I could sit and watch a family member struggle in this way when I have enough to help her in my back pocket. The $1,000 won't hurt you, but it will help her a great deal. So why not? Just make it clear to her that's all you're giving.

This only works if you're prepared to fund her lifestyle henceforth, PP. She will get into the habit of asking you to be bailed out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just pay the $1,000 on her credit card. Give her money! No need to make it a loan when 1. You can easily afford it and 2. You would become just one more debtor she'd have to pay because she dared to save her beloved cat's life. 3. Clearly, this surgery put her in debt. Even at interest free she'll find it difficult to repay. Why not give her a tiny bit of a breather.

You know, I don't think I could sit and watch a family member struggle in this way when I have enough to help her in my back pocket. The $1,000 won't hurt you, but it will help her a great deal. So why not? Just make it clear to her that's all you're giving.

This only works if you're prepared to fund her lifestyle henceforth, PP. She will get into the habit of asking you to be bailed out.

But it doesn't sound that way. OP's post gives me the impression this was an emergency situation for her SIL. And it is!!!! Whether for self, child or pet, a major lifesaving surgery is a medical emergency. OP doesn't get it b/c she wouldn't do the same for her dog, but I understand that for many, a pet is like a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now I feel really sorry for the OP's SIL. The woman had less than 6k in savings, but the cat meant so much to her that she spent it all to save it. What if her disability means she won't ever have a family, or get married? She must have felt so ashamed and small to have to ask her brother, with his wife and family, for money to save her cat.

I have a family member like that and I have to force my kids to be cordial to him, and I pray he doesn't know it. Life is really short, people, and love is not distributed evenly in this world. What if the only thing you had and would ever have to love was a cat, and you knew it?

If she had set up a GoFundMe, I would have contributed more than $50.

Suuure you would

I donated much more than 6k to charity sources last year. I feel sorry for you that you cannot contemplate or consider giving to help others who are less fortunate. I hope I am never the kind of stingy, materialistic person who hoards resources for myself and sneers in incredulity at others who choose to give.

Wow a whole 6k and you feel morally superior to op. What a humble brag. I feel sorry for you that you gave so little. Despite the fact that you feel like mother Theresa, op is under no obligation to put her hard earned money toward her relative's financial choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now I feel really sorry for the OP's SIL. The woman had less than 6k in savings, but the cat meant so much to her that she spent it all to save it. What if her disability means she won't ever have a family, or get married? She must have felt so ashamed and small to have to ask her brother, with his wife and family, for money to save her cat.

I have a family member like that and I have to force my kids to be cordial to him, and I pray he doesn't know it. Life is really short, people, and love is not distributed evenly in this world. What if the only thing you had and would ever have to love was a cat, and you knew it?

If she had set up a GoFundMe, I would have contributed more than $50.

Suuure you would

I donated much more than 6k to charity sources last year. I feel sorry for you that you cannot contemplate or consider giving to help others who are less fortunate. I hope I am never the kind of stingy, materialistic person who hoards resources for myself and sneers in incredulity at others who choose to give.

Wow a whole 6k and you feel morally superior to op. What a humble brag. I feel sorry for you that you gave so little. Despite the fact that you feel like mother Theresa, op is under no obligation to put her hard earned money toward her relative's financial choices.

You have no idea how much I gave; I never said exactly how much, and I won't. I don't feel morally superior to OP, who is clearly a sensitive and compassionate person or she would not be thinking about this issue at all: if she were as heartless as some posters on here, she wouldn't have posted about the dilemma at all. I do feel disgusted by the people who can't seem to fathom that this poor woman's cat might be the only being in the world she has to love: she's disabled! Your cat dying would make you sad, but her cat dying would be worse, and might emphasize to her that she's disabled and alone. It is more than a cat. As I observed earlier, love is not evenly distributed in this world. Life is really short, and if you have all the love you need, then money shouldn't matter so much, so why not share it with someone who doesn't have the good fortune to have everything that you have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now I feel really sorry for the OP's SIL. The woman had less than 6k in savings, but the cat meant so much to her that she spent it all to save it. What if her disability means she won't ever have a family, or get married? She must have felt so ashamed and small to have to ask her brother, with his wife and family, for money to save her cat.

I have a family member like that and I have to force my kids to be cordial to him, and I pray he doesn't know it. Life is really short, people, and love is not distributed evenly in this world. What if the only thing you had and would ever have to love was a cat, and you knew it?

If she had set up a GoFundMe, I would have contributed more than $50.

Suuure you would

I donated much more than 6k to charity sources last year. I feel sorry for you that you cannot contemplate or consider giving to help others who are less fortunate. I hope I am never the kind of stingy, materialistic person who hoards resources for myself and sneers in incredulity at others who choose to give.

Wow a whole 6k and you feel morally superior to op. What a humble brag. I feel sorry for you that you gave so little. Despite the fact that you feel like mother Theresa, op is under no obligation to put her hard earned money toward her relative's financial choices.

You have no idea how much I gave; I never said exactly how much, and I won't. I don't feel morally superior to OP, who is clearly a sensitive and compassionate person or she would not be thinking about this issue at all: if she were as heartless as some posters on here, she wouldn't have posted about the dilemma at all. I do feel disgusted by the people who can't seem to fathom that this poor woman's cat might be the only being in the world she has to love: she's disabled! Your cat dying would make you sad, but her cat dying would be worse, and might emphasize to her that she's disabled and alone. It is more than a cat. As I observed earlier, love is not evenly distributed in this world. Life is really short, and if you have all the love you need, then money shouldn't matter so much, so why not share it with someone who doesn't have the good fortune to have everything that you have?

You share money with the less fortunate for food and shelter or medical bills not for luxuries like a cat and its $6,000 vet fee.

[Anonymous]

$6,000 could pay for a lot more cats. No way would I pay that for a cat's surgery when you could get several new cats for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now I feel really sorry for the OP's SIL. The woman had less than 6k in savings, but the cat meant so much to her that she spent it all to save it. What if her disability means she won't ever have a family, or get married? She must have felt so ashamed and small to have to ask her brother, with his wife and family, for money to save her cat.

I have a family member like that and I have to force my kids to be cordial to him, and I pray he doesn't know it. Life is really short, people, and love is not distributed evenly in this world. What if the only thing you had and would ever have to love was a cat, and you knew it?

If she had set up a GoFundMe, I would have contributed more than $50.

Suuure you would

I donated much more than 6k to charity sources last year. I feel sorry for you that you cannot contemplate or consider giving to help others who are less fortunate. I hope I am never the kind of stingy, materialistic person who hoards resources for myself and sneers in incredulity at others who choose to give.

Wow a whole 6k and you feel morally superior to op. What a humble brag. I feel sorry for you that you gave so little. Despite the fact that you feel like mother Theresa, op is under no obligation to put her hard earned money toward her relative's financial choices.

You have no idea how much I gave; I never said exactly how much, and I won't. I don't feel morally superior to OP, who is clearly a sensitive and compassionate person or she would not be thinking about this issue at all: if she were as heartless as some posters on here, she wouldn't have posted about the dilemma at all. I do feel disgusted by the people who can't seem to fathom that this poor woman's cat might be the only being in the world she has to love: she's disabled! Your cat dying would make you sad, but her cat dying would be worse, and might emphasize to her that she's disabled and alone. It is more than a cat. As I observed earlier, love is not evenly distributed in this world. Life is really short, and if you have all the love you need, then money shouldn't matter so much, so why not share it with someone who doesn't have the good fortune to have everything that you have?

Omg, the cat isn't even worth 6K! AND she could spend that amount and the cat could die within days. What a stupid thing to put 6K into. And I say this as a pet owner and lover of animals. But dear God sometimes you just have to not be stupid PP. Hell OP should buy a new cat before putting 6K into a sick and ailing one. PP you are so off base on this one.

[Anonymous]

You already know your answer since you feel bad about not giving more so move on.

As for the stupid "just get another for that cost" comments, she must have a strong attachment to the cat. And most pet owners dont see their pets as easily replaceable. I've spent a ludicrous amount of $ to save my dog's life when she fell ill. I'm lucky that I could afford it (may regret it later in life if I fall in hard times) and even luckier that she's still around ; yrs later after knocking on death's door 2x. I wouldn't judge the sil about her wanting to help her pet. It's more of the tackiness to even ask others to help out. This seems to be the wave of the future. It's interesting how times have changed. My parents NEVER spoke of $$ and their situation and still don't, as neither myself or siblings do. Yet it's more common place today to do so and ask for $$. See the GFM thread on Off Topic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$6,000 could pay for a lot more cats. No way would I pay that for a cat's surgery when you could get several new cats for free.

Or, more kindly, put it towards more help for her husband's sister down the road. If the cat means this much to her, she's got to 1) be suffering unimaginably and 2) might well need support later (therapists, socialization group, community connect, a health aide).