Family Member Putting Us in Awkard Position

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are kind of a cold person.

are you kidding?

[Anonymous]

Where does she live?

There's a place in Richmond, VA, called Helping Hands that has discounted prices for surgeries.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to start a Go Fund me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think that giving her $50 for a $6000 surgery is more of a snub than giving nothing at all. If she asks you point blank, just tell her you're really sorry about her cat's illness but that you're not able to contribute to surgery. Do not provide more details.

I kind of agree, but she hadn't told us that it was $6000 when we gave her the money. She said it was "expensive." I was thinking along the lines of $500, maybe $1000. So, we gave her the $50. She later told us that it was $6000. At this point, she's done it. She spent her savings on it and put the rest on a credit card. The only thing I can see doing at this point is to give her an interest free loan for the amount on her credit card. (I don't even know how much that is.)

Why? Why can't you just say, "Julie, I'm really sorry about fluffy, but we can't contribute any more to her surgery."

I would do this to try to be supportive and because credit card debt is stupid. I don't know if it would be insulting though when clearly she just wants us to give her the money.

[Anonymous]

Oh, wow. She already did the surgery? Gosh, I really hope this works for the cat and it lives a long and healthy life. I can't help but feel she's been take advantage of -- that's a lot of money to spend when you are only working part-time.

What does your husband want to do? It's really not appropriate for her to ask friends to foot her vet bill -- that's a good way for to drive friends away.

[Anonymous]

OP here and yes, her cat is more important to her than most pets are to most families but $6000 is A LOT of money. Part of the reason we have the money we have in savings is because we're frugal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think that giving her $50 for a $6000 surgery is more of a snub than giving nothing at all. If she asks you point blank, just tell her you're really sorry about her cat's illness but that you're not able to contribute to surgery. Do not provide more details.

I kind of agree, but she hadn't told us that it was $6000 when we gave her the money. She said it was "expensive." I was thinking along the lines of $500, maybe $1000. So, we gave her the $50. She later told us that it was $6000. At this point, she's done it. She spent her savings on it and put the rest on a credit card. The only thing I can see doing at this point is to give her an interest free loan for the amount on her credit card. (I don't even know how much that is.)

Why? Why can't you just say, "Julie, I'm really sorry about fluffy, but we can't contribute any more to her surgery."

I would do this to try to be supportive and because credit card debt is stupid. I don't know if it would be insulting though when clearly she just wants us to give her the money.

It really sounds like she just wants you to give her the money, rather than even attempt to pay for it herself. That's basically thumbing her nose at the good will you're expressing. You could tell her "We'd be willing to loan you the money to cover the balance, but we would need you to pay it back within [however many months/years are reasonable given her income]" and then if she says anything other than "Oh thank you so much, that would be wonderful!" say, "Well, Julie, I hope you figure it out. Let me know if you reconsider the loan."

[Anonymous]

Have you told her that you would not spend that amount on your own pets?

That little nugget of info should give her a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think that giving her $50 for a $6000 surgery is more of a snub than giving nothing at all. If she asks you point blank, just tell her you're really sorry about her cat's illness but that you're not able to contribute to surgery. Do not provide more details.

I kind of agree, but she hadn't told us that it was $6000 when we gave her the money. She said it was "expensive." I was thinking along the lines of $500, maybe $1000. So, we gave her the $50. She later told us that it was $6000. At this point, she's done it. She spent her savings on it and put the rest on a credit card. The only thing I can see doing at this point is to give her an interest free loan for the amount on her credit card. (I don't even know how much that is.)

Why on earth would you further enable her by giving her an "interest free loan for the amount on her credit card?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think that giving her $50 for a $6000 surgery is more of a snub than giving nothing at all. If she asks you point blank, just tell her you're really sorry about her cat's illness but that you're not able to contribute to surgery. Do not provide more details.

I kind of agree, but she hadn't told us that it was $6000 when we gave her the money. She said it was "expensive." I was thinking along the lines of $500, maybe $1000. So, we gave her the $50. She later told us that it was $6000. At this point, she's done it. She spent her savings on it and put the rest on a credit card. The only thing I can see doing at this point is to give her an interest free loan for the amount on her credit card. (I don't even know how much that is.)

You can't fix stupid.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you just let her pay off her credit card? It's no longer a matter of life and death, the cat has had the surgery already so hopefully she'll be able to keep her companion for a long while. I don't see where you need to get involved any further.

[Anonymous]

I would have personally killed the cat and bought her a new kitten for only $3000.

[Anonymous]

You gave her $50 and you didn't have to. It's her cat, her responsibility.

If you want to give more fine, but you shouldn't feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have personally killed the cat and bought her a new kitten for only $3000.

Is this the same asshole posting all the previous asshole-ish replies?

Shut up!

OP, I see where you're coming from and you have a good heart. But, yeah...the answer should be a gentle no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this the same asshole posting all the previous asshole-ish replies?

No, its not. We've had cats, currently own a dog. Just pointing out that it is a really poor choice to spend $6000 on a cat- especially if you can't afford it. I completely understand the bond between pet and owner. But guess what- death is part of life. SIX GRAND on a cat? You're out of your mind. And without knowing the condition / surgery, I question its quality of life going forward.

My vote is euthanize, mourn, and new kitten.

Call me an asshole if you want but OP's sister is making very bad choices due to emotion.