I can't seem to find other moms who want to go out and have fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not from this area either OP. My husband is though and most of my girlfriends are the wife's of his friends. I have also become friendly with a few neighbors and some of the moms from my sons preschool. I work full time and manage to go out with girlfriends about once, maybe twice a month. My husband and I do host friends and their kids often at our home.

Have you thought of joining a charity organization/junior league type group, college alumni group, sorority alumni group or a moms group at your church/religious organizaiton. These would be the people that you already have something in common with so you could likely make friends.

OP here. Neither myself nor DH is from here, so unfortunately he doesn't have a network of friends here for me to be friends with. He has difficulty making friends too and has not made any friends since we moved here. What do you think your situation would be like if your husband was also new to the area and neither of you knew anyone when you moved here (which is our situation). Also having no local family means we had zero social connections when we moved here, which is really tough.

Joining other types of groups is an option I haven't really explored, though pre-baby I did volunteer a lot and never made any friends through all my volunteer efforts. We are not members of a church right now. But I think a group like the kind you mention would be helpful. I just have to figure out what kind to join.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get. A. Job.

OP here. How is that going to help? When I worked full-time pre-baby I didn't make any co-worker friends. My husband has been working at the same job for many years. He hasn't made any friends with co-workers either. Job does not necessarily equal friends.

Are you the same poster who has started 5 threads on this?!?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also wanted to add that I mainly try to make friends with other newcomers to the area, like myself. I find that usually they are more interested in making friends, and have room in their lives for friends, whereas locals usually have strong social circles already.

However, even trying to make friends with newcomers doesn't work for me as much as I'd like. Recently I tried to make friends with 2 moms in a meetup group I'm a member of, who just moved to the area a month ago, and neither were interested (I invited them to the park with my child and they ignored the invitation).

Basically, I invite moms to do things all the time, and most of the time I am ignored. I don't know why this always happens to me. I'm just not someone who seems like a good potential friend I guess. But I don't know what I'm doing wrong to turn people off so many times. I have made a few friends in the last year, so I know it's not because everyone dislikes me, but I need more friends and I have always found it very hard to make friends (after college. It was easy to make friends in college/grad school).

People just seem to take a disliking to me, I guess. It makes me sad. I'm a nice person, a good mom, a good wife, drama free, a good conversationalist, genuinely interested in others, and just enjoy going out and having fun. Would love to make more friends to go out and have fun times together.

It's just that you reek of desperation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get. A. Job.

OP here. How is that going to help? When I worked full-time pre-baby I didn't make any co-worker friends. My husband has been working at the same job for many years. He hasn't made any friends with co-workers either. Job does not necessarily equal friends.

Are you the same poster who has started 5 threads on this?!?!?!

She won't answer that, I asked the same question. She seems obsessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also wanted to add that I mainly try to make friends with other newcomers to the area, like myself. I find that usually they are more interested in making friends, and have room in their lives for friends, whereas locals usually have strong social circles already.

However, even trying to make friends with newcomers doesn't work for me as much as I'd like. Recently I tried to make friends with 2 moms in a meetup group I'm a member of, who just moved to the area a month ago, and neither were interested (I invited them to the park with my child and they ignored the invitation).

Basically, I invite moms to do things all the time, and most of the time I am ignored. I don't know why this always happens to me. I'm just not someone who seems like a good potential friend I guess. But I don't know what I'm doing wrong to turn people off so many times. I have made a few friends in the last year, so I know it's not because everyone dislikes me, but I need more friends and I have always found it very hard to make friends (after college. It was easy to make friends in college/grad school).

People just seem to take a disliking to me, I guess. It makes me sad. I'm a nice person, a good mom, a good wife, drama free, a good conversationalist, genuinely interested in others, and just enjoy going out and having fun. Would love to make more friends to go out and have fun times together.

It's just that you reek of desperation.

Inviting someone to do something equals reeking of desperation? If someone invited me to do something I'd be thrilled, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that they are desperate to make a friend.

If I get the sense that they are not interested, or they just ignore my invitation, then I move on. Desperation, to me, is someone who would keep on inviting over and over and trying to be friendly with someone who has made it clear that they are not interested. That is not me at all.

[Anonymous]

If she is the same poster, a lot of people suggested counseling to see how her interpersonal skills are doing...

[Anonymous]

OP here. Not the same poster, but I am in counseling for this issue, but my therapist told me she could not help me with this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not from this area either OP. My husband is though and most of my girlfriends are the wife's of his friends. I have also become friendly with a few neighbors and some of the moms from my sons preschool. I work full time and manage to go out with girlfriends about once, maybe twice a month. My husband and I do host friends and their kids often at our home.

Have you thought of joining a charity organization/junior league type group, college alumni group, sorority alumni group or a moms group at your church/religious organizaiton. These would be the people that you already have something in common with so you could likely make friends.

OP here. Neither myself nor DH is from here, so unfortunately he doesn't have a network of friends here for me to be friends with. He has difficulty making friends too and has not made any friends since we moved here. What do you think your situation would be like if your husband was also new to the area and neither of you knew anyone when you moved here (which is our situation). Also having no local family means we had zero social connections when we moved here, which is really tough.

Joining other types of groups is an option I haven't really explored, though pre-baby I did volunteer a lot and never made any friends through all my volunteer efforts. We are not members of a church right now. But I think a group like the kind you mention would be helpful. I just have to figure out what kind to join.

It sounds like between you and your husband, you are the social one. I think in that case you are going to need to be the social organizer.. arrange the lunches/dinners out etc. Maybe set it up on the same night of the week once a month with plenty of time for other to arrange childcare etc. Tell your friends to invite a friend also. Maybe you will become friends with one of your existing friends, friends. If others can't necessarily go out (because of childcare etc) set it up at your house, let all the kids play, mommies relax etc.

Do you and your husband host parties for the friends you do have? Cookouts, wine tastings, holiday parties etc. If you want to be social sometimes it involves including the husbands and kids.

Also, I think most women only have 3 or 4 friends that they actually spend time with on a regular basis. Gone are the days of 20 girlfriends that all get together at the drop of a hat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not from this area either OP. My husband is though and most of my girlfriends are the wife's of his friends. I have also become friendly with a few neighbors and some of the moms from my sons preschool. I work full time and manage to go out with girlfriends about once, maybe twice a month. My husband and I do host friends and their kids often at our home.

Have you thought of joining a charity organization/junior league type group, college alumni group, sorority alumni group or a moms group at your church/religious organizaiton. These would be the people that you already have something in common with so you could likely make friends.

OP here. Neither myself nor DH is from here, so unfortunately he doesn't have a network of friends here for me to be friends with. He has difficulty making friends too and has not made any friends since we moved here. What do you think your situation would be like if your husband was also new to the area and neither of you knew anyone when you moved here (which is our situation). Also having no local family means we had zero social connections when we moved here, which is really tough.

Joining other types of groups is an option I haven't really explored, though pre-baby I did volunteer a lot and never made any friends through all my volunteer efforts. We are not members of a church right now. But I think a group like the kind you mention would be helpful. I just have to figure out what kind to join.

OP, I am not from here, and DH is, but his family is rather antisocial. Meaning, his family has few friends, and so does he. Which is puzzling to people like you and me. I stay in touch with my friends from over the years, and we always pick up where we left off, as if no time had passed. It's pretty amazing, and I consider it a gift, since most people I meet here do not seem to have that. As for this area, I would suggest letting your children pick their own friends, because often, their parents have much in common with you. Not always, but often. This place is not generally a friendly place, as people are too involved in their own pissing contests. Keep in mind, there are more people not from here, than who are; and more happy and accomplished people than not, which some might see a s a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not the same poster, but I am in counseling for this issue, but my therapist told me she could not help me with this issue.

That makes no sense, if you're in counseling for that issue and the counselor can't help, then see someone else. Or maybe a life coach?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not the same poster, but I am in counseling for this issue, but my therapist told me she could not help me with this issue.

That makes no sense, if you're in counseling for that issue and the counselor can't help, then see someone else. Or maybe a life coach?

Agree

[Anonymous]

I know. Every conversation with a mom are about kids.
I love to talk to my single friends but they don't like to talk to me because they think my momhood has taken over. I have plenty of time.
For every party you go to, you meet 1 other person you think you will click with but the kids are so different in age that one mom always say forget it because they put their kids first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get. A. Job.

OP here. How is that going to help? When I worked full-time pre-baby I didn't make any co-worker friends. My husband has been working at the same job for many years. He hasn't made any friends with co-workers either. Job does not necessarily equal friends.

I've been reading this thread with an open mind, but now I think you've lost me. I hate to say it- but it's you. Something about your personality has to be turning people off. Once you mentioned not making co worker friends when you worked full time, I thought...it's her personality. I've hated many places where I've worked...but I've always come away with at least 1 friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get. A. Job.

OP here. How is that going to help? When I worked full-time pre-baby I didn't make any co-worker friends. My husband has been working at the same job for many years. He hasn't made any friends with co-workers either. Job does not necessarily equal friends.

I've been reading this thread with an open mind, but now I think you've lost me. I hate to say it- but it's you. Something about your personality has to be turning people off. Once you mentioned not making co worker friends when you worked full time, I thought...it's her personality. I've hated many places where I've worked...but I've always come away with at least 1 friend.

Every friend I have made post grad school as been a coworker. Or a friend's coworker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't we see this thread before? It was worded almost exactly like this.

I think so. I have total déjà vu.