I can't seem to find other moms who want to go out and have fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll ask this question. What is wrong with you ? What is wrong with your husband ?

I could go outside right now and make friends with 4 maybe more people on my street if I wanted to. Why ? Because I'm open to being friendly. People stop me in the store, parking lots, ask me for directions or help, talk to me while standing in line at the store, post office. Not once have I ever approached anyone, they approach me.

You give off unfriendly vibes. Both you and your husband. Figure out why and try to change it then you'll have friends galore.

I really doubt you could walk outside and make friends like that... People are probably nice
To you because they want you to leave them alone and walk away from them because you sound aggressive and super obnoxious.

OP. I'm sorry you're having a hard time but I completely empathize. Where do you live? Im in Bethesda and have also had a hard time finding like minded mom friends because most moms work so their free time is spent with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: When my husband was working a lot, I wanted to be with him during any spare time.

That's awesome. OP would like some other friends though, if that's alright with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you'd like to do things on nights/weekends without kids, why not also look for friends who aren't necessarily moms?

-woman without children around your age, who would love to make new friends who actually want to hang out without their kids sometimes

OP here. Yes, this is the next thing I need to try--I will try making friends who aren't moms. I don't need my friends to be moms, but I do think it's going to be somewhat challenging to make friends who aren't moms, because I have limited free time that isn't taken up by kid activities to join additional hobby type groups. For instance, if I was to join a gardening group, it would be hard for me to go to enough meetings/activities to meet women who don't have kids, because I am often taking care of my child on weekends while husband is working.

Plus, I found it next to impossible to make female friends pre-baby. I tried to meet other married women without kids, and even single women, and found that none were interested in being friends (co-workers, meetup groups I joined, etc.) Not sure if I feel like anything would be different now in terms of it being hard to make friends.

But I will try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: When my husband was working a lot, I wanted to be with him during any spare time.

OP here. Well, we have been married a really long time, so we've gotten used to doing our own thing some of the time. Husband has a few sports leagues he is in that he does on the weekends, and I like to go out and socialize with female friends. We each give each other a few nights off each week so that we can do what we want while the other stays home with our child. We don't have any local family to watch our child, and we haven't found a babysitter yet, so we haven't been able to go out and do date nights, which is okay, but I still love to go out and want to go out with female friends. Only I can't find anyone who wants to go out.

I guess I feel like most moms aren't fun. It's like pulling teeth to try to arrange a simple lunch date with another mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: When my husband was working a lot, I wanted to be with him during any spare time.

OP here. Well, we have been married a really long time, so we've gotten used to doing our own thing some of the time. Husband has a few sports leagues he is in that he does on the weekends, and I like to go out and socialize with female friends. We each give each other a few nights off each week so that we can do what we want while the other stays home with our child. We don't have any local family to watch our child, and we haven't found a babysitter yet, so we haven't been able to go out and do date nights, which is okay, but I still love to go out and want to go out with female friends. Only I can't find anyone who wants to go out.

I guess I feel like most moms aren't fun. It's like pulling teeth to try to arrange a simple lunch date with another mom.

I think it depends on where you live. We lived in a NoVA suburb and had lots of trouble meting anyone or making friends. I think the long commutes killed people's desires to do anything outside the home, particularly after work. Moved back into the city and seem to be having an easier time. I'm always looking for new friends that are cool with going out for drinks. I feel like I often tend to meet non-drinkers and I love a good glass of wine.

[Anonymous]

PP, maybe this is neighborhood specific? I know where we live, there are tons of SAHMs. I think young kids are the great ice breaker. I've met other moms at the playground, pool, toddler classes, walking in the neighborhood, etc. and been fortunate enough to click with many of them. Having same age children is often all it takes to hit it off with another mom, and that often (but not always) will lead to a deeper friendship. I'm not quite as eager as you to go out all the time, but I'm up for a girls' night every now and then. I guess I don't really have any advice, other than keep going to the usual places with your child and take note of who seems friendly. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP where do you live? I think that would help me give suggestions!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're already going out once a week, that's pretty good for a parent of a toddler

Just wait until preschool then elementary school, you'll meet a ton more people.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. You basically want to act like a single person, but most other moms are tired and don't want to do that.
What about doing a meet up or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're already going out once a week, that's pretty good for a parent of a toddler

Just wait until preschool then elementary school, you'll meet a ton more people.

+1
I made some of my best friends when my oldest was in preschool (he's now in college!). We formed a very tight-knit group during those early years when we were all in the same boat and have stayed close ever since.

[Anonymous]

Join a meetup for moms and host regular play dates AT YOUR HOUSE. Do it at the same time every week. Limit the number of moms and kids to a comfortable number for the space and for socializing- maybe four or five including you. The same moms will start to show up over and over. You are not the only one who feels this way.

Signed mom of an eight year old who did this and still hangs out with the playgroup moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP where do you live? I think that would help me give suggestions!

I asked this question earlier in the thread but op doesnt seem to want to answer.

[Anonymous]

Part of this is that some people find *not* going out all the time fun. Somewhat insulting to think you view these moms as not fun. Anyway, maybe you could join a church? Or try Meetup.

[Anonymous]

Are you maybe trying too hard to be friends right away and putting people off by pushing to be close too soon?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you'd have better luck making friends if you found a group of people who like the same leisure activities. Do you like to run, climb, row, play softball, or dance? Join a local running or climbing or rowing group, or a softball league, or take a dance class. Do you like to read or knit? Join a bookclub or a knitting circle. Do you like the theater? Volunteer as an usher. That's the best way to meet like minded people with whom to form friendships.