I can't seem to find other moms who want to go out and have fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you'd like to do things on nights/weekends without kids, why not also look for friends who aren't necessarily moms?

-woman without children around your age, who would love to make new friends who actually want to hang out without their kids sometimes

OP here. Yes, this is the next thing I need to try--I will try making friends who aren't moms. I don't need my friends to be moms, but I do think it's going to be somewhat challenging to make friends who aren't moms, because I have limited free time that isn't taken up by kid activities to join additional hobby type groups. For instance, if I was to join a gardening group, it would be hard for me to go to enough meetings/activities to meet women who don't have kids, because I am often taking care of my child on weekends while husband is working.

Plus, I found it next to impossible to make female friends pre-baby. I tried to meet other married women without kids, and even single women, and found that none were interested in being friends (co-workers, meetup groups I joined, etc.) Not sure if I feel like anything would be different now in terms of it being hard to make friends.

But I will try.

OP, it sounds like you have trouble making friends in general, rather than that most moms don't like to have fun or go out. It sounds like you're doing all the right things to meet other moms/friends, but for some reason you are unable to actually develop friendships, and that this was a problem for you even before becoming a mom. Did you have friends before you moved to the area? Did your husband? I don't know enough to guess why you'd have trouble making friends, but from what you've said, it did stand out to me that this is an ongoing problem for you vs. a new issue related to parenthood.

[Anonymous]

OP, where do you live? Is there a reason you are not answering this question after multiple people have asked? Honestly, it could really help you get some good, neighborhood specific advice on good places to meet people.

[Anonymous]

Didn't we see this thread before? It was worded almost exactly like this.

[Anonymous]

Been here almost 10 years, can't find other moms who want to go out either. People are boring.

[Anonymous]

OP should hang out with single moms or women without kids. They are more than happy to go out and have a good time.

Unfortunately, many of the DHs just end up being another child that the DH has to take care of. OP is lucky to have a guy that will watch the child whenever she needs a break.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom, and honestly I have no interest in going out with other moms. I work long hours with a demanding job, tons to do at home, and my down time I'd like to spend with DH and DS. We have friends we socialize with. I really don't need a 'moms' group.

[Anonymous]

When i moved to a new town, i didnt care about making friends or going out.

Why is this important to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: When my husband was working a lot, I wanted to be with him during any spare time.

OP here. Well, we have been married a really long time, so we've gotten used to doing our own thing some of the time. Husband has a few sports leagues he is in that he does on the weekends, and I like to go out and socialize with female friends. We each give each other a few nights off each week so that we can do what we want while the other stays home with our child. We don't have any local family to watch our child, and we haven't found a babysitter yet, so we haven't been able to go out and do date nights, which is okay, but I still love to go out and want to go out with female friends. Only I can't find anyone who wants to go out.

I guess I feel like most moms aren't fun. It's like pulling teeth to try to arrange a simple lunch date with another mom.

How long is a really long time?
17 years for me and i wouldn't call that a really long time.

[Anonymous]

How many threads on this topic have you started?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, maybe this is neighborhood specific? I know where we live, there are tons of SAHMs. I think young kids are the great ice breaker. I've met other moms at the playground, pool, toddler classes, walking in the neighborhood, etc. and been fortunate enough to click with many of them. Having same age children is often all it takes to hit it off with another mom, and that often (but not always) will lead to a deeper friendship. I'm not quite as eager as you to go out all the time, but I'm up for a girls' night every now and then. I guess I don't really have any advice, other than keep going to the usual places with your child and take note of who seems friendly. Good luck!

OP here. Sorry, didn't check back on this thread all evening. I was out having fun!

We live in Sterling in a neighborhood with very few kids, mainly old people. The yards are large, so we think that's why the neighborhood doesn't have a community feel.

We don't have a neighborhood playground or pool. The playground I go to is a 15 minute drive, that's the nicest and closest playground to us. Walking in the neighborhood I rarely see anyone with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you'd have better luck making friends if you found a group of people who like the same leisure activities. Do you like to run, climb, row, play softball, or dance? Join a local running or climbing or rowing group, or a softball league, or take a dance class. Do you like to read or knit? Join a bookclub or a knitting circle. Do you like the theater? Volunteer as an usher. That's the best way to meet like minded people with whom to form friendships.

OP here. I need to do this. I haven't really tried this yet, but would like to this year. I'm in a bunch of mom groups, meetup groups, and these haven't really yielded many friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When i moved to a new town, i didnt care about making friends or going out.

Why is this important to you?

OP here. Making friends and going out are very important to me! I long to feel a sense of community here. Currently I feel like we have zero sense of community. We have no local family so community and friends is very important to us, especially since we've decided to put down roots here.

I love going out. It refreshes me after a long day being a SAHM. I get so bored of the daily grind, going out and socializing with other ladies helps me feel refreshed. I would ideally like to go out twice a week, once during the week and some time on the weekend. My husband is more than happy to be with our son while I'm out because he has his own hobbies that he spends time on too.

I plan a number of ladies only events for some of the moms groups I'm in and no one ever goes. These include dinners out, brunch, pottery painting, movie night, yoga class, mini golf, walks in the park. I plan a variety of events and no one ever RSVPs. No one ever invites me to do anything either. What am I doing wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When i moved to a new town, i didnt care about making friends or going out.

Why is this important to you?

Why is it not important to you? Do you think your lack of desire for friends is normal while the OP is somehow wrong? If so, you might want to reconsider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you'd like to do things on nights/weekends without kids, why not also look for friends who aren't necessarily moms?

-woman without children around your age, who would love to make new friends who actually want to hang out without their kids sometimes

This. Single and childless and don't get to go out enough because my mom friends seem to only want to be friends with other moms now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you'd have better luck making friends if you found a group of people who like the same leisure activities. Do you like to run, climb, row, play softball, or dance? Join a local running or climbing or rowing group, or a softball league, or take a dance class. Do you like to read or knit? Join a bookclub or a knitting circle. Do you like the theater? Volunteer as an usher. That's the best way to meet like minded people with whom to form friendships.

OP here. I need to do this. I haven't really tried this yet, but would like to this year. I'm in a bunch of mom groups, meetup groups, and these haven't really yielded many friendships.

I have the same problem. I tried joining a SAHM group. It was a terrible experience. The moms were very standoffish. I tried joining another group with a number of working moms and had a better experience, but working moms have less time to get together so the group ended up fizzling out. There were never the same moms at any of the meetings so it was hard to develop real friendship. So overall I try and avoid mom groups period now.

Finding good friends sometimes just takes luck. One of my best friends in the area is a former co-worker. We just happened to click really well. But she's the only good friend I've made out of the four years I've lived here. I have a huge group of friends back in my hometown that I knew from college and high school so it's quite a change to go to having few to no friends.