I can't seem to find other moms who want to go out and have fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have friends from childhood or other areas? Maybe you can take an annual trip somewhere fun.

OP here. Sadly, no I don't have friends from other areas besides a few friends from college who are in other states. I like the annual trip idea, I'll see if I can interest my 2 college roomies in that idea. But beyond a few college friends I wasn't able to keep in touch with childhood/high school friends (I wanted to but they weren't interested so we lost touch). I have not been back to my hometown in 15 years (parents moved away). So I don't really have a hometown to visit anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Also wanted to add that I mainly try to make friends with other newcomers to the area, like myself. I find that usually they are more interested in making friends, and have room in their lives for friends, whereas locals usually have strong social circles already.

However, even trying to make friends with newcomers doesn't work for me as much as I'd like. Recently I tried to make friends with 2 moms in a meetup group I'm a member of, who just moved to the area a month ago, and neither were interested (I invited them to the park with my child and they ignored the invitation).

Basically, I invite moms to do things all the time, and most of the time I am ignored. I don't know why this always happens to me. I'm just not someone who seems like a good potential friend I guess. But I don't know what I'm doing wrong to turn people off so many times. I have made a few friends in the last year, so I know it's not because everyone dislikes me, but I need more friends and I have always found it very hard to make friends (after college. It was easy to make friends in college/grad school).

People just seem to take a disliking to me, I guess. It makes me sad. I'm a nice person, a good mom, a good wife, drama free, a good conversationalist, genuinely interested in others, and just enjoy going out and having fun. Would love to make more friends to go out and have fun times together.

[Anonymous]

Get. A. Job.

[Anonymous]

What we do: invite people all the time.. Just email all the people you know with something like "Hey, we're going to Butler's Orchard on Saturday to pick strawberries. We'll be there around 10am. You're welcome to join!"

and even a 10% response rate and you wont' be alone.

Also planning to start this for backyard cookouts.. Just email people to say we're going to be grilling int eh backyard on Saturday, and feel free to stop by. The trick is to ahve these things at a day/time when people are lacking in other options. A lot of families with young kids have nothing to do on Saturdays... whereas most peopel are too tired/busy on a Tuesday evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Also wanted to add that I mainly try to make friends with other newcomers to the area, like myself. I find that usually they are more interested in making friends, and have room in their lives for friends, whereas locals usually have strong social circles already.

However, even trying to make friends with newcomers doesn't work for me as much as I'd like. Recently I tried to make friends with 2 moms in a meetup group I'm a member of, who just moved to the area a month ago, and neither were interested (I invited them to the park with my child and they ignored the invitation).

Basically, I invite moms to do things all the time, and most of the time I am ignored. I don't know why this always happens to me. I'm just not someone who seems like a good potential friend I guess. But I don't know what I'm doing wrong to turn people off so many times. I have made a few friends in the last year, so I know it's not because everyone dislikes me, but I need more friends and I have always found it very hard to make friends (after college. It was easy to make friends in college/grad school).

People just seem to take a disliking to me, I guess. It makes me sad. I'm a nice person, a good mom, a good wife, drama free, a good conversationalist, genuinely interested in others, and just enjoy going out and having fun. Would love to make more friends to go out and have fun times together.

OP, The summary of your post and replies is ' I am very nice, why won't others play with me at a time of my choosing and in a manner of my choosing'?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get. A. Job.

OP here. How is that going to help? When I worked full-time pre-baby I didn't make any co-worker friends. My husband has been working at the same job for many years. He hasn't made any friends with co-workers either. Job does not necessarily equal friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have friends from childhood or other areas? Maybe you can take an annual trip somewhere fun.

OP here. Sadly, no I don't have friends from other areas besides a few friends from college who are in other states. I like the annual trip idea, I'll see if I can interest my 2 college roomies in that idea. But beyond a few college friends I wasn't able to keep in touch with childhood/high school friends (I wanted to but they weren't interested so we lost touch). I have not been back to my hometown in 15 years (parents moved away). So I don't really have a hometown to visit anymore.

There seems to be some truth in the assertion that your problem is not DC specific. It is either a symptom of modern life or your personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What we do: invite people all the time.. Just email all the people you know with something like "Hey, we're going to Butler's Orchard on Saturday to pick strawberries. We'll be there around 10am. You're welcome to join!"

and even a 10% response rate and you wont' be alone.

Also planning to start this for backyard cookouts.. Just email people to say we're going to be grilling int eh backyard on Saturday, and feel free to stop by. The trick is to ahve these things at a day/time when people are lacking in other options. A lot of families with young kids have nothing to do on Saturdays... whereas most peopel are too tired/busy on a Tuesday evening.

OP here. I do pretty much what you are describing in terms of inviting people to meet up with us for an activity/outing we are already planning to do. Occasionally I get a yes response, most of the time a no. But I can keep on trying.

I haven't done much in terms of entertaining at home, but I have noticed that every time we do entertain at home and invite people, almost everyone we invite RSVPs yes. However, I have yet to get any reciprocal invitations, either to their homes or to some activity or outing out. Meaning, they never ask us to join them at the zoo or the park or whatever.

[Anonymous]

It might be that your invitations are too ambitious. I find that it's easier to start small, get to know someone a little better, and then increase how much time you spend with them. I usually start with meeting up at the park, then having a playdate at our house or meeting for a cup of coffee, then suggesting an outing. I don't want to spend all day with someone I just met. I want to get to know you and see how we get along. Or it's too much of a time commitment given all the other stuff they have to do.

Also, if you're inviting a lot of people to a lot of stuff, it might just be too much. It could read as desperate, or they just start to tune you out.

And, frankly, a lot of people don't reciprocate. They have a million and one excuses, but it's just a fact. I've learned to treasure the people who do. And the fact that people like to come to your home means that if you want to make friends, you should do more of this, reciprocation or not. You have to meet people where they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll ask this question. What is wrong with you ? What is wrong with your husband ?

I could go outside right now and make friends with 4 maybe more people on my street if I wanted to. Why ? Because I'm open to being friendly. People stop me in the store, parking lots, ask me for directions or help, talk to me while standing in line at the store, post office. Not once have I ever approached anyone, they approach me.

You give off unfriendly vibes. Both you and your husband. Figure out why and try to change it then you'll have friends galore.

Wait a minute, you might be pre-judging, I mean where do you live? I live in NoVA in a pretty unfriendly/keep to yourself neighborhood - nobody talks to anybody. In fact, my neighbor looks out his windows to wait for me to be inside before he will step out (he's our age).

OP - I found ppl in MD to be much more friendly.

[Anonymous]

Does your kid have other kids that he really enjoys playing with? I would start with the kid as the connection, rather than the mom. If both of your kids seem to get along really well, schedule a playdate indoors at your home, assuming that they live somewhat close-by.

For me, big turnoffs would be having to drive far for a playdate (no more than 10-15 minutes, one way), or doing something with other moms when our kids do not get along.

Also, planning the activities (e.g., the pottery painting) seems like too much effort. I would say no to an RSVP. I would, however, go out for coffee.

Finally, have you considered a playgroup that meets regularly and inviting the moms to go out to lunch afterwards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It might be that your invitations are too ambitious. I find that it's easier to start small, get to know someone a little better, and then increase how much time you spend with them. I usually start with meeting up at the park, then having a playdate at our house or meeting for a cup of coffee, then suggesting an outing. I don't want to spend all day with someone I just met. I want to get to know you and see how we get along. Or it's too much of a time commitment given all the other stuff they have to do.

OP here. This is a good point, and I believe that I do start small, just as you describe. I usually wait until I get to know someone a few times, for example if I meet another mom at a playgroup, I usually wait 4 or 5 playgroups before I suggest getting together and ask for their email address. Is that too soon? And then when I suggest getting together, I don't think I suggest something that's "too much."

For example, I would not ask a new potential friend to meet up with me for ladies night out dinner on a Saturday night. Usually I ask if they would like to join us at a park or playground. A second invitation might be for a mom/kid breakfast or mom only brunch at a restaurant on a weekend. So I think this isn't rushing into things too fast, but maybe other moms think it is.

[Anonymous]

I am not from this area either OP. My husband is though and most of my girlfriends are the wife's of his friends. I have also become friendly with a few neighbors and some of the moms from my sons preschool. I work full time and manage to go out with girlfriends about once, maybe twice a month. My husband and I do host friends and their kids often at our home.

Have you thought of joining a charity organization/junior league type group, college alumni group, sorority alumni group or a moms group at your church/religious organizaiton. These would be the people that you already have something in common with so you could likely make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid have other kids that he really enjoys playing with? I would start with the kid as the connection, rather than the mom. If both of your kids seem to get along really well, schedule a playdate indoors at your home, assuming that they live somewhat close-by.

For me, big turnoffs would be having to drive far for a playdate (no more than 10-15 minutes, one way), or doing something with other moms when our kids do not get along.

Also, planning the activities (e.g., the pottery painting) seems like too much effort. I would say no to an RSVP. I would, however, go out for coffee.

Finally, have you considered a playgroup that meets regularly and inviting the moms to go out to lunch afterwards?

OP here. My child is too young to have friends yet. He's still in the age where he doesn't really notice other kids that much. So really for now the mom connection is most important.

I do think the driving thing can be an issue, although I'm out in the suburbs so driving far distances is somewhat normal.

I am in a weekly playgroup that meets every week. It is in the afternoon though, so lunch wouldn't be an option. Dinner could be an option but I feel like that's too "formal" and would turn people off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's because most moms are busy...
working
taking care of multiple kids
taking care of spouse
cleaning
<insert any number of duties here>

While leaving herself and her happiness last. The reality of it is that there are just not that many moms who have the energy to go out and "have fun," whatever that entails.

It sounds like you'd be better off making friends with single, childless women.

I agree! I am childless and you go out with friends more than I do (and I have several good friends here).