IL's think im rude for writing thank you notes

[Anonymous]

I kind of roll my eyes when I get an engraved thank-you note for something I was amply thanked for in person. Not because it's rude, but because it's more excessive than I'm used to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your ILs are ungracious and uncouth boors. Yokels. Morons.

Philistines. Barbarians. Savages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kind of roll my eyes when I get an engraved thank-you note for something I was amply thanked for in person. Not because it's rude, but because it's more excessive than I'm used to.

Engraved? Goodness!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't object to thank you notes at all, especially for mailed gifts. But I'm confused...

If my kids receive a gift through the mail from grandparents/aunt/uncle/cousin whoever - they should write a thank you note to that relative?

But if my kids send a gift through the mail to their grandparents/aunt/uncle/cousin - they should not expect to receive a thank you note?

Of course they should get a thank you note.

Some of the previous posters seemed to think that the notes weren't necessary for adults but mannerly for kids. I was just wondering the rationale behind that. We've been fortunate to live close to family so it hasn't been an issue.

Those posters are wrong. Good manners are for everyone. I wonder if those posters wrote thank you notes for their wedding gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kind of roll my eyes when I get an engraved thank-you note for something I was amply thanked for in person. Not because it's rude, but because it's more excessive than I'm used to.

Engraved? Goodness!

Look. There is a class of people out there that were simply raised to always have a box of engraved notecards at their writing table. I have a box with 300 on my table right now. They aren't doing it to impress you--they just reflexively do this as naturally as saying bless you after someone sneezes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised to write thank you notes and made my kids do it for many years -- For example, we would open Christmas gifts at grandma's house, with lots of verbal thanks, and I would be writing down everything the kids received so that they could write a note when they got back home. Somewhere along the way, I stopped making them write notes if they opened a gift in person, with thanks given in person. Maybe I just got lazy, but I think it has something to do with how the notes grandma writes make me feel -- as others have mentioned, no matter how "folksy" she writes them, they leave me cold, with an overly-formal, stilted, distant, and obligatory feel. And this is going to sound awful and I'm not sure why it is the case, but I find writing them to be such a chore, that often I would prefer never to have received the gift rather than have to write a note.... I still stress thank you notes in certain situations (we write notes to grandma for birthday gifts received in the mail, for things like making a special trip to see one of the grandchildren, etc.).... I don't know, I was just thinking about this in the last few days, thinking maybe I should make us all write grandma notes again. Although they have a pretentious feel to me coming from a very close family member, she clearly believes in them and so presumably appreciates (and expects) them.

Thank-you notes aren't necessary if you opened the gift in front of the giver and thanked them in person (showers aside). Thank-you notes are a substitute for thanking someone in person. The point is to make sure that you acknowlege receipt of the gift and express gratitude--in-person is best, but if you can't, you write a note.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kind of roll my eyes when I get an engraved thank-you note for something I was amply thanked for in person. Not because it's rude, but because it's more excessive than I'm used to.

Engraved? Goodness!

Look. There is a class of people out there that were simply raised to always have a box of engraved notecards at their writing table. I have a box with 300 on my table right now. They aren't doing it to impress you--they just reflexively do this as naturally as saying bless you after someone sneezes.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me it's a formal thing to do. Sending thank you notes to close relatives seems like you're telling them you're not really that close.

That is really dumb. I took the time to write you a thank you note, stamp it and mail it, so that means I do not feel close to you. How in the world does that even begin to make sense???

If I felt close to you, I would take the time to call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kind of roll my eyes when I get an engraved thank-you note for something I was amply thanked for in person. Not because it's rude, but because it's more excessive than I'm used to.

Engraved? Goodness!

Look. There is a class of people out there that were simply raised to always have a box of engraved notecards at their writing table. I have a box with 300 on my table right now. They aren't doing it to impress you--they just reflexively do this as naturally as saying bless you after someone sneezes.

This.

Lol, I think the pps have different meaning of engraved. PP might have thought you meant engraved, like on metal, but I think you mean engraved like embossed paper cards right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kind of roll my eyes when I get an engraved thank-you note for something I was amply thanked for in person. Not because it's rude, but because it's more excessive than I'm used to.

Engraved? Goodness!

Look. There is a class of people out there that were simply raised to always have a box of engraved notecards at their writing table. I have a box with 300 on my table right now. They aren't doing it to impress you--they just reflexively do this as naturally as saying bless you after someone sneezes.

This.

I'm the eye roller and I have a box of engraved Crane's stationery I bought 20 years ago when I was married. I use it for thank you notes and condolence cards. But I don't haul it out to thank someone who I already thanked in person.