NCS and St. Albans misconduct

[Anonymous]

I know this is an "Urban Mom" website, but as a former NCS student who switched schools at the end of high school and recently graduated, I feel like I have at least a bit of insight.
I can't proceed without acknowledging that I was in many ways very privileged in attending the institution and I learned a lot from my teachers and peers. That being said, I still think that there is room to point out the more problematic aspects of these schools, especially considering the amount of pride that administrators feel towards what they view as a "superior" education.
The discussions about the specific sophomore class at STA being particularly bad derails from the conversation. This is not new, and any NCS alum from twenty to 2 years ago could tell you that. I cannot speak to whether this is specific to the Cathedral Schools or not, because I only attended 1 other school for a short period of time. What I can say is that STA nurtures an environment of misogyny to- at best- apathy towards gender issues (and racial issues while we are at it). My STA peers would poke fun at the women who would speak once a year for "diversity day" and saw right through the misguided attempts at harboring dialogue about sexism and rape culture.
At the end of seventh grade at a party (where there was no alcohol and were parent chaperones), a boy my age ran by me and groped my breast. I was pretty shocked, but did not think of it as anything criminal until recently. It had not occurred to me that what he did was "that wrong". I told friends about it too- no one thought it was anything other than weird or awkward. There is an astounding lack of education on consent and how to respond when it has been violated at these schools. I went on to high school where the mixers with objectifying themes and binge drinking were encouraged, and these places are not a safe space for anyone, particularly women. But administrations' version of intervening was to police female attendants' dress codes at these events.
I am appalled by Dr. Pelmas' statement in which she expects that students would come forward to teachers and parents about these acts of sexual aggression when the schools have in the past set of precedent of victim blaming and denying support of any kind, including mental health. I am sure that many of these students, considering that they were 15-16, felt uncomfortable disclosing that they might have been drinking at the parties where the sexual misconduct occurred.
If NCS and STA actually want to institute change, they have to a) acknowledge how widespread of a problem that this is b) create programs starting early on that address rape culture and c) create better support systems so that victims or witnesses who want to come forward feel safe, secure, and not judged.

Like I said, I cannot talk about sexual misconduct at other DC private schools, because I have not attended them. I am sure similar issues come up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems odd that sta posters want to bring up landon during this thread to deflect attention.

Not sure if those posters are STA supporters, but nobody deflects and denies from a scandal better/more frequently/more consistently than Landon parents.

[Anonymous]

PP:

I pity you. You are obsessed with Landon! Hope you were able to sleep last night l

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is an "Urban Mom" website, but as a former NCS student who switched schools at the end of high school and recently graduated, I feel like I have at least a bit of insight.
I can't proceed without acknowledging that I was in many ways very privileged in attending the institution and I learned a lot from my teachers and peers. That being said, I still think that there is room to point out the more problematic aspects of these schools, especially considering the amount of pride that administrators feel towards what they view as a "superior" education.
The discussions about the specific sophomore class at STA being particularly bad derails from the conversation. This is not new, and any NCS alum from twenty to 2 years ago could tell you that. I cannot speak to whether this is specific to the Cathedral Schools or not, because I only attended 1 other school for a short period of time. What I can say is that STA nurtures an environment of misogyny to- at best- apathy towards gender issues (and racial issues while we are at it). My STA peers would poke fun at the women who would speak once a year for "diversity day" and saw right through the misguided attempts at harboring dialogue about sexism and rape culture.
At the end of seventh grade at a party (where there was no alcohol and were parent chaperones), a boy my age ran by me and groped my breast. I was pretty shocked, but did not think of it as anything criminal until recently. It had not occurred to me that what he did was "that wrong". I told friends about it too- no one thought it was anything other than weird or awkward. There is an astounding lack of education on consent and how to respond when it has been violated at these schools. I went on to high school where the mixers with objectifying themes and binge drinking were encouraged, and these places are not a safe space for anyone, particularly women. But administrations' version of intervening was to police female attendants' dress codes at these events.
I am appalled by Dr. Pelmas' statement in which she expects that students would come forward to teachers and parents about these acts of sexual aggression when the schools have in the past set of precedent of victim blaming and denying support of any kind, including mental health. I am sure that many of these students, considering that they were 15-16, felt uncomfortable disclosing that they might have been drinking at the parties where the sexual misconduct occurred.
If NCS and STA actually want to institute change, they have to a) acknowledge how widespread of a problem that this is b) create programs starting early on that address rape culture and c) create better support systems so that victims or witnesses who want to come forward feel safe, secure, and not judged.

Like I said, I cannot talk about sexual misconduct at other DC private schools, because I have not attended them. I am sure similar issues come up.

Thank you for your post. Your honesty and insight is refreshing to see on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NCS and St A are no worse than Maret, WIS, and most other elite privates. Serious issues arise, girls are traumatized, kids get picked up by ambulances from private homes for alcohol poisoning-- and everyone goes to school Monday in silence. Administrators blame parents , parents blame greedy institutions, greedy institutions hire lawyers, parents cower, then the kids end up in college and thanks to such precious grooming the boys intoxicate and rape and the girls feel guilty and the greedy institutions graduate drunk rapists and recruit new victims and perpetrators. The theme?? $$$$$$$$

Oh plllease. You never went to a privy right? Things are not too black and white and is not like that, things are being exaggerated

A "privy"? Pronounced "prive-y", presumably? Not privy?

[Anonymous]

Agreed. This post represents our experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this would happen at Landon with Holton because I don't think the Holton girls or administration would put up with Landon boys talking trash about, and acting out against, Holton peers. I am not saying they don't drink, or go to parties together, or have the ability to be rude, but the Holton girls I know would tell any rude Landon boy off and leave him emasculated. And the dual families would not let their sons mistreat the Holton students.

You're basically blaming NCS students for allowing sexual assaults to happen to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this would happen at Landon with Holton because I don't think the Holton girls or administration would put up with Landon boys talking trash about, and acting out against, Holton peers. I am not saying they don't drink, or go to parties together, or have the ability to be rude, but the Holton girls I know would tell any rude Landon boy off and leave him emasculated. And the dual families would not let their sons mistreat the Holton students.

You're basically blaming NCS students for allowing sexual assaults to happen to them.

So true, and so wrong.

The perennial anti-NCS poster, whose last thread of long diatribes against the school and its leadership, is clearly thrilled to have a new platform. And "Holton Mom" just needs to build up Holton on every thread. But blaming the girls or NCS at all for this is appalling, and anti-feminist.

[Anonymous]

Sorry it is not intended to blame the students. It's blaming the atmosphere set up by adults, however they manage to create an environment that doesn't seem to support speaking out, that focuses on what students are wearing, that looks the other way when bad interactions happen, that ignores that education being provided on serious issues is treated as a joke, that sets up parties where people many years younger than 21 manage to drink to excess. The students have no control over those adults. Their conduct sets the tone for everything that follows.

[Anonymous]

HoyaTerp
12/23/2014 11:09 AM EST [Edited]
Folks - Before we send the entire sophmore class at Saint Albans to reform school, let's put a few things into perspective here. First, an "unwanted sexual advance" in high school (or even in college and beyond) is NOT the same thing as an "unwanted sexual advance" from a co-worker or supervisor in the workplace. Second, depending on the nature of the specific act, itself, an "unwanted sexual advance" probably, in most cases, does not rise to the level of criminal activity (certainly physical assault and/or abuse as part of the unwated sexual advance would be criminal). Although I am certain some on this board will disagree, I would not characterize an adolescent boy's awkward attempt to kiss a girl an illegal or immoral act, but one could certainly call it "an unwanted sexual advance" (and very uncomfortable) from the teenage girl's perspective. Otherwise, we would all be in jail!!! The entertainment industry even created a wonderful television series in the late 80s around the struggles of adolescence called "The Wonder Years".

Hoya Terp: In defense of your son, you're really adding further insult to these girls. I would hardly equate being locked in a closet to The Wonder Years.

These boys are learning the behavior at home and it's reinforced by their cohort. Sad all around.

[Anonymous]

Somebody was locked in a closet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm astonished that the Washington Post ran a story whose news content, basically, was: a National Cathedral School administrator sent a letter, and a St. Albans School administrator also sent a letter. I wouldn't give that an A in reporting.

I think it's newsworthy because it shows how the active "rape culture/victim culture" debate on college campuses filters down to secondary schools. Both the behavior and the social media response to such behavior take on forms that parents and school administrators may not have expected. Here, it's pretty clear that what happened is that the "Google doc" created by the NCS students became the equivalent of a very large wall on a bathroom stall, where girls accused boys and boys shamed girls.

I think the administrators at both schools were right to step in, and that their messages to parents were appropriate. In the future, they need to give more thought to how NCS and St. A's students can appropriately collaborate on such topics and, of course, counsel them on the appropriate use of social media and Google docs.

It's not filtering down. It's incubating and being practiced at the private schools and they are taking their sick practices with them to college.

+1

And you don't think the behavior incubates and festers at public schools too and taken to college? You need to get your head out of the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this would happen at Landon with Holton because I don't think the Holton girls or administration would put up with Landon boys talking trash about, and acting out against, Holton peers. I am not saying they don't drink, or go to parties together, or have the ability to be rude, but the Holton girls I know would tell any rude Landon boy off and leave him emasculated. And the dual families would not let their sons mistreat the Holton students.

Apparently, you aren't aware of the fantasy sex league crated by Landon boys referencing Holton girls as 'slam pigs' and spoke of some female patents as 'cougars.'

[Anonymous]

Which class at Landin did that? Are they also the current sophomores? Maybe that's a bad year in boyland.
-worried mother of girls

[Anonymous]

The Landon business happened a few years ago. It was very ugly. But, this thread is about NCS and STA. I'm a concerned NCS parent and I'd like to understand what's going on in those schools now.