NCS and St. Albans misconduct

[Anonymous]

This issue --and other issues--must be openly addressed by NCS. To ignore or shame girls and their families isn't working. This is now a very damaging problem made worse by lack of leadership and involvement. The Board needs to provide leadership because the administration clearly can't or won't do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The pushback from some boys was prompted by a perception that some girls were skewing or repackaging the facts.

"She is fat so of course she will be groped" is what I heard the comment was. Do you consider this pushback? What facts were repackaged? The boys comment doesn't seem to address a false accusation. You are sugar coating this into they are both to blame or its just a discussion . It is harassment.

[Anonymous]

Sta families are so hypercritical ... You are the first to attack a school when an elleged scandal or episode of bad behavior hits a school but can't take the heat when it is thrown back in your face....

I guess STA kids are not gods gift after all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:19:59, those are all very fair points, and I suspect most of us here have experienced similar behavior as teens. But when we discuss the matter that started this thread, I tend to think we're dealing with something more malignant. The NCS girls who created the document clearly were trying to address STA behavior they considered beyond the norm of high school behavior. And the way the schools addressed it, and their descriptions of the STA activities, clearly suggests there was something more serious than awkward high school fumblings.

No. They did not "suggest there was something more serious than awkward high school fumbling".

Yes they did. You don't have to take my word for it. You can read the school-wide letters circulated by both NCS and STA. Those letters were carefully crafted to avoid giving out details, but even their plain vanilla descriptions make clear that some serious allegations were leveled. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/local/wp/2014/12/22/two-private-schools-review-accounts-of-unwanted-sexual-advances/

"... anecdotal information about negative social and sexual experiences ..."

"... detailed descriptions of unwanted sexual advances at parties, of inappropriate sexual comments, and of sexual and social behaviors that our schools do not condone."

"... many of the described behaviors are reported to have occurred at people’s homes. Do not serve alcohol to minors; always be present and involved when your daughter hosts a party; do not let your daughter attend parties at homes where alcohol is served, or where the parents will not monitor the party closely; call the parents of the hosting student before the party to find out whether and how the party will be chaperoned and how students will be kept safe."

"We are deeply disturbed by the allegations made in the document and by the responses that appear to have been made by our students. We extend our compassion to any student who has been hurt or insulted."

"... raises worrisome questions about the relations between girls and boys on the Close."

That sure doesn't sound like "awkward high school fumbling" to me. If this is how the school administrations - likely looking to minimize the issues, not sensationalize them - describe what happened, then you can be sure it was even more serious in reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The pushback from some boys was prompted by a perception that some girls were skewing or repackaging the facts.

They were angry they had been called out. Thus far, their bad behavior has gone unchecked at home and at school. Add that to their privilege and wealth and that rarely turns out well for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Best thing to do to stop this behavior is to merge the schools into a single co-ed school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: You don't have to take my word for it. You can read the school-wide letters circulated by both NCS and STA. Those letters were carefully crafted to avoid giving out details, but even their plain vanilla descriptions make clear that some serious allegations were leveled. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/local/wp/2014/12/22/two-private-schools-review-accounts-of-unwanted-sexual-advances/
"... anecdotal information about negative social and sexual experiences ..."

"... detailed descriptions of unwanted sexual advances at parties, of inappropriate sexual comments, and of sexual and social behaviors that our schools do not condone."

"... many of the described behaviors are reported to have occurred at people’s homes. Do not serve alcohol to minors; always be present and involved when your daughter hosts a party; do not let your daughter attend parties at homes where alcohol is served, or where the parents will not monitor the party closely; call the parents of the hosting student before the party to find out whether and how the party will be chaperoned and how students will be kept safe."

"We are deeply disturbed by the allegations made in the document and by the responses that appear to have been made by our students. We extend our compassion to any student who has been hurt or insulted."

"... raises worrisome questions about the relations between girls and boys on the Close."

That sure doesn't sound like "awkward high school fumbling" to me. If this is how the school administrations - likely looking to minimize the issues, not sensationalize them - describe what happened, then you can be sure it was even more serious in reality.

This doesn't sound like an administration that's ignoring the problem, either.

[Anonymous]

Unless any of us see the actual Google doc or know for certain what was said/done, it's ridiculolus to criticize either school at this point.

[Anonymous]

I guess we can better judge whether or not the administrations are ignoring the problem when we see what concrete steps they take once the new year begins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes thank you. Neither the NCS middle school head nor the STA admin were interested even when we suggested that the boys were committing criminal acts and should at least be informed that it was not at all a joke to be doing that.
No axe to grind here. Just wanted my child to be able to attend a middle school dance without coarse behavior.

Having met the STA Lower School Head, I highly question (a) the veracity of the account; and (b) that if the alleged (disgusting and harrassing) acts did occur, that he was notified. The Lower School is not slow to take disciplinary action from what I have seen. Thus has the air of an apocryphal story or at a minimum of wild exaggeration. The poster writing about it has the same style/diction of a poster who got an NCS thread shut down after the mods concluded the thread had been taken over by a single individual with a "vendetta" (moderators' word). Any time people try to have a substantive, reasoned discussion about these particular schools (and some real issues) she throws bombs in and makes reasoned discussion impossible. I can accept that this sounds paranoid but her to e, spelling/grammar, and writing style are actually pretty distinctive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless any of us see the actual Google doc or know for certain what was said/done, it's ridiculolus to criticize either school at this point.

I think you're erecting a false barrier to criticism. We know the STA administration was "deeply disturbed" by what these STA boys were alleged to have done, and we know STA is confronting "worrisome questions" about how students relate to one another. So it seems some criticism of the STA boys is warranted. Whether or not criticism of the STA and NCS administrations is warranted depends on how the administrations respond to this situation.

[Anonymous]

Here's the letter NCS sent out, followed by the text of a STA email dated December 19th.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/local/wp/2014/12/22/two-private-schools-review-accounts-of-unwanted-sexual-advances/

You all should actually read them before judging. They don't sound uninvolved or unconcerned to me, and December 19th was actually a while back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The pushback from some boys was prompted by a perception that some girls were skewing or repackaging the facts.

From the letters of STA and their forthright apology, the boys seemed to have engaged in cyberbullying, not "pushback." The STA Head met with an entire grade -- that's extraordinary and strongly argues that the statements/posts by some boys were extreme. Others in that community have said that this particular grade has a history of misusing social media. They're still young - there's a reason the word "sophomoric" means what it does -- but I would hate to see people try to give cyber-bullying a pass when their scho convened a meeting with them and said, to quote the letter, "this must stop."

With that said, I do agree with the very reasoned post by the person who referenced sibling interactions and reminded us of the mistakes of painful adolescence when it comes to learning to deal with sexual feelings/desires etc. the schools themselves have said that there's a lot of work and education (including parenting) to be done to improve the environment.

In the end, this started because students in a class pursued change. They also asked adults in their community (NCS) for help. NCS talked to STA, which met with its students, and both schools were very up front in informing parents in the particular grade at issue. (For which they were "rewarded" by a leak to the Media, but oh well, right?!). As an outside observer, without the history (or baggage) that many seem to have, I would say that this might be a painful way to start a productive process.

[Anonymous]

I'm a former NCS student, and when I was in Upper School, we had to go to several talks about how to avoid sexual assault (the gist of which was always to stay in a group, not get drunk, not look too slutty). These talks often involved graphic discussions of case studies where girls had had their drinks spiked and been date raped. We had workshops on consent too, condescending as they may have been. The STA boys never had to do anything like this. We asked the counselors and the administration several times whether the boys could be included--we though it would be beneficial for them to actually learn something about what girls have to deal with. The response was always, "We have no control over the STA curriculum; just be patient and maybe they'll change someday." It sounds to me like the current sophomores are tired of being patient. Obviously they want accountability for sexism they've already borne the brunt of, but what girls in my grade wanted more than anything else, and what I would assume these girls probably want too, is for STA to take charge of making sure its students know what's acceptable and what isn't. The STA administration turned a blind eye then, NCS always claimed it was powerless, and by refusing to investigate the claims and forcing the girls to shut down the google doc, the NCS administration is denying its students the ability to take matters into their own hands now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes thank you. Neither the NCS middle school head nor the STA admin were interested even when we suggested that the boys were committing criminal acts and should at least be informed that it was not at all a joke to be doing that.
No axe to grind here. Just wanted my child to be able to attend a middle school dance without coarse behavior.

Having met the STA Lower School Head, I highly question (a) the veracity of the account; and (b) that if the alleged (disgusting and harrassing) acts did occur, that he was notified. The Lower School is not slow to take disciplinary action from what I have seen. Thus has the air of an apocryphal story or at a minimum of wild exaggeration. The poster writing about it has the same style/diction of a poster who got an NCS thread shut down after the mods concluded the thread had been taken over by a single individual with a "vendetta" (moderators' word). Any time people try to have a substantive, reasoned discussion about these particular schools (and some real issues) she throws bombs in and makes reasoned discussion impossible. I can accept that this sounds paranoid but her to e, spelling/grammar, and writing style are actually pretty distinctive.

I am not sure who posted this but my husband and I reported this to one of the StA deans who we knew on a personal basis and he said no action was warranted . It occurred at a Middle School NCS dance so we did not speak with the StA lower school head. We have no vendetta. We are reporting something that happened.