For married couples with children that split the bills 50/50...

[Anonymous]

Married for five years, one kid and one more on the way. Never had anything shared financially - separate checking accounts, separate saving vehicles. I make more money. We have an agreement on who pays for what, and we each pay what we agreed. All my savings are through my retirement and pension plan at work, and I don't see why it has to be shared. If we are together when I retire, we'll both use it. If not, then not.

We have one joint credit card but he uses it only for house-related purposes and emergencies, and I usually pay the bill, and if it has something to do with a non-house thing, I'll ask for a contribution. It works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We aren't very well organized, but we still keep things separate since we had kids except for one joint checking account. We split the mortgage and take turns paying the daycare bill bi-weekly. Sometimes I pay a few times in a row or he does, but whatever. We don't keep track much. Then we each pay certain bills. I pay cable/internet, BGE, groceries & water bill. DH pays phone bill, pays when we eat out or go out, and puts whats left in savings (he makes more). I spend most of my salary on paying bills and buying stuff we need and DH pays what is needed and throws the remainder in savings. Our savings seems to build up faster this way.

Is it a shared savings? if not, you are definitely getting the short end of the stick!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm sorry that SAHMs in particular are so touchy on this subject. Perhaps there's some jealousy over the realization that not every wife has to go to her husband and seek his approval on every dime spent.

There are lots of wives who don't have to ask their husband's approval in every dime spent even when the finances are joint.
- one of them

I am a SAH mom and have been for almost 20 years. I work-part time now that our kids are older, but only about 15 hours a week. Everything we have has always been joint. I have never had to seek my DH's approval to spend money. He probably couldn't even tell you the name of our bank. He definitely couldn't tell you how much we have in our checking account. I manage all of our money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this to be more common in the NE. The women tend to work outside the home and they spend less time and money on grooming.

What the hell does grooming have to do with separate accounts?

I find it odd that on a board supposedly filled with "progressive" women, so many posters are bothered by others having a bit of separate money. Some of you are spending a lot of time telling other couples why they're wrong. This arrangement works for a lot of people. You act like we're talking about plural marriage here--"shocking," "bizarre," "complicated." Yeah....this is none of those things.

BTW, just speaking for myself, but if DH it I couldn't work, or one of us wanted to SAHP, we'd live off one income just like every other couple. The unemployed one wouldn't be busking in front of Verizon Center to come up with haircut money.

My god.

All to often, unemployed, usually the mother, wouldn't get retirement, SS, etc., all the while taking a hit on her market value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this to be more common in the NE. The women tend to work outside the home and they spend less time and money on grooming.

What the hell does grooming have to do with separate accounts?

I find it odd that on a board supposedly filled with "progressive" women, so many posters are bothered by others having a bit of separate money. Some of you are spending a lot of time telling other couples why they're wrong. This arrangement works for a lot of people. You act like we're talking about plural marriage here--"shocking," "bizarre," "complicated." Yeah....this is none of those things.

BTW, just speaking for myself, but if DH it I couldn't work, or one of us wanted to SAHP, we'd live off one income just like every other couple. The unemployed one wouldn't be busking in front of Verizon Center to come up with haircut money.

My god.

All to often, unemployed, usually the mother, wouldn't get retirement, SS, etc., all the while taking a hit on her market value.

How would one not receive her retirement/401K or SS (albeit minimal) if she worked for a number of years? Or what are you referring to, exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm sorry that SAHMs in particular are so touchy on this subject. Perhaps there's some jealousy over the realization that not every wife has to go to her husband and seek his approval on every dime spent.

There are lots of wives who don't have to ask their husband's approval in every dime spent even when the finances are joint.
- one of them

I am a SAH mom and have been for almost 20 years. I work-part time now that our kids are older, but only about 15 hours a week. Everything we have has always been joint. I have never had to seek my DH's approval to spend money. He probably couldn't even tell you the name of our bank. He definitely couldn't tell you how much we have in our checking account. I manage all of our money.

The SAHM moms in this thread who have objected to the above sentiment are all ones who clearly handle the bulk of the family's banking and finances.

To me it's just incredibly reactionary for anyone--woman or man--in the 21st century to willingly give up control of at least some portion of their earnings. While it's nice to be dewy-eyed that marriages last forever, it's just crazy to not have some level of protection of some amount of your own pay (apart from retirement savings) from your own job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married for five years, one kid and one more on the way. Never had anything shared financially - separate checking accounts, separate saving vehicles. I make more money. We have an agreement on who pays for what, and we each pay what we agreed. All my savings are through my retirement and pension plan at work, and I don't see why it has to be shared. If we are together when I retire, we'll both use it. If not, then not.

We have one joint credit card but he uses it only for house-related purposes and emergencies, and I usually pay the bill, and if it has something to do with a non-house thing, I'll ask for a contribution. It works for us.

It is this attitude that I find disturbing in a marriage. If you are making decisions jointly for the good of the family, one partner may take a financial hit for the good of the fame and it will make sense. If at the end of the day the marriage does not work out and the attitude is all retient and savings are mine because I made more, that does not address the joint decision making. If, on the other hand, all decisions are every man or woman for herself, well that is not much of a marriage now is it. That is roommates that are raising kids together. This is about more than separate bank accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It is this attitude that I find disturbing in a marriage. If you are making decisions jointly for the good of the family, one partner may take a financial hit for the good of the fame and it will make sense. If at the end of the day the marriage does not work out and the attitude is all retient and savings are mine because I made more, that does not address the joint decision making. If, on the other hand, all decisions are every man or woman for herself, well that is not much of a marriage now is it. That is roommates that are raising kids together. This is about more than separate bank accounts.

What are you, 12?

[Anonymous]

Lame and setting selves up for divorce.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm sorry that SAHMs in particular are so touchy on this subject. Perhaps there's some jealousy over the realization that not every wife has to go to her husband and seek his approval on every dime spent.

There are lots of wives who don't have to ask their husband's approval in every dime spent even when the finances are joint.
- one of them

I am a SAH mom and have been for almost 20 years. I work-part time now that our kids are older, but only about 15 hours a week. Everything we have has always been joint. I have never had to seek my DH's approval to spend money. He probably couldn't even tell you the name of our bank. He definitely couldn't tell you how much we have in our checking account. I manage all of our money.

The SAHM moms in this thread who have objected to the above sentiment are all ones who clearly handle the bulk of the family's banking and finances.

To me it's just incredibly reactionary for anyone--woman or man--in the 21st century to willingly give up control of at least some portion of their earnings. While it's nice to be dewy-eyed that marriages last forever, it's just crazy to not have some level of protection of some amount of your own pay (apart from retirement savings) from your own job.

+1

There have plenty of threads here about one partner screwing over the other, and how OP is so shocked and floored and unprepared. can't leave because she can't afford it.
Fuck that. I'm not getting caught with my head in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren't very well organized, but we still keep things separate since we had kids except for one joint checking account. We split the mortgage and take turns paying the daycare bill bi-weekly. Sometimes I pay a few times in a row or he does, but whatever. We don't keep track much. Then we each pay certain bills. I pay cable/internet, BGE, groceries & water bill. DH pays phone bill, pays when we eat out or go out, and puts whats left in savings (he makes more). I spend most of my salary on paying bills and buying stuff we need and DH pays what is needed and throws the remainder in savings. Our savings seems to build up faster this way.

Is it a shared savings? if not, you are definitely getting the short end of the stick!

Yes it is shared savings. DH makes more & is able to put lots in savings, which is how we saved for the downpaymeng on the house we just bought and are continuing to save for renovations. Since I make less, I don't worry as much about dumping tons into savings and since I do most of the errands/grocery shopping and bill management I pay a lot of the bills. It works for us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm sorry that SAHMs in particular are so touchy on this subject. Perhaps there's some jealousy over the realization that not every wife has to go to her husband and seek his approval on every dime spent.

There are lots of wives who don't have to ask their husband's approval in every dime spent even when the finances are joint.
- one of them

I am a SAH mom and have been for almost 20 years. I work-part time now that our kids are older, but only about 15 hours a week. Everything we have has always been joint. I have never had to seek my DH's approval to spend money. He probably couldn't even tell you the name of our bank. He definitely couldn't tell you how much we have in our checking account. I manage all of our money.

The SAHM moms in this thread who have objected to the above sentiment are all ones who clearly handle the bulk of the family's banking and finances.

To me it's just incredibly reactionary for anyone--woman or man--in the 21st century to willingly give up control of at least some portion of their earnings. While it's nice to be dewy-eyed that marriages last forever, it's just crazy to not have some level of protection of some amount of your own pay (apart from retirement savings) from your own job.

+1

There have plenty of threads here about one partner screwing over the other, and how OP is so shocked and floored and unprepared. can't leave because she can't afford it.
Fuck that. I'm not getting caught with my head in the sand.

Having separate accounts doesn't protect assets in divorce. Now having a job does and maybe that's what you mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm sorry that SAHMs in particular are so touchy on this subject. Perhaps there's some jealousy over the realization that not every wife has to go to her husband and seek his approval on every dime spent.

There are lots of wives who don't have to ask their husband's approval in every dime spent even when the finances are joint.
- one of them

I am a SAH mom and have been for almost 20 years. I work-part time now that our kids are older, but only about 15 hours a week. Everything we have has always been joint. I have never had to seek my DH's approval to spend money. He probably couldn't even tell you the name of our bank. He definitely couldn't tell you how much we have in our checking account. I manage all of our money.

The SAHM moms in this thread who have objected to the above sentiment are all ones who clearly handle the bulk of the family's banking and finances.

To me it's just incredibly reactionary for anyone--woman or man--in the 21st century to willingly give up control of at least some portion of their earnings. While it's nice to be dewy-eyed that marriages last forever, it's just crazy to not have some level of protection of some amount of your own pay (apart from retirement savings) from your own job.

+1

There have plenty of threads here about one partner screwing over the other, and how OP is so shocked and floored and unprepared. can't leave because she can't afford it.
Fuck that. I'm not getting caught with my head in the sand.

Having separate accounts doesn't protect assets in divorce. Now having a job does and maybe that's what you mean.

Having a marital agreement does though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm sorry that SAHMs in particular are so touchy on this subject. Perhaps there's some jealousy over the realization that not every wife has to go to her husband and seek his approval on every dime spent.

There are lots of wives who don't have to ask their husband's approval in every dime spent even when the finances are joint.
- one of them

I am a SAH mom and have been for almost 20 years. I work-part time now that our kids are older, but only about 15 hours a week. Everything we have has always been joint. I have never had to seek my DH's approval to spend money. He probably couldn't even tell you the name of our bank. He definitely couldn't tell you how much we have in our checking account. I manage all of our money.

The SAHM moms in this thread who have objected to the above sentiment are all ones who clearly handle the bulk of the family's banking and finances.

To me it's just incredibly reactionary for anyone--woman or man--in the 21st century to willingly give up control of at least some portion of their earnings. While it's nice to be dewy-eyed that marriages last forever, it's just crazy to not have some level of protection of some amount of your own pay (apart from retirement savings) from your own job.

+1

There have plenty of threads here about one partner screwing over the other, and how OP is so shocked and floored and unprepared. can't leave because she can't afford it.
Fuck that. I'm not getting caught with my head in the sand.

Having separate accounts doesn't protect assets in divorce. Now having a job does and maybe that's what you mean.

It's not about protecting assets, it's about being able to have money in your pocket when you decide to leave or get left, without having to worry that your SO has emptied the joint account.

[Anonymous]

Exactly. Proving my contention that people who insist on separate accounts already have one eye on the exit. They may be wise to do that, but it's still telling.