MIL posted about my pregnancy on facebook without permisson

[Anonymous]

PP d/c who didn't announce my pregnancy poster.

Finally had to tell the ILs because my DH had to take me for the surgery and they had to babysit our toddler. Couldn't play it off and say that I was going to the dentist, for instance.

[Anonymous]

It's not a secret if you tell it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:PP here and I missed that you announced at five weeks. Tsk, tsk. You are in the wrong here for announcing to anyone this early. Ridiculous.

I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I had not told anyone, as we were waiting a full trimester before announcing my pregnancy.

My MIL was beyond angry that she wasn't told of my pregnancy and angrier still to find out that I'd had a miscarriage after the fact. I had to have surgery. So what. It was still easier to deal with associated grief and physical recovery without worrying that my MIL would have told everyone she knew that I was pregnant and then any other personal information regarding the pregnancy.

Why did you tell tem after the fact? That pretty much defeats the purpose of not telling early.

PP and to answer your question, I, or rather my DH, had to tell his parents that I had been pregnant because I had to have emergency surgery (d and c).

. I still don't understand. Why did they need to know? It was a d&c--quit common after miscarriage. Btdt

Not the PP - can you seriously not imagine why the ILs were told when she was having an emergency D&C? Hell, mine wasn't an emergency but any time you're being put to sleep for a procedure it's significant. It may be low risk but it's still a significant procedure. You may have chosen differently but most people share that information with their immediate family.

That kind of defeats the whole "not telling anyone until were safe" tactic and most people? Really, none of my friends told their families about their d&c's precisely because we all knew that families would be hurt by not being told of the pregnancy and they weren't told about the pregnancy because they didn't want to deal with the aftermath of telling about a miscarriage. Kind of circular thought process.

No, it does not.

[Anonymous]

PP and to answer your question, I, or rather my DH, had to tell his parents that I had been pregnant because I had to have emergency surgery (d and c).

I still don't understand. Why did they need to know? It was a d&c--quit common after miscarriage. Btdt

Not the PP - can you seriously not imagine why the ILs were told when she was having an emergency D&C? Hell, mine wasn't an emergency but any time you're being put to sleep for a procedure it's significant. It may be low risk but it's still a significant procedure. You may have chosen differently but most people share that information with their immediate family.


That kind of defeats the whole "not telling anyone until were safe" tactic and most people? Really, none of my friends told their families about their d&c's precisely because we all knew that families would be hurt by not being told of the pregnancy and they weren't told about the pregnancy because they didn't want to deal with the aftermath of telling about a miscarriage. Kind of circular thought process.

You and your friends are different from everyone I know. It's not the miscarriage we have problems telling people about, it's about making people feel like shit because they congratulate you on the pregnancy only to learn that you'd lost the baby. If they didn't know about the pregnancy to begin with, no one has those awkward, often painful, moments. No one in our families were upset that we delayed telling them about my pregnancies - I miscarried at 11 weeks and my ILs took care of our toddler when DH took me for the D&C. That was the first they learned of the pregnancy. I told my mother about it the morning of the D&C.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the others that sending a super adorable photo of your older kid wearing an announcement t-shirt gave your MIL the reasonable expectation that you had, indeed, announced the pregnancy.

But I'm sensing here a bit of a culture divide. OP - seems like you're not really a computer person. Not on FB, and don't see why emailing the photo of your kid in the tshirt would constitute an announcement that can be shared on FB. I think your MIL might be more attuned to online culture than you are - which might be why you're surprised at how this turned out.

It's hard for me to imagine that anyone who spends time on FB, or is part of digital culture, would be surprised to find that an announcement photo shows up online like this.

I don't know if there's an answer. I guess maybe try talking to a friend who spends more time online before you email photos involving sensitive subjects, to make sure that you aren't entering into things with bad expectations?

Either way, congrats on the pregnancy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who are saying you have no right to be upset are crazy! You don't annouce someone else's pregnancy before the parents do.

What, do you set up a google alert to know when they have shared it? You also don't know what the parents are posting. I was waiting to see if my BIL had posted any FB pictures of the baby because I was scared his wife would go bat-sh^t crazy if we posted a picture of our child with their cousin and she had not "released" FB photos of the baby already. I felt like I was dealing with Beyonce's baby or something. Anyway, another cousin mentioned seeing a photo of the baby with our kids and I did a double take because I had not seen any photos of the baby on FB much less with my kids. My thought is that there is probably FB security so I couldn't see the photo (maybe being SIL versus "family" setting) while my photos are open for extended family to see. So in this case, explicit share or don't share on FB is needed because I can't judge by what I see on their site who they have told/shared what info.

[Anonymous]

OP, unfortunately this is mostly on you. You know your inlaws, you already don't have the best relationship with them. If you didn't specifically tell her not to tell anyone, then how is she to know? You were expecting her to read your mind, which I've found through experience, inlaws do very poorly. At least my own ones. We told our parents early on in my pregnancy, but we asked them not to tell anyone. They respected our wishes (not that either one is any sort of tech savvy, and not on facebook).