MIL posted about my pregnancy on facebook without permisson

[Anonymous]

So, my husband told my mil that we were expecting our second child and that I am only about 5 weeks along. We told all of our close family and best friends and that's all. We weren't going to tell anyone else until we were in the 'safe' zone and towards the second trimester. Anyways, my mil posted on Facebook the same day that she was going to be another grandma. She didn't include our names. Then 10 mins later she posted the picture that we sent her to announce the news (a picture of our first son wearing a shirt announcing he's going to be a big brother). My husband hasn't personally posted anything on his FB because we didn't want to so why would she think she should share the news with everyone so early in the pregnancy? She never even asked if she could share the news with anyone else. Not surprised but still. We weren't even going to tell anyone till my first drs appointment but because my morning sickness is so horrible I wasn't going to be able to hide it when I saw his family during a wedding next week. I was pissed off last night and am in tears about all of this. I don't have the greatest relationship with my mil and this just adds the list on why I feel this way about her. Maybe I am just naive about it all and assume that most people know not to say anything till the second trimester especially if the parents don't announce something publicly either. Am I overreacting or did my mil go too far with this one?

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised that you told even her so early and went to the lengths of taking a picture of your son in a big brother shirt.

If you didn't specifically ask her not to tell, you can't be mad at her. Especially with that picture and all--it doesn't seem like something you're trying to keep secret.

[Anonymous]

It was obnoxious of her to post it without clearing it with you, but I also think you should have spelled out that this was NOT to be discussed.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. Unless you told her that you were not planning to share with anyone else and that you wanted her to keep it quiet, there's not much to fault her with.

Should she have asked you first if she could share? Probably. But you didn't explicitly state not to. AND you went through the effort of sending a photo of your child with the t-shirt at 5 weeks, which is really early, even for close family and friends. I could see how she would take that as implied permission to share.

I hope you feel better. It's done. Take a deep breath and move on.

[Anonymous]

Unless you specifically asked her not to tell, you are overreacting, especially since you did the whole "first son in the big brother shirt picture" announcement. That doesn't make it seem like something you're trying to keep quiet -- that's fanfare. I think it would be an easy assumption that you weren't trying to keep this quiet.

And even if she did do this against your wishes, it's frustrating, but it's nothing to be in tears over. I mean, it's annoying, and risky, but I think you might want to consider the role that hormones and morning sickness (ugh - sorry about that, by the way!) are playing in your reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am just naive about it all and assume that most people know not to say anything till the second trimester especially if the parents don't announce something publicly either. Am I overreacting or did my mil go too far with this one?

Yes, I think you are naive and overreacting. Unless he specifically asked her to keep the info private, she doesn't know you want to keep it private. This is especially the case since you sent a photo announcement--that makes it an "ANNOUNCEMENT!" and not just a private announcement, even if you just sent the photo to her. Many of our parents' generation aren't aware of the developing etiquette surrounding Facebook, so I think we have to be more direct with them about our wishes.

I'm sure you're upset, but one good way to look at it: she seems excited about this baby! When we told relatives about our second baby, most were happy, but some people had oddly negative reactions. She seems very much in the former group.

[Anonymous]

DH should be on the phone right now telling her to take it down.

And, lesson learned: Coupled with prior issues, don't make the pregnancy a chance to try to get closer. See her less and tell her less (and last if it is anything important).

She should officially be DH's responsibility now, with discussion between the two of you about what can be shared.

[Anonymous]

People who are saying you have no right to be upset are crazy! You don't annouce someone else's pregnancy before the parents do.

[Anonymous]

I'd have my DH on the phone and ask her to take it down, but it might be too late now that it's been up a while.

When I had my DH we called a bunch of friends and out of nowhere one of them posted a congratulations statement on facebook with all the details. We hadn't had an opportunity to reach everyone yet because of time zones and I was PISSED. I called her and tried to calmly explain that it wasn't her news to share. She took it down.

[Anonymous]

You need to calm down. The world has not ended. Unless you asked MIL to keep it quiet, I don't see how she is in the wrong here. Next time don't share if you don't want the news to spread. Most people are lousy at keeping secrets. But you do need to stop crying about something this silly. Congrats!

[Anonymous]

I understand where you all are coming from. We just wanted a creative way to share the news to our family vs a phone call. We shared the news the day we found out with our first child and she never posted anything. My sister in law is also expecting and for some reason my mil didn't post anything about that until we told her about our pregnancy. We know my sil didn't say anything about keeping quiet either. My husband is annoyed with it all but his mom is so hard headed she won't understand why we only wanted to tell family and not everyone. I just assumed it was proper etiquette that the parents get to announce the pregnancy to everyone when they wanted to... not that grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand where you all are coming from. We just wanted a creative way to share the news to our family vs a phone call. We shared the news the day we found out with our first child and she never posted anything. My sister in law is also expecting and for some reason my mil didn't post anything about that until we told her about our pregnancy. We know my sil didn't say anything about keeping quiet either. My husband is annoyed with it all but his mom is so hard headed she won't understand why we only wanted to tell family and not everyone. I just assumed it was proper etiquette that the parents get to announce the pregnancy to everyone when they wanted to... not that grandparents.

The fact that she has previous grandchildren means she really should know better.

[Anonymous]

That's what my husband and I said about it too. She's a mother to 6 kids and grandmother to 3 already and now two more. It's not like this is the first time she's heard the news but it's the first time she decided to post it asap. That's why we didn't think about saying 'hey, don't say anything yet.' because she's never done it in the past.

[Anonymous]

Lucky you -- the next 20 years should be fun.

[Anonymous]

If you did the whole big brother in an announcement to shirt thing then you don't strike me as the type to be worried about miscarriage. I think this is less "we aren't out of the danger zone" thing and more "MIL stole my announcement thunder on Facebook" thing. Tough shit, sorry!