Is it really a good idea to divorce over non-help with chores? Or should I just let it go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of you are awfully quick to encourage people to end their marriages. I don't know how seriously people take advice from this place, but remember: it's no skin off your back, but you are sending them into a difficult direction.

As stressed as you are now, going through a divorce and having to split up the kids is going to be harder. A lot of couples with young children go through rough stretches.


You shouldn't have to put with with a selfish husband, but I think it's possible to get him to step up.

OP again, see, I don't really want to end my marriage, especially with a baby on the way. I mean, I think about it a lot, but I do still love DH and I also don't want to tear our family apart and turn my son's life upside down. I've suggested counseling many times, but he just refuses to go. I've gone on my own, but didn't feel like it helped any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hilarious thread. Cannot be real. Amazing how many people take time to post serious replies.

Sorry, but I am real and my husband is real, and my situation is very real. Thank you to anyone who left helpful replies. I'm going to try to have a good sit-down with DH, because this crap needs to really stop by the time the baby is here. I hope he can step up. Got to get ready for work now.

[Anonymous]

You need to take the day off, pack your stuff and get out.

[Anonymous]

So he won't go to counseling with you, promises to clean up pee on the floor but then doesn't, whines about wanting sex when you're 39 weeks pregnant and then yells at you for being a martyr.

Tell us again what his great qualities are. And then tell us what leads you to think he is going to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of you are awfully quick to encourage people to end their marriages. I don't know how seriously people take advice from this place, but remember: it's no skin off your back, but you are sending them into a difficult direction.

As stressed as you are now, going through a divorce and having to split up the kids is going to be harder. A lot of couples with young children go through rough stretches.


You shouldn't have to put with with a selfish husband, but I think it's possible to get him to step up.

OP again, see, I don't really want to end my marriage, especially with a baby on the way. I mean, I think about it a lot, but I do still love DH and I also don't want to tear our family apart and turn my son's life upside down. I've suggested counseling many times, but he just refuses to go. I've gone on my own, but didn't feel like it helped any.

Find a different therapist. It sometimes take a few tries to find one that fits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so fed up with my DH. He is generally very unhelpful around the house, even though I work much longer hours than him, but I try to just deal because I don't want to rip apart our family.

His family is coming to visit tonight (they live out of town). This morning, I dropped off DS to daycare a little early and came back to the house to clean before they get here and before I went in to work. For some reason he woke up early and woke up while I was cleaning. He said he was horny and wanted to have sex before I left for work. I told him that I was really uncomfortable (I'm pregnant and due next week, and constantly feel like my bladder is being squeezed in a vice) and I really wanted to clean up before his family got here tonight. He told me to write down everything that needed cleaned, and he would do it before he left for work, if I would give him a BJ and have sex. I did. I just got home from work and he did zero. What needed to be done was clean up the gross kitchen, get the dirty dishes out of the sink and counter and into the dishwasher, clean the guest bathroom, and clean up the puddle of urine on the floor that the dog apparently did while I was taking DS to daycare. For crap's sake, he didn't even clean up the freaking puddle of urine.

His family are due to be here shortly, and I am teetering between trying to get things cleaned up, and just keeping sitting here on the couch and saying F it.

He normally gets home before me, but today he texted to say he was taking DS out to a store after he picks him up from daycare, so he would be home late.

Should I just let it go and downgrade my standards of having a clean house in order to keep our family together? I resent him so much for crap like this, but I want to do what's best for DS and his soon to be sibling (which was not planned, I got PG with an IUD in).

OP, DH here. I would also tell you to filter out people cheering for your divorce. That should be a last resort at this stage, and while your husband has been an ass, we are all asses from time to time.

My suggestion - 1) hire a cleaning lady for at least 1x per week. 2) downgrade your cleaning expectations to something you can tolerate, if not something you can live with. 3) tell your husband that you were very dissapointed with his effort and that if you can't get more help from him, you are going to hire a mommy's helper to come to the house every day to help more. He can choose to pitch in more or pay more but he doesn't get to saddle you with everything. My guess is he will chip in more. Also, take some time for you at the spa or wherever to get some alone time.

[Anonymous]

Good ideas, but OP seems to be wondering how she'll even pay for childcare for a second child. She probably can't afford to pay a cleaning lady or mother's helper or pay for spa services.

Until her husband gets a shock and decides it's time to grow up and deal with his issues and stop treating her like she's mommy and he's a spoiled teenager, nothing will change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way in hell you should lift a finger. Later sit down with husband and calmly pull out the list. Ask him "What happened? Did you just tell me you would do these chores I asked about so you'd get some sex? I feel so disrespected."

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop cleaning. It's his house, his family, let him clean. Let him deal with the questions from his family about the state of the house.

+1