Is it really a good idea to divorce over non-help with chores? Or should I just let it go?

[Anonymous]

I'm so fed up with my DH. He is generally very unhelpful around the house, even though I work much longer hours than him, but I try to just deal because I don't want to rip apart our family.

His family is coming to visit tonight (they live out of town). This morning, I dropped off DS to daycare a little early and came back to the house to clean before they get here and before I went in to work. For some reason he woke up early and woke up while I was cleaning. He said he was horny and wanted to have sex before I left for work. I told him that I was really uncomfortable (I'm pregnant and due next week, and constantly feel like my bladder is being squeezed in a vice) and I really wanted to clean up before his family got here tonight. He told me to write down everything that needed cleaned, and he would do it before he left for work, if I would give him a BJ and have sex. I did. I just got home from work and he did zero. What needed to be done was clean up the gross kitchen, get the dirty dishes out of the sink and counter and into the dishwasher, clean the guest bathroom, and clean up the puddle of urine on the floor that the dog apparently did while I was taking DS to daycare. For crap's sake, he didn't even clean up the freaking puddle of urine.

His family are due to be here shortly, and I am teetering between trying to get things cleaned up, and just keeping sitting here on the couch and saying F it.

He normally gets home before me, but today he texted to say he was taking DS out to a store after he picks him up from daycare, so he would be home late.

Should I just let it go and downgrade my standards of having a clean house in order to keep our family together? I resent him so much for crap like this, but I want to do what's best for DS and his soon to be sibling (which was not planned, I got PG with an IUD in).

[Anonymous]

There is no way in hell you should lift a finger. Later sit down with husband and calmly pull out the list. Ask him "What happened? Did you just tell me you would do these chores I asked about so you'd get some sex? I feel so disrespected."

[Anonymous]

Man. OP, please post to as to what your husband's excuse was. I can't imagine one that wouldn't earn him a kick in the teeth. That is awful behavior.

[Anonymous]

That is awful. I think you need to sit down per you self a drink (sorry it can't be alcoholic) and inform him that he'd better do everything on the list. And pay for a massage for you.

[Anonymous]

I would not clean a damn thing. Take a shower and go to bed early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not clean a damn thing. Take a shower and go to bed early.

+1

I would also tell him that someone needs to get the house cleaned. Either you pay for some help or he steps up. WHY DID YOU HAVE A CHILD WITH HIM, knowing he doesn't help. Once you have a child you will have childcare duties PLUS everything else. Why do you keep him around?

By the way, chores for sex is a horrible idea. Are you a prostitute?

My DH would be in serious shit if he ever wanted to trade something for sex. But then again, he helps out and we enjoy having sex. You two need serious counseling. Like NOW.

[Anonymous]

I'd take myself out to dinner and a movie.

[Anonymous]

There is no way in hell you should lift a finger. Later sit down with husband and calmly pull out the list. Ask him "What happened? Did you just tell me you would do these chores I asked about so you'd get some sex? I feel so disrespected."

I agree. You should also work really hard to lower your standards of cleanliness. You're due next week, have a young child and a DH who isn't bothered by the mess. Let it go. Focus on gestating and fuck the rest the shit. Once you get used to letting go, you'll feel a lot better.

And - your husband's being a dick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd take myself out to dinner and a movie.

+1 Get home AFTER he does. Or just go to bed. Let him deal with the house as he wants his parents to see it.

[Anonymous]

Trading a blow job for cleaning? That's an unhealthy dynamic. Give blowjobs and have sex. Or don't. But don't make them transactional.

[Anonymous]

You blew him and he didn't clean up the dog pee? I hope you made an iPhone video of that hummer so that you can show it to the judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not clean a damn thing. Take a shower and go to bed early.

+1 You are due any moment and feeling exhausted and uncomfortable and he only agreed to clean up after you agreed to sex? Which would potentially make you more uncomfortable? And then he did zip? That's really, really low. He should be pampering you right now.
Leave it all, OP, even the damn puddle. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Oh and tomorrow, get up and get out of the house. Leave a note saying "I'll be back later." Take your pregnant self to a day spa and get a massage, facial and pedicure. Go out to lunch. Sit Ina cafe and read a book.

[Anonymous]

Take DC and go to a hotel. Let him deal with the mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take DC and go to a hotel. Let him deal with the mess.

Oh no. Kid stays there. The father is perfectly capable of caring for his child.