Rising 7th grade daughter begging for an IPhone- WWYD?

[Anonymous]

OP,

Do her friends have one? What's driving this?

FWIW, DS got a phone in Seventh Grade because was starting new school with bus shuttle that involved coordination. A flip phone, calls and texts, nothing else. He got iPhone end of junior year. Survived!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her one. All the kids I know had a smartphone by 5th grade.

This is total BS and even if so, a horrible way of parenting. Daughter says, "But mom everyone has one." Mom says "They do? I am so sorry. I didn't know that. Let's run out right now and get one!!"

Is this how DC Metro parenting works?

No but you also have to be aware on ow kids interact and try to balance that with "we don't do whatver else is doing" MS is tough and if there are some things that make it easieer for a kid to feel more confident, what is so bad.

And no, I don't believe in tattoos or belly rings. A phone is a communciation tool, no different than a computer.

5th grade is not a teen and buying an expensive phone and service to make MS easier for your child is spoiling and coddling. And I also don't allow my child to have a computer, especially in her room. We have one in the living area for the whole family to use. Just like a phone.

So did you buy your son or daughter fancy sneakers?
Buy your daughter UGGS?

Which name brand clothing is your child asking for that you gave in to?

North Face for a Jacket?

It is not spoiling and coddling to try to help a child ease into a situation that can be fairly tough at times. All parents want their kids to be happy so they can thrive at school. If you want to take the hard line and not care if your kids have a hard time in MS. Some of us have kids who just need a more helpful approach and if a simple thing like a phone can do that, why not?

We all have computers because each of us needs to do work at the same time. One computer doesn't cut it. we have 2 HS students, a MS student and both DH and I work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So for those who live in areas where most kids have iphones or smart phones by the 5th grade, if your kids don't have one or a basic phone by that age, does that establish where they are on the social hierarchy?

absolutely but not cause and effect, more like effect. Moms that want their daughters to be cool buy the cool phones for their daughters. It works for at least 5th grade and middle school. Take a hard look at the moms of the girls in elementary schools that have those iphones and report back.

Boys, too.

This is sad. So if you are popular and your family can't afford a phone or doesn't get you one, you lose your social standing?

Any family can afford a phone for their kid if they cut out more frivolous spending, like cable TV.

Good idea. My kids never watch TV anyway. They access everything through the internet.

[Anonymous]

I would get her a smart phone but my kid's has had his own iPad since he was 2. Hasn't asked for a smartphone yet though but he's in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Any family can afford a phone for their kid if they cut out more frivolous spending, like cable TV.

But we don't have cable TV. Would you like to suggest something else frivolous we could cut spending on, so that we can pay for an iPhone for our child, who doesn't need one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, no way. I have a rising 7th grader, too. She has no phone. The majority of her 6th grade class had no phone, either according to a survey done by the counselors. The middle school teachers told us specifically at a parents' meeting for rising 7th graders in the spring that middle schoolers do not need phones and discouraged us from buying them because they caused many, many problems for the kids.

Presumably, these are the same admins who deny kids access to phones to arrange a pick-up for the kid that misses the bus or stays after to get extra help.

[Anonymous]

My 7th grader has a smart phone through Republic, it's $10 a month.

I like that he has it for the fact that there are no pay phones at school and I can text him and know that he is home. He can also call us when car-pool falls apart.

We have all the blocks on the phone. he can't play games on it after 8:30 and only 1 hour each day. The parent software manages it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My DD is asking for one for her 13th bday, which is in three months. If she gets one, it will be DH's old IPhone 4, and will add nothing to our monthly bill, since we already pay for it as an "travel and emergency phone" that we give to the kids when they are away for a weekend with a friend's family, etc., and need a reliable way to stay in touch. She wants a phone because yes, most of her classmates now have one and she feels left out, as the other kids organize social events and chat by phone. She has no IPad, no IPod touch, no computer and we have no TV. I guess this discussion is making me more inclined to let her have the phone, subject to the rules she has proposed. I'm still interested in recommendations of parental control apps, though. I trust her not to initiate anything inappropriate, but I don't trust all her friends to the same degree.....

[Anonymous]

If it didn't cost me any extra money and she understood and followed the rules I set up for her, I would let her have it. I would also make her pay for a portion of it since she needs to understand that you don't get anything for free.

[Anonymous]

I just read a book about enforcing rules for technology with teens and tweens called iRules.

It had some good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So for those who live in areas where most kids have iphones or smart phones by the 5th grade, if your kids don't have one or a basic phone by that age, does that establish where they are on the social hierarchy?

absolutely but not cause and effect, more like effect. Moms that want their daughters to be cool buy the cool phones for their daughters. It works for at least 5th grade and middle school. Take a hard look at the moms of the girls in elementary schools that have those iphones and report back.

+1

[Anonymous]

A high school friend of mine just got her 2 year old an iPad for Christmas. The push on technology on these kids is insane. To spend their entire lives look and typing into a screen?

My 8th just got a phone. She can text and talk. She does not have instagram or other accounts because it is obvious by logging on that most of her friend's parents do not look. Most are public accounts. They send pics in their bathing suits, in their bathroom getting ready, lots of selfies with friends. Boys they don't seem to know commenting on them looking hot, nice t*ts etc... This is 13yr old girls. My daughter is on the young side for her grade. In actual age and maturity. Some want to french kiss in the halls and get fingered in closets at party (was mentioned online as well.) I mean there was a pregnant girl at her school this year. But others just want to play sports and could care less about boys/parties. These are the kids that don't seem to care about having smartphones.

[Anonymous]

To answer OP (I did not read all replies) would not get my kid an iphone at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In Mclean, the many girls on travel soccer team got them at 5th grade. We tried to resists past 6th grade but by then almost all girls had iphones.

it was a rich kid thing.

if you are going to get her a phone, get her an iphone, get the lowest memory and a refurbished model.

then she can learn how to use it from all the other friends, you will not have to be her admin. It is a lot easier to have a common piece of hardware with a consistent interface. It will be much easier for her to use. She can load music from itunes, calendar/contacts, have gps applications, texting, and the phone.

If she is a responsible kid, after she has it a year and is at middle school, you will be surprised at how much it helps. Our daughter got hers at 7th grade and it has been a big big help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her one. All the kids I know had a smartphone by 5th grade.

This is total BS and even if so, a horrible way of parenting. Daughter says, "But mom everyone has one." Mom says "They do? I am so sorry. I didn't know that. Let's run out right now and get one!!"

Is this how DC Metro parenting works?

No but you also have to be aware on ow kids interact and try to balance that with "we don't do whatver else is doing" MS is tough and if there are some things that make it easieer for a kid to feel more confident, what is so bad.

And no, I don't believe in tattoos or belly rings. A phone is a communciation tool, no different than a computer.

5th grade is not a teen and buying an expensive phone and service to make MS easier for your child is spoiling and coddling. And I also don't allow my child to have a computer, especially in her room. We have one in the living area for the whole family to use. Just like a phone.

So did you buy your son or daughter fancy sneakers?
Buy your daughter UGGS?

Which name brand clothing is your child asking for that you gave in to?

North Face for a Jacket?

It is not spoiling and coddling to try to help a child ease into a situation that can be fairly tough at times. All parents want their kids to be happy so they can thrive at school. If you want to take the hard line and not care if your kids have a hard time in MS. Some of us have kids who just need a more helpful approach and if a simple thing like a phone can do that, why not?

We all have computers because each of us needs to do work at the same time. One computer doesn't cut it. we have 2 HS students, a MS student and both DH and I work.

You have 5 computers and 5 phones in one house? Good lord. Do you even talk to each other face to face?