Rising 7th grade daughter begging for an IPhone- WWYD?
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Anonymous
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DD is begging for an iPhone for her 13th bday (which is in November). I told her I was somewhat open to the idea but nervous about safety and the phone not interfering with homework, family life, etc, and asked her to propose what she though were reasonable rules. She came back with a proposal that she be allowed to have a phone, but could only use it after finishing homework, could not bring it into room at bedtime but would in spread leave it to charge in kitchen, and no use during meals, etc.
Is this an appropriate age to get a kid a smartphone? I am also a tad nervous about internet safety-- if I get her an IPhone, does anyone have suggestions of good parental controls? |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't get an iphone for a 7th grader, myself. It's starting a big, unnecessary monthly expense at a relatively young age. A simple, cheap phone, would be different. |
Anonymous
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Mom of a rising 8th grader here: yes, get her the phone for her birthday. Research parental controls. Regularly check the phone to read messages,etc. What I find so great about the phone is that it is the strongest currency in my kid's life. If he is acting disrespectfully, not pulling his weight with chores, letting his grades slip, etc, all I have to do is take the phone. It's simple and it gets the response I want.
Your daughter sounds quite responsible with the parameters she laid out. Definitely follow them. |
Anonymous
| Do it. She has set the rules, and it's time for her to practice some responsibility. |
Anonymous
| Most kids have them by that edge and it can be really helpful to stay in touch if plans change or you get separated at the mall. This is how kids keep in touch and your DD will be out of touch without it. |
Anonymous
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My DD has had an iPod Touch since she was 9 (she's 11.5 now - a rising sixth grader) and she tries to bring it everywhere. This morning for example, she ran back into her room and grabbed it, but didn't grab the tissues she needed and I pointed out to her that her priority was a "want" rather than a "need."
I tell her on every outting "Either you put it away and interact with the people around you, or I'll take it away," because she constantly wants "to just take a picture..." and "just text Kaia..." I find myself saying no a lot. I see this getting better as she gains maturity and could see handing down an old iPhone when I upgrade. |
Anonymous
I agree. My iphone is a pretty big bill for me and there is no way I would double it for a teen who couldn't help pay the bill every month. I'd consider a cheaper phone perhaps. |
Anonymous
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I think there are a couple of questions--
-- should a 7th grader to have a cell phone? (I'd say it's certainly a reasonable possibility, depending on your family/circumstances) -- should that phone be a smart phone? (Again, this will depend on your family/circumstances and perhaps whether the goal is to let her communicate with friends or just with you) -- how much will all this cost? This will depend on your cell plan and what phone you get her. Adding a phone should not double your bill, and you may be able to add one fairly cheaply. |
Anonymous
I do not feel it is appropriate OT necessary. My rising 7th grader is also begging for a phone, and we have flat out said no. We will hold off for several more years, and when she finally is allowed to get a phone she will 1. Pay for it herself 2. Contribute to the monthly plan and 3. It will not be a smartphone. |
Anonymous
| Why would a 7th grader need an iPhone? |
Anonymous
Not OP, but why is it so high? Is it stuff like Spotify that up the charges? |
Anonymous
| Mobicip is a good parental control app |
Anonymous
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We got our kid a slide phone (basic plan with texting, some phone minutes and no data) in 6th grade.
It has been a great tool in building responsibility and gradually increasing independence to step him up to middle school and later the increase freedom in high school. It has also been very handy for times that we were stuck in traffic on the way to pick him up from activities, checking in when he is hiking in the woods/playing with neighborhood friends, and being offered food at a friend's house (he has severe nut allergies). One example of how the phone is helpful to our kid gaining independence and responsibility occurred when he was at a birthday sleepover. The host and other kids started playing a video game that we do not allow in our house. Rather than embarrass himself by saying his mommy didn't allow the game, or sneaking the game against our rules, my kid brought his phone into the bathroom and texted me the game, and asked what he should do. Another time, he was at a new friend's house and he did not feel comfortable, so he did the same thing asking me to come pick him up. Both of those events, and the allergy thing, reassured me that giving my 10-11 year old a basis phone/text access was a very good parenting decision. I am a very attentive, somewhat strict parent, and in spite of this I really see the value of a non-smart phone for a 5th-8th grader. Those two events make me very hopeful for the high school years where the temptations and risks are far greater than what to do when his friends pop in an "M" video game. Even if you know where your kid is at all times, they can still run into situations and peer pressure where having discreet and quick access to their parents is a very good thing. |
Anonymous
No. Grew up without one and based on all of the parenting posts here no kid needs one till they are at least 55! 
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Anonymous
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00:20 here again.
To answer your question OP, I would not under any circumstance get my middle schooler or even young high schooler (under 16) an iphone or smartphone. There are far too many risks where the bad judgment of a single photo posted online can have long term, life altering consequences. I would get her a slide phone for starters, with text access and no data, and low resolution photo quality. |