Where are all the single men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reality is that if a woman is attractive and nice to him, most men are fine. But with women, a man has to meet 539 requirements for her to be interested. Women also initiate 2/3 of all divorces so no question they are much pickier than men.

very true. i have gone out with women that were taller than me, shorter than me, heavier than me, lighter than me, all shades, ethnicities, religious backgrounds, richer, poor, elite education, community college education, single moms, divorced women with no kids, singles...whatever.

as long as i find them attractive, they treat me with respect, and are reasonably intelligent in some way it is ok.

guys don't have many 'requirements' at all.

But guys can be pickier about who they become exclusive with or marry. I read about it again and again on this board - dating 5-6 months, guy ultimately bails because he doesn't see a long-term future. And women usually are willing to stick it out once they have made the decision to commit - they're less likely to bail.

[Anonymous]

So much easier to not fall for a guy if you are not sleeping with him. Sex muddles things. Especially good sex. I have a friend who follows that stupid sex on the 3rd date rule and her heart is continuously broken. I can tell when she's slept with the new guy because suddenly she's infatuated. 1-2 great months, months 3-4 are meh, by month 5 the guy is gone and she's crying that he was "the one".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reality is that if a woman is attractive and nice to him, most men are fine. But with women, a man has to meet 539 requirements for her to be interested. Women also initiate 2/3 of all divorces so no question they are much pickier than men.

very true. i have gone out with women that were taller than me, shorter than me, heavier than me, lighter than me, all shades, ethnicities, religious backgrounds, richer, poor, elite education, community college education, single moms, divorced women with no kids, singles...whatever.

as long as i find them attractive, they treat me with respect, and are reasonably intelligent in some way it is ok.

guys don't have many 'requirements' at all.

But guys can be pickier about who they become exclusive with or marry. I read about it again and again on this board - dating 5-6 months, guy ultimately bails because he doesn't see a long-term future. And women usually are willing to stick it out once they have made the decision to commit - they're less likely to bail.

And how is that a bad thing? Why would he stick around when he doesn't see a future together? Sounds like giving a relationship a real chance - instead of just saying no and turning away potential partners based on checklists and fantasy land ideas.

By the way, it's around the 4-5 month time period when the crazy side of women starts to show - could be a correlation or just a coincidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: But guys can be pickier about who they become exclusive with or marry. I read about it again and again on this board - dating 5-6 months, guy ultimately bails because he doesn't see a long-term future. And women usually are willing to stick it out once they have made the decision to commit - they're less likely to bail.

And how is that a bad thing? Why would he stick around when he doesn't see a future together? Sounds like giving a relationship a real chance - instead of just saying no and turning away potential partners based on checklists and fantasy land ideas.

By the way, it's around the 4-5 month time period when the crazy side of women starts to show - could be a correlation or just a coincidence.


Month 4 or 5 is when everyone's crazy begins to show. Co-workers at a new job. New neighbors. Hell, that's when babies start letting it all hang out.

[Anonymous]

Oh man, I took a 40-year old single guy away from them.I had no business doing so since I have been married already and have a kid.
He is cute, kind and had just moved to DC for a job 2.5 years ago.
He had arrived in DC and was meeting women in hopes of having a long lasting relationship that leads to marriage hopefully.Not sure why it didn't happen though with these women.One thing that I can think of is that they were a little too young 27-33 maybe.
Where were you all 35-42 year olds? I was rooting for him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, married guy here. I've also set up several friends and acquaintances. Here's my take on the issue.

Most men are willing to date anyone regardless of socioeconomic status. I've known high ranking corporate men who date and marry low totem-pole hourly workers, or unemployed women, women with children, etc. Most of the women that I know are looking up, they want someone who makes more money than them, the professional women will only date/marry professional men, etc. The higher income/socioeconomic men have their choice of women and choose from across the spectrum. The higher income/socioeconomic women restrict themselves to the small upper tier of men, many of whom are already spoken for.

The single professional women I know who have been most successful at finding partners were the ones willing to ignore SE status. I had a guy who worked for me who married his professional, corporate management wife when he was a construction worker without a college degree. After physical injuries that prevented him from working in construction, he went back and got a computer technician certification and ended up coming to work for me in his 50's as a computer tech. They were quite happily married. I know quite a number of late-in-life paired couples where the wife makes more money and is more successful career-wise than the husband. And they have happy marriages.

So, from a slightly different perspective, I echo those who say to stop with the 587 line check-list of everything that a guy must have to be husband-material and just look for honest hard-working guys. You can find them at sports bars, sporting events, outdoor physical activities (running in races, biking with the local bike group, hiking in state parks, playing in the weekend sports leagues, etc). You will not find them at the opera, theater, high-end bars, book clubs, etc. Look, I'm a theater reviewer and performer, but I know that you aren't going to find a ton of single and available heterosexual men attending these events.

Don't laugh but a male friend of mine joined a group that watches symphonies and theater. One of the few guys there and he cleaned up - he had no shortage of women to date from this. He was actually a big sports fan but getting a dose of culture was good for him. I tell single guys I know to join book clubs. Women like men with a brain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many people in this thread blaming the women for being too picky? As a late 30s single woman: what about all the men who thought I was too fat when I was at a perfectly healthy weight, just not anorexic-skinny? What about all the men on dating websites who think they're ordering a pizza: must be over 5'4" but under 5'9", straight hair but not curly, thin or athletic but not average body type (or, God forbid, "a few extra pounds"), only certain races, religions, etc.? Men can be insanely picky, too-- and the ones who are never married at 40 usually are.

The only standard I've had for the last few years is "must be a better option than going to a sperm bank". And I can't even find *that* guy (who is also looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage and children, and who wants to date me).

Hope this changes soon. You sound sweet.

[Anonymous]

If you want to meet men, don't be the stereotype.

Met my partner of a year because I ordered bourbon at a bar. All my girlfriends were drinking girly stuff (fruity martinis, Moscoto, etc.). He turned around to see who ordered the bourbon and didn't believe it was for me. I rolled my eyes and thought he was a bit of a sexist jerk. Turns out he'd had a run of high maintenance girlfriends who expected him to pamper them and never broke a sweat themselves. I'm more of a tough girl who cleans up nice. Plus, my love don't cost a thing.

[Anonymous]

Well, I don't quite see the Darwinian appeal of dating sites and bars. What's wrong with meeting someone at work or through work? That's how I did it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't quite see the Darwinian appeal of dating sites and bars. What's wrong with meeting someone at work or through work? That's how I did it.

My older brother's only dating advice for me was "Don't shit where you eat."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't quite see the Darwinian appeal of dating sites and bars. What's wrong with meeting someone at work or through work? That's how I did it.

It depends on the culture of the industry or agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't quite see the Darwinian appeal of dating sites and bars. What's wrong with meeting someone at work or through work? That's how I did it.

My older brother's only dating advice for me was "Don't shit where you eat."

That's an old one but the reality is you spend more time at work then anywhere else, usually with people of similar backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't quite see the Darwinian appeal of dating sites and bars. What's wrong with meeting someone at work or through work? That's how I did it.

My older brother's only dating advice for me was "Don't shit where you eat."

That's an old one but the reality is you spend more time at work then anywhere else, usually with people of similar backgrounds.

And when it ends after 4-5 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't quite see the Darwinian appeal of dating sites and bars. What's wrong with meeting someone at work or through work? That's how I did it.

My older brother's only dating advice for me was "Don't shit where you eat."

That's an old one but the reality is you spend more time at work then anywhere else, usually with people of similar backgrounds.

And when it ends after 4-5 months?

Well it didn't end with be because I'm so awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I don't quite see the Darwinian appeal of dating sites and bars. What's wrong with meeting someone at work or through work? That's how I did it.

My older brother's only dating advice for me was "Don't shit where you eat."

That's an old one but the reality is you spend more time at work then anywhere else, usually with people of similar backgrounds.

And when it ends after 4-5 months?

Well it didn't end with be because I'm so awesome.

Yay for you. But what about the regular mortals?

If I had met my guy at work (we're in the same industry), I wouldn't have dated him because of fear of the awkwardness professionally if it ended. My ex-DH is also in the same industry and I'm always worried when he is job hunting that we will end up at the same location.