Help- advice needed regarding leaving a note for family member who smells

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here with a follow up. So I failed I guess because I was to wimpy to say anything in the end after everyone on here making it sound mean to tell her. So she visited, stunk up my sofa and my house, and then left. Oh well...

I think you did just fine. If it were me, I would have done the same. It would be my 5 or 7 YO that said, Grammy, you smell, you need to take a bath.

[Anonymous]

21:02- I WISH one of my kids HAD said something to her and saved me the aggravation!

[Anonymous]

We had this issue with a roommate who showered only once a week and re-wore outfits multiple times without washing to the point that this person's white clothing had turned tan. It was incredibly awkward, but everyone we hung out with socially talked about how bad this roommate smelled and obviously we noticed it. We finally sat down and had an intervention of sorts and said that we noticed they weren't showering frequently and their clothes looked as if they needed washing. This person was mortified, but stepped up their hygiene. A frank discussion is what is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am 56. Showering and bathing are actually very difficult for me, and it is not something I talk about. In the shower I get dizzy and this makes me anxious. Then I get either chilled or over heated. My skin is somewhat delicate so it itches afterwards and need cream. The warm and hot water make me very exhausted, truly really trembling shaking exhausted. This makes it hard to dry everything off. Then I have to rest for a bit. Washing my hair I something I plan. I used to bath every day like everyone else, but now the effort is just too much, so I bath every other day. When I bend over to put on my shoes, I feel faint. Shoe tying or buckling is difficult at times. After about 30 minutes I feel better. I asked my doctor and he isn't sure what causes this. I really do not want to smell, but on the other hand, bathing is such a pain. So if your mom is going through this, you might want to be kind rather than ordering her around. I know I would not appreciate it. And as I said, no one knows this about me -- it is too embarrassing and creepy.

I don't mean to frighten you, but do you have any symptoms of MS? Less concerning if you're ok in summer heat.

It would also be a good idea to be screened for heart disease, who knows but always a good idea to check, right?

[Anonymous]

This post is interesting and I wonder if she is of Irish descent because my Mom for sure and to a degree my Dad, too, have never been that great at taking showers or bathing regularly for whatever reason. Now they did have a large family of 8 and now, of course, it can attributed to being age related. However, even 25 years ago, I recognized on visits to the summer house that it was an issue, and when they would come here, the shower would go untouched by either even if here a couple of nights. It turns out my daughters also noticed. I wondered more about my Dad who would go out and play golf and then not even necessarily shower. But on the list of things in life, I never did say anything. Once someone is older, forgetting to keep clean can be an early indication of dementia of varying types. But I suspect it can also just be a lifelong habit. Ohterwise, my folks were always dressed nicely, house taken care of etc.

So I think maybe you ought to consider your relationship with your Mom, especially if she is alone as you do not want her to stop visiting. Maybe talk to your kids and just say shis older and you do not want to upset her. Best tactic might be low key and to mention what the grandchildren have asked. Now at age 92, my Mother does not quite remember to wash the outfits she has worn, but again in the realm of things you gotta choose what you focus on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here with a follow up. So I failed I guess because I was to wimpy to say anything in the end after everyone on here making it sound mean to tell her. So she visited, stunk up my sofa and my house, and then left. Oh well...

I'm so glad you were honest about the outcome!

You managed to enjoy your visit and help her keep her dignity.