Turned a colleague down for a date, reported it to HR, and I was fired the next day

[Anonymous]

OP I get this. There are some guys who engage in aggressive flirting (inappropriate body staring) suggestive jokes, etc., that lead up to them asking you out. You just know these guys aren't going to take no for an answer so you want to nip it in the bud before they go around the office saying you're a bitch or worse. I'm not saying those are the facts here--but that used to happen to me a lot.

[Anonymous]

When DH asked me out, I was a contractor and he was my client. He took a risk when he asked me out, and I am glad he did. So are our kids. Off the top of my head, I can think of 5 happy marriages that began at that job. I think the workplace is often a great place for couples to meet. Too bad there are so many people like OP trying to overreact and cause problems.

OP, would you rather be asked out by a stranger in a bar than someone who knows you through work and genuinely likes you?

[Anonymous]

B knew you had previously worked for A. I'm sure they assumed you had personal ties to people there and they hired you anyway. If a female from A had asked you to lunch or shopping, would you have reported her as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I get this. There are some guys who engage in aggressive flirting (inappropriate body staring) suggestive jokes, etc., that lead up to them asking you out. You just know these guys aren't going to take no for an answer so you want to nip it in the bud before they go around the office saying you're a bitch or worse. I'm not saying those are the facts here--but that used to happen to me a lot.

Yes, and you open your mouth and say, I don't care for that kind of humor/I'm not interested.

[Anonymous]

The reality is asking a woman out *once* who does not report to you is not harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DH asked me out, I was a contractor and he was my client. He took a risk when he asked me out, and I am glad he did. So are our kids. Off the top of my head, I can think of 5 happy marriages that began at that job. I think the workplace is often a great place for couples to meet. Too bad there are so many people like OP trying to overreact and cause problems.

OP, would you rather be asked out by a stranger in a bar than someone who knows you through work and genuinely likes you?

I agree OP's reaction seems odd, given what she's written about the situation. That said, you can make an annotated list of hundreds of happy marriages that are the product of workplace romances, and that doesn't mean the workplace isn't also the site for harassment and abuse - enough for comparable lists. So your post also seems oddly blind to that aspect of work relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When DH asked me out, I was a contractor and he was my client. He took a risk when he asked me out, and I am glad he did. So are our kids. Off the top of my head, I can think of 5 happy marriages that began at that job. I think the workplace is often a great place for couples to meet. Too bad there are so many people like OP trying to overreact and cause problems.

OP, would you rather be asked out by a stranger in a bar than someone who knows you through work and genuinely likes you?

I agree OP's reaction seems odd, given what she's written about the situation. That said, you can make an annotated list of hundreds of happy marriages that are the product of workplace romances, and that doesn't mean the workplace isn't also the site for harassment and abuse - enough for comparable lists. So your post also seems oddly blind to that aspect of work relationships.

Sure, but there is nothing about this story that hints at harrassment or abuse. She was simply asked on a date.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like a nutbucket

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, OP? You escalate an offer for a date to hr. This wasn't harassment. You showed immaturity and poor judgment. I am sure hr saw you as a problem just waiting to happen.

This. You are lucky to have found work so quickly, this situation could have been much worse. You could have been blackballed from your industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You deserve to be fired if you reported someone for just asking you for a drink.

I have never heard anything so ridiculous.

I did not report him to HR. I simply wanted HR to know that since he worked for my previous employer, I turned him down for drinks and dinner and that I was not interested in socializing with him outside of work. I had no idea whether he would progress or escalate his invitations and I did not want my employer to think I was encouraging him.

Why can't dudes who are twenty and thirty years older than their captive office mates, find people their own age and outside of work to date?

I'm guessing that you came off as a nut in your email to HR and they didn't want to take any chances with you (whether or not you are nutty).